[tinkerbellchick]

The world that I live in is so %#@&#! up. I'm sorry for being so blunt but i'm just so mad. My mother is trying to control every last thing I do and it drvies me CRAZY!!!! I'm constantly getting interagated by her. It makes me feel like she doesent trust me and that she thinks that i'm a faliure. I get so angry at her all the time and do nothing becuase I know if i do something or say something back she will get mad. What the hell am i supose to do. I really want the relashionship with my mom but I don't want it if it's going to be like this. I don't want to constantly hear everything i'm doing wrong having a relashionship is not that important to me if thats the way its going to be.
I could really use some advice on how to help fix our relashionship.
Thanks so much
~Tinkerbellchick~

[Junerain]

Have you ever asked her to sit down and discuss it with you? Or express yourself in a note? Ever asked her to go to a counselor with you? My mom is the same way.....and I do not even do anything back, you would think the interrogation would stop if you meekly comply with it but no!! Your Mom you cannot choose, I guess, that's what everyone always told me....you CAN choose your friends so choose wisely and put your heart into them, and eventually a mate of your choosing, it's all about choice, when you have that choice..life gets better believe it or not, as you grow into it............

[tinkerbellchick]

i think my mothers problem is
i'm her last baby and i'm growing up faster than she wants
and shes afraid of loosing me and wont let go
even though its time for her to let go
i want to go on to do bigger and better things
but i dont want my mother holding my hand the whole time
i want to be me and do what i do best and get into the feild that i want
i dont want my mother there
but she has to let go first
any advice on how to get her to let go????
Thanks a bunch
~Tinkerbellchick~

[pachyderm]

> any advice on how to get her to let go????

No. Try to go ahead with yourself and let her let go as she can.

[sabby]

(((((((((( Tinker ))))))))))) I know how you are feeling from a daughter's standpoint (as I was one) and I also know from a mom's standpoint some of the things mom's worry about.

One of the hardest things ever between teens and parents is communication. And I mean more than the hollering and accusing and the "you always" - "I never" type of communication.

I think one of the things to consider here are your decision making abilities and choices. Have you been able to make good decisions about schoolwork...home life responsibilities? Have you been making safe choices about who your friends are, where you go and hang out, what you do when you are with your friends? Do you lie to your mom about where you will be and with whom or do you tell her the truth? If you have lied about anything, have you been caught in those lies? Now don't take me wrong, I'm not accusing you of doing that, but if it has happened in the past, it could be a huge reason why your mom is trying to be more controlling.

Maybe you can write down some things that you want to do with a plan for each point about how you will accomplish those things and have a talk with your mom about them when you are both in a good mood. A lot of times talking about things and showing her that you are doing your best to make good decisions and choices will help her to release the apron strings a bit. Compromise with your mom on some things. If there have been issues in the past or you have not had the opportunity to make any decisions on your own, ask your mom for a chance to spread your wings. Let her know that you may make a mistake, but would appreciate her "positive" input if that happens so you can learn from your mistakes and grow from them. We all make mistakes in this life....so to hold you hostage for making them would not be good. But helping you figure out what went wrong or even talking about how well you have done is a great way of communicating and becoming closer as mom and daughter.

It may take some work....there may be some frustrations along the way. Growing up and out can be a real pain in the rump at times. But I promise you, before you know it, you will be on your own and the sky will be the limit!

Wishing you and your mom well.


sabby

((tink))))) SO hard to be a teen . So hard to be a mom

If you can try talking to her

Totally agreed with what sabby said

[tinkerbellchick]

See but the thing is I don't lie to my mom. I dont tell her every little bit of my life becuase were really not that close but I don't lie. I don't understand why she wont let go. I know it is a very very had thing to do. I do get the feeling that she does not trust me and does not beilive in me enough to give me some trust. I'm just very very frustrated with her becuase I want to grow better as a person in many many ways. She freaks out when I go running becuase she thinks i'm going to hurt myself. I'm okay for awhile running. I'm trying to loose weight and I can't do that if she doesent trust me a little bit. Every single day its what did you eat why are you not hungry you need to anyways.......ECT ECT ECT.....I just want to know how to gain the trust for her to let go.....I know i'm her last baby but I would looove some freedom.
Thanks so much for you reply its helping
~Tinkerbellchick~

[bebop]

I think maybe as a parent she worries not because she doesn't trust you but the state of crime these days. I don't know where you live but in my larger cities it is common to see alot of crime. I would be terrified if I had a teen daughter that wanted to go running if I lived in a crime ridden area.

[tinkerbellchick]

i live in a very very nice community with very nice people
nothing ever happens around here
its very very dull
with a million little kids
a very family orinted nehborhood

[Labyssum]

I had the same problem when I was younger. Then I found out more about my mother's past, and she found out about my illness and we became closer. Now we're like best friends. I think it takes time too. Its harder when you're younger.