[Gracey]

I talked with the kids school today and I am about to be lit off big time!!!

My son has been struggling. They first (of course) suggested that he was ADD b/c he was different from the rest of the kids. Of course he is. . .two thirds of them are drugged b/c they "have" add and he isn't drugged. He's TEN. They think he had add b/c he'd tap his pencil, his foot, wouldn't ALWAYS focus on his work. This is a child who scores above the class average, and on his state exams, scores in the top ten percent. Additionally, we had him tested. The NUERO PSYCHIATRIST said that our son does not have ADD, has an IQ of 130, and is probably bored.

Today, I spoke with the headmistress and she tells me she is worried about him. Frankly, I'm worried too. I think he's a little depressed. That isn't unusual considering that since Christmas mom lost her job, has relocated without the rest of the family to Ohio, and he is having these issues at school. What do you think? Who wouldn't be depressed!!! Essentially their attitude is that if he doesn't "straighten out his behavior" (depression is a behavior?) then he can't stay there. Oh great, let's take a depressed kid and kick him out. . .that should matters greatly. I notice also they pulled this crap AFTER I left - there was plenty of time to discuss this with me before hand.

I'm pissed. BIG TIME pissed off. I'm stuck four states away from my baby and dealing with these crazy people and their BS.

[(JD)]

I hear you. I went through this with my sons, especially my second son. It was right when the government monies became available for learning disabled children, and because of my son's high intelligence and boredom, they wanted to label him this so they could get more money. I refused to allow it.

You son would benefit from someone who can help him realize that high intelligence has to be handled differently, that so much that feels "common sense" to him, others don't even know, and that he has to compensate for the others. I had difficulty myself in school as they tested me but never told me about genius thinking and issues and so I still struggled with "school" as a whole!
Don't let them label him, as it will follow him forever.

One way I helped my sons is by buying a computer. Don't laugh, it was back when NO ONE had home computers, and the one I got my hands on was through a friend who was with Radio Shack who had a connection... it had tape programs. But my point is, I had to think outside of the box to find a way to stimulate their craving for suitable advanced knowledge and skills.

Be wary of them wanting to put him into an excelerated program also. What I found with this was the student receives very little "normal coursework" for a year or two, and thus haven't progressed at their own level but now fit into the grade like the rest of the class. Make sure his education includes all the basics and at the level he requires. It might take a tutor, perhaps you can get a middle school student to work with him?

It isn't easy having to constantly advocate during his school years, but well worth it! I have two very advanced sons who now have intensely intelligent successful children. They already know how to work around the status quo of the system.

[eskielover]

I have an experience with my husband of 32 years. He also has a very high intelligence. His intelligence was with math mostly. He always excelled in school & was boared with the classes. The sad thing is what kind of person he has turned into....starting with highschool.

He always thought he was so much smarter than the teachers & so in college, he would blow off the classes that were easy & he wasn't interested in & the ones he KNEW that he knew more than the teacher.

At work, he would get boared with a job if he wasn't challenged by it & then would get real pissy with the managers if they didn't do things the way he KNEW was right.

Now, he has been DX'ed with adult ADD at the age of 55. I honestly think they finally labeled him with something so he would understand that he is disabled because he wouldn't accept the other ideas why.....BECAUSE HE KNOWS BETTER.

He can't even explain his thinking about things or why he does things. He is out of touch with life & people. Honestly, he has been this way since we met 34 years ago & these things I saw, but was told he would grow up & mature......HE NEVER DID & now I'm paying the price.....it's a high price for a wife to pay. I don't really know him....I can't get him to talk, to discuss anything, or to express his feelings about anything.....he says he doesn't have any feelings or thoughts about anything & just lives in life & is controlled by everything that goes on around him. Then he says, he wished someone would have forced him to think about these things when he was younger.....believe me, I tried for 32 years. I was always throwing questions at him about why he did something or why he said something & he always refused to answer.

I really don't know the answer, but you need to make sure your son is challenged, but that he also in touch with life around him....don't let him get away with withdrawing or not answering your questions or expressing his feelings....pull it out of him anyway you can....if you need help .....a child counselor or something.....I wish I knew the answer, but to end up with an adult that is so not adjusted to life is scarry.....someone who is so intelligent & they know it can be so stupid about everything except math (which doesn't make any difference to daily living) is so sad & a waste of a life & a marriage (in this case). The misery is causes the person they are married to is the worst part (I am not dealing with it well at all) & am so angry I end up hating him for the way he has treated me.

Mind you, I also am intelligent (no genius) but got my BS in Computer Science & has a career as an aerospace engineer for 15 years. I knew I needed to marry an intelligent person which was what attracted me to him in the first place. My gut feeling before I got married was that there were problems & they have only become worse over the years when I thought he would mature & get better.

Don't let your son run a path this way....keep an eye on developing the things that are meaningful to a fully adjusted life....not just challenging him in the things he is good at or what his IQ is good at.......people who are very intelligent can have ADD....most of them actually do. Many with a very high IQ are also tunneled into an area where the IQ is high & not good at other things. Intelligent people are a challenge.......I just wish I had the answer.....whether a private school or what the answer is.....but keep looking & the right answer will be provided. It's when we stop looking or don't bother in the first place, that the children suffer & so do their relationships all their lives.

Debbie

[Perna]

I still remember a former coworker/friend and when her son was 5 the school demanded he be sent to a psychiatrist because he was chasing little girls on the playground with worms! LOL, that's what 5 year old boys do! Things have gotten so out of proportion these days what with political correctness and officials trying to cover one's posterior.

[sabby]

I completely agree with you Perna....and with all this political correctedness...we have LOST the sensibility of what basic normal human functions are! If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

(((( Gracey & Son ))))) so sorry you are going through this. It just amazes me how people need to label everyone in order to figure out who they are. Shame on them for looking too deeply and not seeing the obvious!


sabby

[Gracey]

Thank's for the love you guys.

He is a wonderful little boy. . .engaged and loving life most of the time. This is a new thing, his being withdrawn and I am most worried about how it's playing itself out. . .not what the effing school thinks about his being ADD. Give me a freaking break. . .

[salukigirl]

i totally understand what youre talking about. when i was 7 my parents got divorced. i started getting D's and F's in elementary school. They tried to force ridilin down my throat! Literally! Because I got marks for talking and being disruptive. They never sat down and thought "Maybe she is struggling with her parent's divorce". automatically it was ADD. They even sent someone into my classes to watch me in 4th grade. Then, we moved and in the new school, I got almost straight A's. It was like these teachers got it in their heads that I was messed up and they were trying to make me that way.

[salukigirl]

sorry... i never got to my original point lol.... im so glad youre not one of those parents who just buys into it!

[pachyderm]

Relevant to whether highly intelligent children will have more trouble than average, there is a book review and a discussion today on the New York Times Web site titled "Dumb and Dumber: Are Americans Hostile to Knowledge?"

http://community.nytimes.com/article...ks/14dumb.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/books/14dumb.html

[Gracey]

Well, teacher and headmistress and school are in for a nice little shock tomorrow morning. Mommy ain't in Cincinnati no more. Mommy got up at six am this morning and drove home to deal with this CRAP in person.

:::: insert incredibly sweet smile here ::::::

I have the results from his testing a year ago, that shows he has no disability, he is NOT ADD or ADHD (though that isn't even a legitimate dx) and IF he IS depressed, I am prepared to hold them to their own policy of bringing in a trained therapist to evaluate him at THEIR cost.

I'm tired of this horse %#@&#!. The reality is, some places have gotten so used to drugged up, dumed down kids who AREN'T ADD but are drugged b/c well let's face it, kids are easier to deal with that way and what teacher doesn't want an easier class.

These people weren't even willing to listen to my husband trying to explain we've already had him tested. They want the county psychologist (who is SUPERVISED by the doc who tested michael) to administer a new test. Riiiiiiiiight. Paul told them they could wish in one hand and pee in the other and to let him know which got full fastest.

Now of course, we're "hostile." You think?

Someone once said, "the most dangerous place in the world is between a mother and her baby." I'm about to become a living example of that.

[Gracey]

A little FYI about Michael. . .

In addition to being TEN, he is also a big brother. he has a kitty he loves and a hampster. He writes music and plays the guitar, the violin, and the piano - all by ear. He learned to read and write music (which he also plays by) at summer camp. . .over the weekend. He writes code - binary to be specific. Can read and write it to the millionth enth if and when he wants. He also takes Tae Kwon Do twice a week, plays outside and gets incredibly dirty and leaves his underwear hanging on the bathroom door knob. He has a little sweetheart who he likes going to the movies with (along with mom and little sis of course) and is most happy playing with his remote controlled fire truck he got from Santa for Christmas. He watches cartoons, plays video games on Saturdays (no tv or gaming during the week) and goes to kids church on Sunday.

Except for the code. . .he's like any other child. He learned the code from my uncle when he was six and LOVES it b/c he it's "secret" and he can write things other people can't understand.

He chases little girls in the neighborhood with worms and has been known to pour salt on a slug and then cry when it started sizzling and melting. He boosts his sister into a dumpster from time to time to "rescue" usable items for their "fort" and continually lifts my hammer and nails out of the tool box.

He's a B O Y.

I seem to remember, 25 years ago little boys who behaved this way were the norm.

[wickedwings]

i think we may be the only sane people left in this world! huh! stupid system. good thread.

[embarassed]

ADHD is definitely overdiagnosed but there are a few people who actually have it.