[Razzleberry]

I finally got some appointments. Yes...some.

I was supposed to see my new therapist again tomorrow at 11:00. But I am just too swamped with work...I just can't leave like that. My boss is breathing down my neck to get stuff done, and nobody is even taking lunch anymore. I can't do it tomorrow.

So I called to reschedule. He can't get me in until the 16th. Fine. I took that.

So...still working on the meds side. Finally got two mental health Nurse Practitioners to call me back...and ironically, they both set up an appointment for 10:00 on the 24th. The first one I was thinking "next Thursday", then when the second one called I was thinking "the 24th"....well...duh, hello, they are the same day.

So I do have both those appointments but obviously need to cancel one.

Called my OB doctor - and even after my therapist talked to her...she can't squeeze me into her schedule until the first week of May.

So....I guess I have to just wait until the 16th to see that therapist, and the 24th to get some meds. Hopefully I can hold out that long. It'll take another month or two for the meds to even work... ...it's just so frustrating.

The problem is...I'm not even sure I can do the 24th. It'll be right in the middle of the workday. I'm already taking off early on Friday for a CPA prep class that weekend. I know I won't really be "swamped" with work then....but I can't just leave for an hour & a half without some kind of explanation to my boss.

Ugh. I just hate this. I don't have time to get better. I ruined the only chance I had at a therapist who would work after hours....the only one in town was that one who I thought was inappropriate. But maybe he wasn't. I don't know. But I ruined that. Now I'm stuck.

[Rapunzel]

Therapy is medical treatment, and if you need to you can apply for partial FMLA to get enough time to get the treatment you need. In the long run, it's better for employers to have healthy employees who can fully function, than to have employees who never take time off, even for lunch. I'm not sure how much you are willing to tell your boss. I'm finding that it's a lot easier to be open and stop trying to hide parts of me from various people.

[Razzleberry]

It's a small office, and I'm not even covered by FMLA (less than 13 employees). And it's a small town. People talk.

It's not that I "can't" get time off for an appointment (after the 15th....before then...no, really, I CAN'T). It's that I would have to tell them why. And if I make up fake excuses every time...it's going to come back to bite me later. But I don't want everyone to know I'm crazy.

I don't even have a diagnosis yet, so it's not like I can tell them what I have.

I'm just mad at myself now, for moving here in the first place. I knew I was crazy before I took this job. Well, I was actually doing pretty good last year, but I knew my past. I had a hard enough time finding help in a city of 1 million people....gee, I wonder why it's harder to find it in a town of about 40,000!! What do I expect. I'm the idiot who moved here.

And when I finally do find something....it's in the middle of a work day. So I can't just slip out for a long lunch and have it be less noticeable. Nobody goes to lunch at 9:45 AM.

I've gained 30 pounds back very quickly from all my binging....it's no surprise that at least three people at the office have seriously asked me when I'm having another baby. While they glance at my belly. And stare ever-so-judgingly at my sixth or seventh cup of coffee.

I know, I know, I'm just making excuses now. I just.....ugh...I wish I could just go somewhere, say "I NEED HELP", and GET it, and somehow be able to at least get SOMETHING after 4:59:59 PM on a weekday. Without having to go to the ER and tell them I'm suicidal.

[wanttoheal]

I don't know that this will help, but can you ask your employer if you can take your lunch at the end of the day one day a week, after you've established the time with your new therapist (If your new T has appointments at like 4 or 4:30)?

Maybe say something like, "I have an appt that is at this time every week and I would like to see if I can take my lunch hour at the end of the day on that day so that I don't miss any work" (an hour earlier than when you normally leave). That should suffice, even in a small company.

If you don't volunteer where you are going, they won't ask and if they know you are willing to make up the work, I've found employers to be pretty open to this. This is what I do (and I work for a very small company) and it works. Hopefully it will for you as well.

Good luck figuring it all out. I understand how hard it is juggling everything as I also have to get son to his appts throughout the week on top of my own.