Something I'm Working On

I started another thread a while back with the title "No Obvious Problems"... but there is something I'd like to work on.

Basically, I can just be rude to people - people who don't deserve it. I feel guilty about it, and I can see where it causes me problems.

The most recent issue that came up was when I was rude to a few people in the cardiology department of the hospital where I go for treatment. So now it appears to me that I've gotten the reputation for being rude, and the personnel, some of whom I haven't interacted with before (and some I have interacted with before) treat me rudely in a way that suggests they're getting even.

I think there is a reason for the way I'm acting - but not an excuse. The reason is that in the past I've been treated poorly by people treating me for the same issue (atrial fibrillation) and I have a hard time trusting that the medical professionals won't treat me poorly again. (in the past they blamed me and interrogated me for a condition they thought I did to myself - when in fact I'm just someone who apparently has a genetic pre-disposition for atrial fibrillation).

I can see a pattern of being rude to people as a defense mechanism - I've been hurt before and I don't want to be hurt again. It's not working though... my reactions just cause more problems. And of course the people I'm dealing with in the present do deserve the benefit of the doubt.

It’s really interesting reading your post, @shakespeare47.

I think the fact that you’ve recognised this is an important step. I can relate to being frightened when waiting and being treated for medical conditions. I think I have been guilty of this myself in the past, but have worked very hard to ensure I react in the opposite way now.

A nurse explained to me once how it’s often the case that some health care professionals get so used to dealing with serious stuff that they sometimes forget that they’re dealing with people who are really frightened by what they are about to hear and experience in the hands of health care professionals. I think they maybe get desensitised. I guess it’s hard for them to “put themselves in the shoes” of the person being treated, and so sometimes they may come across as being cold callous or rude. I suspect, sadly, sometimes they are just being rude, but when I deal with people like this I like to tell myself that it’s not personal, it’s just they are doing a job they do day in and day out. So I make an effort to remember this, and not react adversely if they seem to be lacking in sensitivity or rude. So I go out of my way to be kind to them.

I love the honesty of your post, and I totally understand your rationale as to why you react the way you do. It’s not easy, it it.

Jeff.

As someone who works in a service business, I will tell you this - you are only hurting yourself with the rudeness, because when someone comes to me and needs my help to fix something or to do something for them, I expect at a minimum civility while asking me. Any rudeness to me or if I hear of rudeness to anyone else will get you only what I need to do to keep my job.

I think knowing for certain that if you are rude to someone you need to do things for you (treatment, scheduling appointments or tests). you will get the bare minimum and there are people out there who will sabotage you just to get even. Try smiling when you are talking to people, it makes your tone lighter and more pleasant when speaking. This can be done in person or over the phone.

Please know that I am in no way saying you are not allowed to have feelings about certain people - YOU CAN. Just hide it. Things will work out much better if you do that.