[Ozze]

hi guys,
I know that I have just posted about being egocentic but right now I can't help but to think about myself.
Today was my last day of school ever, 13 whole years, and while being a pretty good one, some awful, awful stuff happened.
Maybe I'm being over sensitive but while we were out tonight a guy I went to school with said to me..."You know Pete, a lot of people hate you which I don't understand because you seem like a really cool guy." Oh yeah man, just stab me in the heart. See if I care!!! Schools out and what a wonderful way to be reminded of your time there by having said to you that everyone hates you. What a wonderful world. They can all drop dead for all I give a [censored], I'm going to move onto bigger and better things anyway. This is just absolutely gut wrenching stuff, what if I am a stoopid dickhead everyobody hates?

[eskielover]

He Pete,

If I were you, I would look into WHO? are the "a lot" of people who hate you (& how many are "a lot"). Then I would try to find out WHY?

If it is a group of "bad" people that hate you, then I would be glad that they hated me because I wouldn't want to be associated with them.

If however, they are people who are respected & aren't usually in trouble, then I would definitely look into the WHY? If people have tried to tell you about a problem before & you didn't listen, then maybe it was felt that the direct way was the only way to get you to listen.

Only you can tell who the "a lot" of people are in relation to you. They may be a group you are glad that hate you & leave it there. However if it is a group of people that you wouldn't want to hate you, then you might want to listen & LEARN why they feel that way. It might be a way for you to grow & mature in regards to issues that may be a problem for the rest of your life if you don't listen & learn.

Only you can determine if you can value from this criticism by putting the "over sensitive" away & looking at the situation logically.

What are the bigger & better things you are moving on to anyway? If you are not continuing on with school, you are limiting your potential right there.

Good luck with your future.

[LMo]

What the hell was your friend thinking? That's an insensitive backhanded compliment if I ever heard one.

Listen, any friend who has such poor judgement to offer such a lame statement is NOT somebody who has a whole lot of credibility in my book. It sounds like something that only someone really insecure/manipulative or really stupid would say. It says way more about him than it does about you, Ozze. Don't dwell on it -- it wasn't constructive.

[Wants2Fly]

Ozze -- I wouldn't take the "lot of people" too seriously.

Teaching college, we faculty laugh over the famous student line, "A lot of other students feel the same way." A student would come to my office to complain -- about a deadline for a test or assignment being too soon, or too hard, or grading being too harsh. And would bolster this opinion by adding, "And a lot of other students feel that way." I'd tell the student that the others should come in and represent themselves. Generally, no one showed, but if a couple more stopped by, I'd figure that "the natives are restless," as they used to say in 1940s jungle fliks. My rule of thumb was that if one student asked a question or spoke about anything, there were probably five more that felt the same way.

So at most, there may be 5 people at your school who feel this way.

Besides, HS is notoriously cliquish. Some of the folks who are popular -- the cheerleaders, the winning quarterback -- wind up being slovenly housewives and washed-up salespeople. A film director I know, who like many struggled early in his career, once said to me, "I don't understand people who peak in high school." Meaning, the people who for the rest of their lives keep telling about how great they were in HS, but never achieve anything else. They are always back there in their minds, organizing HS reunions.

Your friend's remark shows a lot of immaturity. Why was the disclosure made at this time? Was beer or alcohol involved? Constructive criticism points out specific things you do and uses "I" statements: "I feel hurt when you rush down the hallway and don't say to me. Did I do something to offend you?" Or even, "I'm concerned. Jake and Emily said you never stop by their table in the cafeteria, and they're puzzled. Is anything wrong?"

Moreover, hate is a strong emotion and probably inappropriate in the course of normal school relations. What did you to do these people? Set fire to their lockers? Get them in trouble with teachers? Steal girlfriends? These might be reasons for "hate." But that's the problem with clicks. They are like small mobs, engaging in mob mentality. They find a scapegoat and boost their own egos by making someone else feel small.

Don't buy into it. Their hate is their problem, not yours.

Given the click mentality of high school, being hated may well mean that you are your own person of integrity and character who doesn't follow the crowd. And that would be a good thing.

Now that school is over, you will have a chance to build your own exciting future. Congratulations on graduation. Enjoy these moments of fulfillmentj and take time to smell the flowers, as one of my mentors told me.

[krzyk101]

Hey Ozze,

I am glad to hear you have plans to move on and do bigger and better things. That is so wrong of that person to say that to you. I don't really think that a bunch of people hate you, only I do relate how horrible the High Schools can be.

Good job for making it thorough. I hated High School, not cause of the studies or anything only cause of the cruelity of the other kids. Like the persons saying they hated you, that is just wrong.

Forget about them, only I know how bad it feels and hurts to know you have been hated on. Hate is just wrong to be. I know some people hate me and they do not even know me. This is where it shows to me, that if they are that way able to actually 'hate' anouther human being then they are not worth it anyway.

Hate is a strong word not in my vocabulary. Yeah I hate spinach only I do not hate people no matter what or who they are.

Hope things look up and that you don't let this get to you too bad. I is their loss.

[misty]

Ok Pete, I'm going to assume this person was loaded. If not he is just very very insensitive. From what I have seen of you here I do not perceive you as stupid or a dickhead. In fact just the opposite. Come on, you are the one who said that you are egocentric. What ever! I think we all are to a degree but your being concerned about being that way tells me that you care about others or it wouldn't be any biggy. All my life I have tried to fit into everybodys mold of who and what I should be. It don't work and people tend to not care to much for those who do not follow that so called norm. Glad to hear your moving on to better things.
skylrks