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Old Oct 10, 2004, 12:12 AM
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dexter dexter is offline
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I've had good news and bad news this past week. The good news is after the mess up with my refinance loan it was reapproved for a higher amount, on Monday I closed so I am no longer in foreclosure. The bad part is that because of the mistaken amount I did not get much money back. I got the check today for about $2500 and that's not even enough to cover my recent past due debt. It was originally going to be about $12,000 which would pay off my debt and give me enough leftover to live on for a few more months, including paying the first few payments on the new loan if necessary.

Anyway there is bigger news. I interviewed for a job last week and I got it. I'm working again, I started on Monday (the same day I closed my loan). I didn't tell anyone because after the mess up with the loan I wanted to wait until everything was finished and done.

The job is the one I wanted at the place I was hoping. But I am taking a huge pay cut to work there. Huge. The main reason I wanted to work there was because I thought it would be a good place to use my skills but part of it was that it was one of the only places I could think of that might pay me what I think I am worth. That part didn't come true. I do like it there but I've come home exhausted and in pain every day. Very bad back pain, neck pain, and headache everyday. Mostly I think because of stress. Stress from the job and also worrying about money, I think I am going to be making barely enough to make ends meet. That wouldn't be so bad except that over the past 7 years I've gotten used to having more money... not so much to spend as to be able to pay down my debt quickly and to not have to worry about emergencies like if I need a new roof. I'll barely be able to make minimum payments on my debt and I won't be able to save anything. I'm 42 years old and I've gone through all of my savings and through my pension plan to live off the past year, so I now have zero in reserve for retirement or enjoying myself. Not a place I want to be right now. And being so exhausted after work doesn't give me the chance to make alternate plans or brush up on other skills in my "spare time"

I'm glad to be working again. If I was making more money I wouldn't care that the refund from the loan is going to disappear just catching up on my debt. If the loan refund was larger I wouldn't care about the pay cut at work, because I would still have a big "buffer" to live off of for emergencies and fluctuations. Just the fact that I'll be hovering near zero in the bank is stressful. What will I do when the time comes that I really won't be able to work anymore? Count on my "friends" most of whom I haven't even heard from over the past year?

I was really planning to share this news on Monday after closing my loan but its been one unending speed run. I was also hoping to just relax and catch up this weekend, but today I've had severe back pain all day, and tomorrow I have to get up early for the walk-a-thon in Manhattan. I was so tired that I missed my support group last night, even though that's all I was thinking about all week for some stress relief, and didn't make it to the dance club tonight, even though that has been my only time I've really had some fun over the past few months.

If I can get used to working and not come home with a headache everyday I'll feel a lot better. As it is I'm worried I won't be able to keep this up, and with no "buffer" I'll be in real trouble if I lose this job. If I miss my first payment on the new loan that is going to be a really very bad thing.

It will take me a while to catch up on messages here and I'll probably miss a lot of them. This weekend is shot on that count.
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  #2  
Old Oct 10, 2004, 12:16 AM
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dexter dexter is offline
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I should also say I'm pissed off because of some people I tried to contact to share the good news. I was really hoping to get together with some friends and celebrate this weekend. I thought if my depression was too much to deal with, maybe they would want to share some good news with me. Nobody could come this weekend, no one is going to join me on the walk tomorrow, it is another weekend alone, so I guess it wasn't the depression keeping people away, it is just me. My depression is definitely lifted because I am reacting from stress and sadness now rather than from hopelessness, I've been able to go out on my own and have fun and can laugh at all the new season sitcoms and enjoy all the new season dramas, which I couldn't do just a few months ago.
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--Update and some good news
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  #3  
Old Oct 10, 2004, 12:17 AM
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SweetCrusader SweetCrusader is offline
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Congrats for the good news!!!!

And (((((hugs)))))) for the not-so-good.

Update and some good news Angela
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  #4  
Old Oct 10, 2004, 01:10 AM
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PlanningtoLive PlanningtoLive is offline
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I'm so glad about you being able to keep your house and getting a job. Those are major accomplishments.

I understand about the fear of having nothing in reserve and worrying about every dollar. But you're working, and getting over your depression - the rest will fall in line I believe.

I have such faith in you and your capabilities, Dave.
  #5  
Old Oct 10, 2004, 02:54 PM
mj14 mj14 is offline
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dex, I'm glad to hear that things went through with the loan. And I am sorry that it didn't end up leaving you quite where you wanted to be. But try to think of this as just a step, not the final destination. After all, it wasn't that long ago that you weren't able to pay your mortgage, and you had no job at all. I know how hard it is when money is really tight, but it won't be that way forever.

You've come so far...be proud of that. I know I'm proud for you. Update and some good news

*hugs*
Jo
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  #6  
Old Oct 10, 2004, 07:18 PM
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Wasn't really expecting this to be a fix, I know I still have a lot of work to do, I have a lot of issues being around people and feeling like I can "fit in" to my life, or someone's life, again.

I was more looking at this to be a good foothold where I could catch my breath, take a deep sigh, and begin to tackle some of these other serious problems, which have been buried at the bottom of the priority list because of the financial worries. As it is, I've stopped falling, which is good, but I'm still hanging on by my fingertips, and in fact the goals of working things out socially seem even further away because work is draining all of my energy.

I will just have to wait and see how this unfolds.

Thanks MJ

{{{{{{{{{{{{{MJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]

and everyone

{{{{{{{{{{{{{group hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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--Update and some good news
-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- www.idexter.com
  #7  
Old Oct 10, 2004, 08:38 PM
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LadyDragus LadyDragus is offline
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I am glad that you got a job, I am sorry it was not as big as a paycheck as you wanted, I can understand that with the job market being at tight as it is right now, I was lucky to get the Fed, Work study postion I got at the last min...

Good luck, keep your head held high, for we care very much about you, and do want you to succed in your life and I hope you know I mean that from the tip top of my heart ok.

Plus I do not think any job could ever pay you want you are worth, for you do more web design than I can do and you have not went to college and I am in college and can not do half the things you can do with graphics Update and some good news
Update and some good news
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  #8  
Old Oct 10, 2004, 10:37 PM
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SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
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S--I--H--G--H!!!

I am SOOOOOOO glad that things have worked out for you as well as they have! Sorry you're not sighing but I sure am! Update and some good news

One step at a time for the rest of the stuff, Dave. For now, you're keeping your home and by golly and by yimmany, you've got a job! WOW!!!! Two great big occasions to bouy you up!!

Maybe you need to forget about your old friends and concentrate on making some new ones. They've proven often enough that they aren't real friends.

Take it easy on yourself and give yourself the gift of time. You'll get back to your support group as well as the dance club, but right now, you need time to get used to your new routine. That's a tall order! Update and some good news

My faith in you wasn't in vain. I always knew you'd come through. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm so proud for you and so happy, too! Update and some good news Update and some good news

Love ya!!!! Update and some good news
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  #9  
Old Oct 11, 2004, 09:53 AM
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((((((((((((((((((Dex))))))))))))))))))
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  #10  
Old Oct 11, 2004, 10:44 AM
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Great news {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dexter}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am very happy for you and wish you the best! Congrats!!!! Update and some good news
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  #11  
Old Oct 11, 2004, 11:14 AM
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((((Dexter)))))

Jessica
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  #12  
Old Oct 11, 2004, 01:45 PM
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Wants2Fly Wants2Fly is offline
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I am soooo glad you were able to keep your home. That is really a big deal. So is getting a job. Bravo, kudos, congratulations, and best wishes!

What others have said makes so much sense -- this is a step on the journey, not a destination, find new friends, etc.

((((((((((Dave))))))))))
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  #13  
Old Oct 11, 2004, 08:05 PM
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{{{{{Dex}}}}}}
Congrats on the good news though!
  #14  
Old Oct 12, 2004, 05:30 PM
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{{{{{{{{{Dexter}}}}}}}}}}

I'm glad you got the refinancing, and a job!! That's really great! Sorry it isn't everything you were hoping for though. You'll make it. I know you are a survivor.
Wendy
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  #15  
Old Oct 13, 2004, 12:32 PM
darkeyes darkeyes is offline
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Sounds like things are in a subtle upbeat way, I hope you will enjoy this season, the nice weather, and most of all please know your friends here love you Update and some good news
I understand you being pissed with some people, and this may be hard, but forget about them, you are a great person and offer such great support.

PS I think you are brilliant and a cool dude Update and some good news
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  #16  
Old Oct 14, 2004, 02:01 PM
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SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
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Ok... so where are you?? Are you all beat up from work? How's the job coming? Is the stress less?

Catch us up as soon as you can, ok? Missing you! Update and some good news

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #17  
Old Oct 14, 2004, 09:09 PM
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Peanut61 Peanut61 is offline
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Big CONGRATULATIONS on the new job, Dave. Your new employer is fortunate to have you!! Update and some good news
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  #18  
Old Oct 16, 2004, 10:44 AM
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dexter dexter is offline
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Yes, all beat up from work... Update and some good news

I'm doing OK but it is going to take awhile until I am able to keep up with the pace here again, and then I'll have to "catch up"

I've been trying to check in every few days. For my part I'm just exhausted and left with little time for personal things, nothing worse than that. Haven't even made it to my support group for a few weeks, just coming home and crashing instead, but I think that is what I need right now.
__________________
------------------------------------
--Update and some good news
-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- www.idexter.com
  #19  
Old Oct 16, 2004, 11:59 AM
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SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm so glad you checked in! Update and some good news

Sounds like you're taking one thing at a time. That's good! Keep taking care of yourself and check in when you can. Don't forget that you're loved here and we're sending positive vibes your way... as well as looking forward to updates. Update and some good news

Love ya!
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #20  
Old Oct 16, 2004, 02:55 PM
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Wants2Fly Wants2Fly is offline
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Aw, Dave, thanks for checking in. I miss your insightful posts, but I am glad you kept your house and got a job, even though it is exhausting to work 5/40. Hope your body adapts and things get easier. Miss you.
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  #21  
Old Oct 18, 2004, 01:55 PM
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Update and some good news{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Update and some good news
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #22  
Old Oct 18, 2004, 03:43 PM
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Well I am glad that things are at least going OK. We miss you around here, but it is nice to know that you are taking the time to get things together for yourself. You are right, the most important thing right now is to take some time for yourself.

Jessica
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  #23  
Old Oct 19, 2004, 04:21 PM
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Update and some good news
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #24  
Old Oct 22, 2004, 02:34 PM
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Hope your work week went smoother than the one before. Update and some good news
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #25  
Old Oct 22, 2004, 02:59 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((Dex}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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