[inkblot]

I'm in lurking mode. I am reading some posts, but it's too much for my mood to reply to everyone I would like to. At first I was frustrated about getting the Rx for my Adderall. I know my doctor likes for me to take it so I don't do the SI thing. Even though I haven't done anything "bad" for a few months being off the Adderall, I still have occasional thoughts and do get triggered reading anything about the subject. I got the Rx filled yesterday and took it for the first time again today--but at a lower dose that I requested. It affects my heart rate so it goes too high. I was taking pills before to counteract that but those drop my heart rate too low and can make it more chaotic in rhythm. Thus chest pains, blood pressure spikes, and more. So I have been kinda scared to go back on both meds. I like the Adderall for me and I want to be on it, but not with these physical side effects. I didn't have high hopes or alot of faith in going back on the Adderall, but I wasn't pessimistic about it either. Today is really depressing for me. Resting heart rate is 100+. I walked fast to get to the train station and attempted to go a bit faster crossing the street. Attempted. I tried. By the time I got to the other side I could feel my heart had skyrocketed. I got really nauseous and dry heaves. My chest started to hurt. I didn't have a way to time and calculate my pulse, but from the palpitations I felt and my good estimate, my heart rate was around or at least 200. I can't do this!!!!! I'm going to try. I'm going to have some hope that my body will adjust a little more and maybe--just maybe--(if I am really lucky?!?!)--maybe it will get better. I hope. I'm really upset about this though. I should have know and expected it. Yet I dared to have some hope. So much for positive thinking. This really bothers me and I am so depressed about it--I don't know long I can/will put up with this!! It will really affect my mood! Not to mention my health. I sent an email to my doc's private email so he'll know that I may need him again soon about this. I really wish I could talk to him about it now. But I'll give it a chance. Give my body a chance to adjust some again.

I really want to reply to so many posts. But I just can't tonight. Just know that I am thinking about all of you. You are all my friends. Even if I am quiet, I know that you are there for me.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Group Hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( inkblot ))))))))))))))))
I hope that you are feeling better soon.

[DePressMe]

Hi inkblot, I would be concerned too! What you are describing would send my anxiety through the roof. And, I completely understand about not being able to reply to all the posts. I often feel the same way. The good thing is that every body is still here when I have the energy to talk. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself and your health. I hope you can get this worked out...I will send some positive thoughts your way....

[jbug]

((((((((inky))))))))))

I think we've all been there where it takes all the energy we have just to read the posts much less respond to them. We love ya and hope the best for you.

Jbug

[MyBestKids2]

(((inky)))

I am always thinking of you and hoping you are safe!


Dee

[TaintedGoth1]

(((((inkblot)))))

[nightbird]

ink,

i hope you are feeling better.
you might speak to dr. about appt. with a cardiologist for an echo gram.
(like a sonogram)
it will show where the misfiring originates in your heart chamber.

it's good news to know that a problem like certain heart arrhythmia are not difficult to fix permanently.

when your heart is racing like you experienced, an emergency room visit is in order . they get your heartbeat back to normal, and get oxygen into your blood, and take a electrocardiogram while the event is happening to ck. you out.

please speak to your dr. about the experience you shared here. if there is an issue like a drug reaction, you will have to take something else.

pm me if you want to discuss further and why er visits are helpful.

take care of yourself. get lots of rest. drink fluids. elevate your legs and relax.
stay away from caffeine for the time being.
sorry to sound so bossy, but i have some similar experience with the heart.
i don't fool around.

(((inkblot)))

peace,
nightbird



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(((((((((((Inkblot))))))))))))))))

Hope you feel better real soon,hugs ackatya ........ love Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

[inkblot]

Thanks everyone. I'm going slower now. It has also just occurred to me about something else that is going on. It doesn't help. I just realized that I am in anorexic mode. I got some comments recently about me not eating much but I hadn't thought much of them. Yesterday it happened again and one person said that he knows I have been eating and that he can see it--that he's watching. That got me thinking more about everything and what I was doing--and how many other people can "see" what I am doing, and what are they thinking, and will they HARASS me about my habits?! For anyone who has dealt with an eating disorder, you probably know the paranoia I mean thanks to people in the past who tried to force me to change in a very unsupportive manner. Anyway, with everything plus and my bad eating habits fighting with my conscience, I still have a mood. Or another one on top of the other. Whatever, however. I have too much going on and all these thoughts about different things. One side of me thinks it's like why can't I just do something bad for me just once to get it all out of my system?! The other side knows what is right and has a conscience, and believes (why I maybe don't know??) that somewhere in me is the real me hibernating, the happy, successful me who will get out of this life crap situation and be productive and powerful--being always optimistic and opportunistic. Sometimes I have a lot of trouble believing that. But I know reality--she is there. Somewhere. Down very deep. She's been buried alive and has been suffocating. I need to find a crew to dig her out soon while she's still gasping. It's hard to find the energy sometimes. No, I mean, a lot of the time. I'm so tired of everything. I need A LOT to go right for once, for a change, to change my whole attitude and hopefully my outlook. Some friends and so many of you have helped me in this recently and their simple actions have made quite a jump in me and my spirits. It gives me some hope and keeps my mind fighting with my conscience to remind me of what I need to do and work on. Just being able to fight these issues between my mind and conscience tell me that it is possible--it's there already. I just need to overstep the fight to the next level.

[nightbird]

i like that - 'I just need to overstep the fight to the next level'.

that is a positive reinforcement if i ever heard one.

i hope you take extra special care of yourself at this time...

peace and love,
nightbird

[inkblot]

Thanks, but it's a hard thing to do. I'm really getting some urges and wanting to drop weight fast. I'm actually "lucky" to live where I do being homeless--it's not as easy to do. I'm really thinking that I could be headed for trouble though the way I feel. I need to figure something out and what to do. About everything.

[crazybones]

awww yeah pills and the human body sometimes have strange ways of interacting with each other i hope u soon find a solution