I was fighting, but I just feel to tired to be fighting..

..guess i'm not the fighting kind.

You know, I am just not even sure what to do anymore. It is almost like I don’t even have a place of my own to vent anymore. I am forced to keep it all in and I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so scared of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing. Even when I come on here and I know I am supposed to be able to say how I really feel and get it all out but I can’t. I can never truly say the things I want to speak. I am forced to keep these words in. Where am I supposed to turn? Even now writing this I wonder if I should hit the continue button because I know at some point I will hear the why? Why? Why? What are you referring to? I want everything to be better, but I am falling apart and this just pushed me farther and farther in to the “no return” zone. I am losing everyone, and everything. I don’t know how to make people understand. I can’t even come in to chat anymore and be honest or say how I feel with out being picked apart or being afraid of what I say being repeated. My life is going so wrong right now and I can’t control it anymore, I can’t control me anymore.