[inkblot]

I'm falling asleep. I try to fight it, but it always wins. I'm fighting it now. I've come real close to dreamland SEVERAL times already. All day, every day! This is so freaking annoying and frustrating!!! Why can't I wake up?! I know its physical reasons, but still. I'm tired of it. Literally! Just as much as I am tired of having all this extra water in me. I poke the skin in my legs with a pin, and I "bleed" water. Somebody didn't believe me once so I proved it. Think I'm losing actual body weight--not that anyone could probably tell if I got on a scale. My stomach just has that flatter feel to it like when I don't eat. As much as part of me would still like to be underweight again, I believe its costing me my muscles. Its like my body is eating its own muscles for energy. But I do eat. My crazy body just doesn't realize that. Pain every day. My leg is starting to almost give out once in a while now. I am so tired of everything! I need a nap.

[Doh2007]

Inky, you need to see a doctor.

[inkblot]

I am. My doctor knows about everything. I may be there tomorrow and see another doctor he works with. I can't take this anymore. I'm tired and fall asleep uncontrollably or I go black and start. I checked my blood pressure and it's really narrow. As it has been getting to be more lately. I have the office schedule open in another window. I just have to decide when and who with.

[Irine]

(((((((((((((((inkblot)))))))))))))))

[inkblot]

Thanks. I really think that I might go in tomorrow instead of next week. I'm really not doing good this afternoon.

[Doh2007]

Take care dear. I'm sending off a prayer for you.

[TaintedGoth1]

(((((inkblot)))))

[inkblot]

Well, I had my appointment. This other doc--not my usual--was weird, as usual, LOL, but in kind of a good way. Besides that being his personality and bedside manner, he also wore his Looney Tunes Bugs Bunny tie! They took blood as I knew they would because it's been a long time since that's been done. BUT! Ugh, I have to go back because the doctor ordered a test they didn't do! They were already closed for the day by the time I got the message so I'll have to call back in the morning. I was told that if I called back I wouldn't need an appointment, I could just walk-in, and she left the phone number. So that's all I can say on that.

One thing I have a slight issue with is it seemed his first and primary assumption is...the stigma of having psych issues. (Surely it must be depression, right?! I need to see a "shrink", as he put it.) PULLEASE! Sometimes I hate medical doctors. Psychologists I love. Medical doctors almost need to stick to medicine and leave mental health to "the shrinks".

[okiedokie]

Hi Inky,
I really worry about you. I don't know how you do it! And yet, you have the best attitude and do what needs to be done. I really admire you. Do you have a place where you can go to get a good night's sleep?
Love,
Okie

[inkblot]

Sort of, Okie. The "neighbors" are ok with me being there at night. I learned this last year when it became my usual place. Evidently there are more people up in the middle of the night than I thought. My best days for sleep are the beginning of the week when the (performance--not movie) theater gets out a bit earlier, plus I can "sleep in" a tad on weekends. Some call it an alley, but it's kind of like a car port. It's well lit and I've been safe there, so far. It concrete, but it's dry when it rains. I had sort of a bad dream (again) though last night. PTSD related. My kids. I got a "mood".

[Fuzzybear]