[x_BabyG_x]

I didnt know where to put this, so I just plonked it here. I hope y'all dont mind... its just an update really...

I keep having these freaky dreams about my boyfriend Phil. I don't know
where they come from, but they seem so realistic. Say
we're both in an everyday situation and everythings
fine... then his personality turns into something
completely different. He looks like phil... but its the
look in his eyes. Like he doesnt care about me....

Ive had 3 of these so far, one was where he suddenly left
me for my mate, one where I found a girls earring in his
bed and when I asked him about it, the look in his eyes
came back and he didnt deny anything... he just shrugged
it off, and another the same morning when he changed
again. I remember he kept saying really snidy things to me
and then when it all got too much I was crying my eyes out
and asking him why and he was just sat there ignoring me.

But what really scares me the most is that its just not
him... I dont know why I keep dreaming this crap up, maybe
Im scared he'll leave me one day or have enough of me, I
dont know. But I know that he genuinely does care and goes out of his way to look after me so i dont see why Im thinking like this

And I dont wanna tell him about them either, lol, he's
worried enough.

Anyway Ive had a really good weekend, dont feel like taking
any painkillers and I dont have the urge to self harm. My
mood has been a bit better aswell. It's been 31 days since
I last cut and it feels really good. I never thought Id
made it to 31 days, its the longest I have held back in
ages. Maybe it'll get easier from now on, knowing I can
last if I really want too.... but that might just be false
hope. Who knows??

babyg xxx

[TaintedGoth1]

It sounds like you may be preoccupied with the thought that you're not enough for him and you think he's gonna leave you. I used to have a ton of dreams like this as well. (I always think if I'm with someone they're gonna leave me or cheat on me.)

Take care.