[quackle]

I am new to this forum... please excuse my lack of proper terminology. Here is my scoop... I have recently started dating this wonderful man. I am 33 and he is 39. My experience with therapy is somewhat limited. He has been through extensive therapy, and is very "aware". I really dig this! I am learning a lot about myself through interacting with him! I feel like this may be the first healthy relationship I have ever experienced. The only problem I tend to have is that he constantly seems to try to "figure" out why things happen. There always has to be a reason WHY things happen. Through his therapy, he has gotten to the "root" of his problems. His dad was an alcoholic, and he seems to do a bit of blaming his problems on his terrible childhood. I just feel unknowledgeable about all of this... but it seems that all of this pinpointing of the past can be counterproductive. Should one focus on the "now"? Please help... I love being with him, I just fear the analysis paralysis. Thanks- Kim

[ktp]

Kim (like the name by the way):

Most certainly one should focus on the "now", but it's really complicated, because sometimes our now's are so influenced by the then's. I can understand where he comes from and I can relate a bit to what you mean, as I'm getting to the root of my problems, by over self-analysing and my husband is having to deal with it :P

I think it's great that he knows himself. Just if there is a problem with overanalyzing every little cotton-pickin' thing, then just tell him. Be open, tell him you don't have much experience with therapy and love learning techniques for reaching inside one's mind, but ask him not to analyze every single thing you do as a motive or because you had a rotten childhood, etc. Sometimes I'm just a nag because I'm a nag. Know what I mean?

Good luck.

Kimberly.

[misty]

Welcome!
hmm???? Too much therapy? Wow, some times I say, yes I've had enough of dealing with the past I want to move on. Thing is there are many things that I have never delt with and they have affected my life to the point of hurting my self and others that I love. I don't want to do that and if that means therapy for how ever long then so be it. Does he analyze you is that the struggel? Just asking.

[Wants2Fly]

I've got no ideas about this at all. But welcome to the forums. You will find a friendly, supportive bunch here. Hope you get what you need here.