Projection

When you can recognize that the other person is attributing thoughts and feelings to you that aren't what you are thinking and feeling, and so you realize what it happening is about them and not about you.. it helps. Then you say out loud that you don' t feel what the person is projecting onto you. (You know inside it is what the other person is feeling, since it is projection).

So you don't have to take it in, you can let it bounce off and fall away because it isn't true. We each know our own truths.

Interesting post Fuzzybear.

As a child I was the scape-goat. I was blamed by my Mother for 'letting' my step-father abuse me. My Mother blamed me for her self-harming. My Mother blamed me for making her an alcoholic. 'Everything' was my fault. As a child I believed all this. These grown-ups were telling me I'm worthless etc. so it must be true? It's only as an adult with extensive therapy that I can see who really was to blame, but I can understand now that they had huge problems. As an adult I can learn to recognize when an old parent-tape is playing and realize that I am ok now.

As far as projection goes. I think to some extent we all do it. If you are feeling rotten about yourself we can think everyone else is rotten to. Like Eric Bernes 'I'm not ok... your'e not ok' or I'm ok, your ok' I think it is something we all need to work on. And reflect on situations.

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ECHOES said:
When you can recognize that the other person is attributing thoughts and feelings to you that aren't what you are thinking and feeling, and so you realize what it happening is about them and not about you.. it helps. Then you say out loud that you don' t feel what the person is projecting onto you. (You know inside it is what the other person is feeling, since it is projection).

So you don't have to take it in, you can let it bounce off and fall away because it isn't true. We each know our own truths.

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pegasus said:

Interesting post Fuzzybear.

As a child I was the scape-goat. I was blamed by my Mother for 'letting' my step-father abuse me. My Mother blamed me for her self-harming. My Mother blamed me for making her an alcoholic. 'Everything' was my fault. As a child I believed all this. These grown-ups were telling me I'm worthless etc. so it must be true? It's only as an adult with extensive therapy that I can see who really was to blame, but I can understand now that they had huge problems. As an adult I can learn to recognize when an old parent-tape is playing and realize that I am ok now.

As far as projection goes. I think to some extent we all do it. If you are feeling rotten about yourself we can think everyone else is rotten to. Like Eric Bernes 'I'm not ok... your'e not ok' or I'm ok, your ok' I think it is something we all need to work on. And reflect on situations.



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Rhapsody said:
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Fuzzybear said:
And you're right, years of T are needed to overcome this abuse.

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Yes...... that is so TRUE and luckily I spent eight straight long hard years to over come twenty years of emotional, sexual and physical abuse..... and while I am in no way perfect in my healing - I am at least half of my real self again.... getting even stronger with each passing day and every trail I conquer.

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Fuzzybear said:
"its nearly impossible to make me look like/seem to be someone/something else"

Excellent, thanks for this post. Clearly a strong sense of self is needed, something many mentally ill people are still working to attain.

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really good point Perna and Fuzzy... to be strong within the self..... Great thread

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nowheretorun said:
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Fuzzybear said:
"its nearly impossible to make me look like/seem to be someone/something else"

Excellent, thanks for this post. Clearly a strong sense of self is needed, something many mentally ill people are still working to attain.

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really good point Perna and Fuzzy... to be strong within the self..... Great thread



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I wasn't a "scapegoat" exactly, but my mother (bipolar 1 & not stable at all plus alcoholic) was very promiscuous sexually & used to do things like wake me up in the middle of the night & call me a ***** & kick me out of the house (my father basically deserted us by going to live on his yacht) or insist I take off my pants & underwear so she could check me for STD's.

It wasn't until after I learned about projection that I realized what had happened to me--why she did that. There was no reason for her to call me a *****; she started this when I was a young age & I didn't even know what the word ***** meant. She also called my father's sisters *****s.--Suzy