[KathyM]

I know we're not supposed to talk about politics, but I just listened to a speech by Barack Obama on race relations in this country. It's something I've been longing to hear addressed for well over 40 years now.

I'm not speaking about politics. I'm speaking about race, but I'm not trying to "race bait" anyone.

Like Obama, my son is half black. I'm a white woman from Chicago, my ex-husband is a black man from Kentucky who moved to Chicago. I grew up hearing horrible racial slurs against blacks from my white neighbors. They threw rocks at Martin Luther King and called him a monkey when he came to Chicago back in the 60s. Their "Christian" excuse for their behavior made no sense to me.

My ex-husband grew up being treated like dirt in the south. As he'd walk down the street, white people in cars would call him names and throw garbage at him When we were married, white people threatened to kill us. We couldn't walk hand in hand down the street without some jerk saying something stupid to us. We watched our kind and gentle neighbor fight for his life on a ventilator after being attacked by policemen for driving through their white neighborhood. My own relatives in Arkansas disowned me for marrying a black man. My father was forced to choose between his brothers/sisters and his daughter. Lucky for me and my son, he chose us. He liked my ex-husband.

Which brings me to my son, a product of my marriage to my ex-husband - whom I loved very much and we continue to have a good relationship. When I listen to the racial slurs and political attacks against Obama, it feels like an attack on my own son. It stings like a bee because it's the reason my son has had to deal with so much unnecessary hatred and anger thrown at him (which continues) - how much unnecessary work I've had to do in order to make him strong enough to survive on the streets. It reminds me of the times I've had to sit quietly in pain as white people told "n*****" jokes or complained about them because I was too outnumbered for my voice to be heard.

I've talked about my son with many of you. He's been the light of my life from the moment he was conceived, and he's got a GOOD heart. I'm sure many of you have children/grandchildren who fall into the same category. How would YOU feel if people attacked your family based solely on skin color and life experience they had no control over? My son didn't ask to be born. Does he deserve to be called a "n*****" or treated like a second-class citizen in this country?

[wisewoman]

You are brave to make such a post. No, your son does not deserve to be called that. I do not understand this whole thing you speak of. I feel guilt for what we nice white folk have done to native americans as well as blacks. I have seen far too much of what you speak and it makes me ill. I wish I had answers and I do not. We are a murderous cruel people. I am sorry for your experience. I wish I could take it away. I wish I could protect your son from these statements. Or worse the events you mention.

[pachyderm]

[nowheretorun]

i know you are well proud of your son KathyM... he sounds to me like a good man who has faced multiple challenges... and kept a strong, outgoing, helpful spirit towards his neighbors despite the obstacles...

i could use inspiration like that... thanks for sharing ..

[nowheretorun]

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wisewoman said:
You are brave to make such a post. No, your son does not deserve to be called that. I do not understand this whole thing you speak of. I feel guilt for what we nice white folk have done to native americans as well as blacks. I have seen far too much of what you speak and it makes me ill. I wish I had answers and I do not. We are a murderous cruel people. I am sorry for your experience. I wish I could take it away. I wish I could protect your son from these statements. Or worse the events you mention.

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i believe we are all born into a position of historical culture ... we cannot continue to carry the yoke or burden of the sins of the past imo.... change can happen... so many of us believe in goodness... we've been silent for so long... maybe we were in shock.... now we can look around and smell the coffee.....

may we all find mutual strength to overcome the oppressions and find ways to live healthy and natural, happy and wholesome lives again... all over.... not only the USA...

I LOVE BARACK OBAMA!

((((kathy))))))))
i never understood why people make skin color matter.

[KathyM]

Thanks ((Wisewoman, Pachyderm, Nowheretorun, and Court Knee)). Talking about racism can be very uncomfortable, especially for those who have the option to walk away. I appreciate you having the courage to speak with me about this.

I was very upset by the harsh condemnation of Obama's minister. What he said may have been shocking to some, but the anger he was reflecting was the anger of people who've been treated very poorly and denied the "American Dream." His church doesn't turn away "miscreants." They are valued as much as the wealthy professionals who attend, and he acknowledges their pain. Personally, I think it's a good idea - maybe someone in the congregation with strong moral fiber can also reach them and show them the way to success in a clean way.

My son has a friend who was wrongfully convicted of rape/murder, along with a few of his friends. They were teenagers at the time, but were tried as adults and sentenced to death. They spent 15 YEARS isolated on death row until some law students started looking into their case and set them free. They won a civil lawsuit, but these innocent teenagers had to spend their most formative years locked up with REAL criminals.

The friend of mine I spoke of who was fighting for his life on a ventilator survived his ordeal, despite being beaten into a coma and run over by a squad car. Once he was released from the hospital, he was charged with "resisting arrest." The police deemed his treatment as using acceptable force. Oh really - tire tracks on his legs are acceptable? He was the most mild mannered man I knew. The whole ordeal traumatized and infuriated his wife - it also placed a tremendous financial burden on the family as he was the breadwinner and they had young children.

Wouldn't you be angry if things like this happened to you, your child or your friends on a regular basis? Wouldn't you understand if these people felt an urge to curse those in charge?

I don't condone the cursing either, but geesh, a person sometimes has to vent their anger and pain. In this country of free speech, a person should be allowed to do so. Then maybe we can start on healing these wounds. We can't ignore them forever. If we do, we'll only continue to repeat our mistakes.

The people I know who hold this bitter anger/pain are well aware "war" or "fighting fire with fire" isn't the answer. The only way to heal this pain is to find a way to come together without having to amputate any limbs. We need each other. As they say, "united we stand, divided we fall."

Thanks again, everyone, for allowing me to vent and hearing my pain.

[nowheretorun]

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"united we stand, divided we fall."

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i couldnt agree more KathyM.. when one child suffers, we all do...

[Lenny]

It is always the grand enemy...fear.

It brings us where we would gnerally not want to go...

Your family unit kathyM, is one that can bring the example of acceptance, love and harmony to light. I am gratefull for your courage.

I too, see true hope in the ideas of this man as he faces the Truth and lays it open for us to see.

I hope we take some time to look.

Lenny

[Doh2007]

In my multicultural education classes, we were taught that it isn't enough just to not be prejudiced. We have to actively speak out against it and repair the damage.

[nowheretorun]

[wisewoman]

Good thread Kathy. I can learn a lot. of the uncle by marriage who is sweet as can be and made a comment about a (n-----) leading new York. Poor daughter was stunned and of course could not correct him. She recognized that here, where I live it would never be accepted to say such a thing. But, how does a little 20 year old with anxiety and health issues talk back to that elder? It won't change him but might cause family strife. Maybe she should write him now that she is home from vacation. Dear John, I felt embarrassed when you used the n word to describe the new mayor of NY. I wish that you would not us that language and look into your heart and see that as all people some are great and some are turkeys. I don't know if she could write the letter but it would be a service well done. Anyway, it begins with us and intolerance of the language and what is said.

[KathyM]

Thanks Wisewoman

Doh, I agree with NWTR - YOU ROCK!

Back in the late 70s, my Chicago suburb made the headlines due to racial discrimination - a major car dealership rudely refused to serve blacks, and it caused an uproar throughout Chicago. Our mayor made it worse by publicly stating on TV "I speak for all the citizens of this town - we don't want ANY blacks coming into our neighborhood."

Years later (1996) when my son was in junior high school, the mayor was still in office. He came to speak to the students. They were assembled in a large hall, and my son was sitting with his friend. His friend knew the story about the mayor. During a question/answer period, one of his friends stood up and asked "Why do you want to keep blacks out of our town?" The mayor was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say to the kids.

I was happy to know my son had a friend who wasn't afraid to stand up and speak out against racism. Unfortunately, my son and his friend received a detention for embarrassing the mayor. For a moment, I wished I hadn't told them about that incident back in the 70s, but it was a part of our history - that continues today.

Disclaimer - I'm not referring to the mayor of Chicago in this post. Mayor Daley is pretty cool in my book. I'm referring to the mayor of our village, who has since passed away.