Feeling bad for killing trees......?

Hi everyone. I am trying to make some sense of what is happening with me. I'm a rational person, I understand my environment and I am able (for the most part) to behave in a way that is in line with it's laws.

What I can't do is change my feelings and I'm not sure I even should.

Everyone tells me that I should be able to empathise with people and that I should not want anyone to suffer. You might as well ask me to feel regret over when I chopped down that horrible tree in my back yard.

Is it possible for people to actually change how they feel and what makes them happy?

To me it seems as impossible as ceasing to like chocolate or feel attracted to someone just because society tells you to.

I sincerely would like to know if anyone has had an experience like this (maybe they over eat or are promiscuous )..did you try to change or just accept yourself for who you are?

Well, yes I do think it would be a good idea to develop empathy for others. I haven't seen any data on it, so I'm not sure how successful therapy for this is, but it sounds like (MAYBE- I am NOT qualified to diagnose you, nor do I know enough to do so!!) maybe you have antisocial personality disorder?

Have you seen a T about it?

Angela

At one point (couple years ago) I was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder. I do not know if the diagnosis was accurate.

I'm guessing that it might be. Lacking any feeling of empathy for others is an essential feature.

If you don't mind my asking, do you have a T currently?

Angela

It's not easy to change our feelings, but that is a lot of what therapy is about, no matter what your disorder is. Teaching empathy is part of therapy for people with antisocial personality disorder, and for people who have hurt others - abuse, etc. or for those who are at risk of becoming abusers (such as youth from dysfunctional families who show some early warning signs). Also, some people may have empathy for others and not for themselves, so they need to learn empathy for themselves. There are other feelings that we work on changing in therapy too. My T told me that it's ok to take up space and to have needs. Intellectually, I know that's right - I would never think that anyone other than myself shouldn't take up space or have needs - but the feeling that I shouldn't goes pretty deep, and I don't know how to change it. It's just how I feel, and have felt for a long time. Other feelings people might work on changing include worthlessness, blaming themselves for things that have happened to them, being anxious or fearful when it doesn't serve a useful purpose, etc. None of those things are easy to change, but, yes, people do manage to change them.

Should you change your feelings? That is a good question too. I can see where it may seem like working to change the way you feel somehow is not being true to yourself. It really hurts to be told that the way you feel is wrong, and in a sense nobody can legitimately tell you that - you feel the way you do. But sometimes our feelings are not working out for us very well, and it would serve us better to change them, as in the case of lacking empathy, feeling worthless, anxiety, etc. And since changing those feelings will be an improvement in your quality of life, working towards that is not being untrue to yourself.

Accepting yourself for who you are is also an example of changing your feelings.

Does any of this help?

Yes. It is very helpful advice. You hit on a point that is quite a delema for me. As much as I try to work it out...I just can not decide whether it is better to act on my feelings, enjoy life and face possible consequences, or if I should just try to change, go with the flow, do as I'm told......