[Razzleberry]

I will be moving my blog to Blogger because I have been posting some personal information and I am worried about it being on the internet for everyone in the world to see. If you would like access to my blog, please send me a PM here, or an email to razzleberry80@yahoo.com.

I will be going to a psychiatric facility for at least a week, possibly 6 weeks to 12 weeks.

I am hoping to get into Sierra Tucson, but there are other options as well if they don't accept me.

Thank you everyone for all your help, I hope I can come back a better person.

Also...I know I haven't been here long enough, but I could use financial help. I will be getting a divorce, and I already owe my husband $40,000 before all the medical bills. I know it's only like $500 but every little bit will help. I'm selling most of my worldly possessions, including my wedding dress in a size 16 with room for a 3 month pregnancy, if anyone is interested let me know and I'll send pictures. I paid close to $1,000 for it but will take any offers.

[free2beme]

(((((((Razz ))))))

You know we love you and want the best for you.
Take your time before you make any drastic decisions.

[SweetSunshine]

Razzelberry~

Sweetie your already a better person. Nothing wrong with you to begin with . You got a good heart and thats what counts. Everyone has issues to work thru, that doesnt make you a bad person. I wish you all the peace , love and well wishes in the world. I hope the hospitalization helps and I look forward to seeing you come back feeling better than how your leaving. I am proud of you for doing this for yourself. It shows how strong you really are. Dont give up ok? Just make them babysteps and things will get better.

Hugz
Bethy

[aquawoman]

i havent meat you yet but you seem like a interesting person
i hope i wil get the change to chat with you sometime

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( Razzleberry )))))))))))))))

[Doh2007]

Take care of yourself. You are in our hearts and minds, so please come back when you can. We'll miss you.

[Razzleberry]

Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. Of course, the ONE night that EVERY movie store in town is out of What About Bob. And I have a 12-hour car ride ahead of me, with the last access to electronics for over a month. Sigh...maybe someone in Sacramento has that movie.

Yes, I am feeling MUCH BETTER today, but this is why I need to go: this is the point in therapy where I always quit, and thought I could handle it on my own, because I felt so much better. WRONG!

I did see my psychologist, the one who I will now be finalizing the APA report on, in the elevator on my way to see my psych nurse today. I told my psych nurse about him, and she called the police. Thank God.

His name is Peter Calvo, PsyD. I hope he gets his license revoked, and I hope I can sue him for enough money to pay my medical bills and pay off my divorce in full, and pay for child support for my daughter for nearly 15 years!!! I'm serious. Actually, split it 50/50 between Peter Calvo and Margo Stephens from Utah. Both need to rot in jail for the rest of their lives, for all I'm concerned. Yes I'm in a bad place right now but Margo could have saved my life 2 years ago if she would have just picked up the god damn phone ONCE and refilled an Effexor prescription ONCE.

She killed my respect for the entire profession, and it took me 2 years to get myself back into therapy, and only 2 visits for Peter Calvo to solidify my opinion.

I know I'm a Borderline, but still. They should rot in jail and never harm another human being.

My gut tells me that Margo may have been involved in the Trolley Square Shooter who was Schizophrenic. If she had ANY CONTACT with that man, I hope she is held criminally and financially responsible for EVERY SINGLE DEATH and EVERY SINGLE CASE OF PTSD that resulted from that tragic event. Her office is very close to Trolley Square, and close to the neighborhood that the boy lived in. I have no idea if he ever called her, but if he did...I'm calling the cops as soon as I can! If anyone else gets this, do it for me.

I don't care if I ruin both their careers. I just read the first amendment and the APA ethics guide front to back. It is not defamation if it is true. Rot in hell, both of you.

And to my lovely psych nurse who I took two years to find and will NEVER let her go, I love you with all my heart, you are the mother I never had and you have saved my life in more ways than you will ever know.

Pinksoil, if you can get in touch with my psych nurse somehow...long story short, she needs you after today. She had three patients in crisis in one day, and I strongly suspect she may be very much like you, but she is very strong. Please see if you can contact her, I will PM you her information. She told me she would be going "on vacation" for a while and could only be accessible by cell phone! I am worried for her, I can NOT lose her!!

I will be at Sierra Tucson for 6-12 weeks.

Thank you all, I need to go.

[Rapunzel]

wishing you well

Love,
Rap

[Razzleberry]

Rapunzel especially...thank you so much...and please check into Margo for me ;-) thanks

I have "found God" from the 700 club that was on TV in my ER room talking about suicide!! Not making this up, I promise you.

I will be converting to either Unitarian Universalist, or Catholic, when I return. (ok...that alone is the most Bipolar statement ever!!!!)

I am diagnosed as Rapid-Cycling Bipolar II, with a possibility of Borderline but my nurse doesn't want to 'label' me so I can get whatever treatment I need. She knows...everything...about borderline, including the stigma. Thank God!

[Rapunzel]

Margo doesn't show up on DOPL, wo either I don't have the name right, or maybe she isn't licensed in Utah. I'll keep my ears open though. I wouldn't have anything I could act on either, but if you feel you have a case, I hope you follow through with your complaints.

What matters most is that you are able to heal and make your life what you need it to be.

TC,
Rap

[Razzleberry]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rapunzel said:
What matters most is that you are able to heal and make your life what you need it to be.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I agree. More than you know. I am really ready for this, I'm really ready. I need to keep saying that, and watch What About Bob 6 times on the way to Arizona!!!

Her last name is actually Stevens, and if she is not licensed...I do have a case.

Against her, the UNI, Blue Cross, Magellan, and a few others who so-called "helped" me back then.

She could have quite literally saved my life if she would have ONLY picked up the god damn phone and refilled ONE Effexor prescription. Just one. Then I could have got to someone else to get help. But the withdrawal, and my new job, I was just too busy, plus my daughter was getting older...I thought it was postpartum...thought I was okay.

Wrong.

Now I know better.

I had never heard the word Borderline Personality Disorder until some people on a parenting website (babycenter.com...i'm Razzleberry80....) told me to read the book I Hate You Don't Leave Me.

That book was published in 1989 but they must be psychic because I swear to god I am Elizabeth from Chapter 5...nearly to a T, only that my mother only spanked me and ONCE choked me, but that was all.

I need to go...my precious little daughter is crying :-(...

[purplebutterfly]

(((((((((((Razzleberry)))))))))))))))My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Rapunzel]

Ok, I found her, and no problems appear with her license. She's an A.P.R.N.? I'm sorry you didn't get the help you needed then. Glad you are now. It took a lot of us many tries to find people who could really help us, and I don't know why she didn't answer your phone call. She should have at least called back.

I hope you are safely on your way now and that you are able to work out the things you are worried about.