Fighting it.

I realised yesterday that I've been a month long fog. I've been in scary places and back again without having to leave my chair. Yestereay I bit my bottom lip and promised myself I would begin to take a "stay in the moment pill" from now on in. What is this pill? Well I just stretch out my hand and grab it from the fresh air around me and swallow and remember, its not happenign now. I'm gonna go to T tomorow and lean forward and look right in to T's face and remain in the room with her..I'm going to confront that pain in my stomach and tell it, that its all over now...when I take this pill it reminds you that just because life was bad once, it does't mean its always gonna be bad...when I take this pill it will help me keep fear in the moment and right sized...when that voice inside begins to say "oh how much longer do I have to be on this earth" the pill will say, dont be silly its fantastic here....when my eyes see me flying of a 20thstory buidling, I will take that pill and think, why would I want to do that?...I'm gonna take that pill right now

I admire your tenacity, Mouse_. You're gonna beat the crap out of this thing, I just know it.

I remember going through the worst of it wondering how I could take one step forward without "ending up" somewhere else in time.

T made a tape recording for me to play, especially when driving, that said things like "you're ok, stay with me," that kind of stuff. (I was driving into oncoming traffic etc)

I also had to use a kitchen timer when I drove set to go off every five minutes. It was a pain in the butt but it kept me on the road and out of the ditches because that's what was happening.

A "Here and Now" pill is an excellent idea.

Be sure to tell T you're having trouble "staying" in the moment, ask T to help you whenever it seems you are "going away."