[nowheretorun]

another post in General inspired me to start this post, no offense intended to any...

What are your thoughts regarding self defense and defending others (friends or strangers)? As our society grows, condenses, collapses, expands, there are discomforts associated with crowding and misunderstandings...

At times we do not feel safe and it causes a lot of fear and even further misunderstandings. Here is a link to the thread in General:

My son i do .... (by muffy)

I am very interested in a peaceful discussion regarding how we can all improve our own health and feel safer in our communities? (Not looking for the typical responses of law enforcement or neighborhood watches, morals or religion opinion about principles.) What can we do as individuals within our community to protect ourselves and others in the healthiest way for all? Thank you in advance for sharing. Have a peaceful, loving, beautiful day (as best you are able).

[Timgt5]

I would make a couple of suggestion, encourage the occasional comunity night or afternoon, a barbeque or a block party, make it informal. Getting neighbors together in conversation can form good bonds. When people become an extended family they arte more willing to look out for and come to the aid of others in need.

Another idea, start a Tai Chi exercise group, meet at convient time, and work out together. Tai Chi promotes individual and group harmony.

I strongly encourage any woman on this forum to spend a little time and money and take self defense courses. It is a dangerous world out there and being knowledgeble of how to escape or stop and attacker, can be the difference between, life and death, living in fear or having good confidence.

[Scott902]

Woman? I agree, but what about the guys?
Just because we are guys does not mean we are natural fighters and can defend ourselves from others.

Like me. I hate fighting. Never any good at it. It's always been hard to defend myself against bullies and such.

[Timgt5]

I agree Mike, I think combat arts are good thing for guys to learn too! I had a simliar post in response to the thread NTR mentioned above.

I also deplore violence and to me having to engage in violence is a failure of negotiation, but sometimes there is not an alternative.

TJ

[seeker1950]

Good thread...
A neighbor's house was broken into just night before last. They came in while the husband was asleep on the sofa, boldly, and stole her laptop.
I have been lax in locking my doors when I leave the house, as well as forgetting to lock up at night. I will do so from now on. I also told my next-door neighbor about this, as she said she never locks her doors.
I hate guns, and though i had one for a few years, after a breakin and attack on myself, I never learned to use it, and finally returned it to the gun dealer. At the very least, though, maybe some pepper spray or mace would be good to have onhand.
Patty

had i enrolled my son in something he would not be in the shape hes in

[splitimage]

I live in a nice neighbourhood that's surrounded by really bad neighbourhoods. I've taken self defense classes, and feel generally ok - going out by myself at night. When I was without my licence I had to take transit all the time, and that meant walking waiting in some pretty dodgy areas.

A lot of it's basic common sense. Look like you know where you're going. I carry my purse cross wise accross my body and hold onto it - harder for it to be snatched that way, but if I was ever held up, I''d give it up in a second. I can replace ID / cards not worth getting shot over. Dont' make eye contact with strangers on the bus. Mind your own business on the bus. I know a guy who got beat up really bad becasue he asked some teenagers to turn their music down. Above all don't look afraid.

I used to laugh, there's an AA meeting that I really like that I go to semi-regularly that's attended by a lot of homeless guys living in a city run half way house. I used to go twice a week every week. The guys are generally good guys trying to get their lives back together. But I had to laugh when they'd all insist on walking me to the bus stop and waiting for the bus with me, because "a nice girl like me should be out after dark here" I figured it was pretty bad when even the homeless guys were telling you it wasn't a safe neighbourhood.

[sabby]

((((((((((((((( muffy )))))))))))))))

Even if we have the ability to defend ourselves....it is not a given that we will come out of something unscathed.

With all that you and your son deal with on a daily basis, thinking about self defense is not necessarily a natural thing to consider at any given point. Please do NOT think that you failed him in this. You did NOT.

Through every experience we have, there is a chance to learn from it. Of course when anyone is hurt as your son was, it is a rotten thing. But from this experience, if he is interested in learning self defense, then I would say go for it Knowledge is power....and now you can move onward and upward.


sabby

[Christina86]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
muffy said:
had i enrolled my son in something he would not be in the shape hes in

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Muffy, no blaming yourself. How were you to know that some kids would be that horrid to another human being, especially one whom was already struggling? Not your fault.

For me... I've been exceedingly fortunate. Even with a physical disability, and being a woman and sometimes alone in unfavourable places ... I've never been attacked, although I've been followed a few times (which scared me senseless!)

I've got my favourite protective device. My purse. It actually weighs 5 pounds, and it's been referred to (by friends) as the best defence for me against anyone. One swing of it, and it'll seriously injure someone. I also have a penlight thing, that when shone in someone's eyes can temporarily blind them. I also always have my cellphone on me.

Beyond that though... can't really do any sort of program/training for protection, unless they offer one geared towards those with disabilities.

[nowheretorun]

these are all great ideas you guys.. Tim, i agree about the martial arts training.. the big plus is how a student is taught about peaceful behavior simultaneously with learning self defense...

i hope you can check it out Mike

i saw an ad recently for a self defense course for seniors.. they use the cane as a weapon, very efficient...

the purse is good Christina!

you didnt fail your child in any way ((muffy))))

car keys can be very good weapons ive been told... a stick, a brick, a broom, a hammer....

i like dogs as a defense system myself... im fond of the pepper spray products... some shoot from several feet away... i liked your blinding light idea also Christina..

sabby said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Through every experience we have, there is a chance to learn from it. Of course when anyone is hurt as your son was, it is a rotten thing. But from this experience, if he is interested in learning self defense, then I would say go for it Knowledge is power....and now you can move onward and upward.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

great ideas, thanks everyone..

[Scott902]

Muffy,

No matter how well someone is skilled in defense, that does not mean they can defend against everything. Especially when he was already hurt.

Don't blame yourself, or him for not being able to defend himself. Why should people even have to defend themself anyway? Dont we have the same rights to live peacefully like anyone else? Or is the fact that we are different a way to say, forget them. Do as you want with them. That's why I sometimes hate this world. Because people are just stupid. I get called a freak and beaten up just because mentally I'm 10 years old, and people can't understand it.

I dont like how people think that just because someone is different, that means its ok to hurt them. Those people should get what they give.

[onlymedid]

I do not like violence either, but I do believe in defending ones self. I wish I would have learned a martial art when I was younger because maybe then I would have been able to fend off my attackers.

It sucks that we have to worry about defending ourselves, but unfortunately we have people who are so angry or mean that they take it out on the innocent.

As for those around us, in our neighborhood, etc...I think just showing your face can fend off attackers sometimes. I did that once, I saw someone getting bullied, stepped around the corner and the would-be attacker fled.

BJ

In a perfect world no one would have to worry about this.
I am still having a hard time answering.
I never in my dreams thought he would be harmed
Why that never came to me is beyond me
When it had happened to me?
He needs to learn to protect himself peacefully
but...he needs to be able to protect himself
I can not let it happen again........
And i have no control but to send him to classes

Last year when 6 to 8 men tryed to take my car while i was in it
same town.
And all i could do was yell and thank god drive away
I shoulda known from that.
Almost exact same spot.........

[nowheretorun]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
splitimage said:
I live in a nice neighbourhood that's surrounded by really bad neighbourhoods. I've taken self defense classes, and feel generally ok - going out by myself at night. When I was without my licence I had to take transit all the time, and that meant walking waiting in some pretty dodgy areas.

A lot of it's basic common sense. Look like you know where you're going. I carry my purse cross wise accross my body and hold onto it - harder for it to be snatched that way, but if I was ever held up, I''d give it up in a second. I can replace ID / cards not worth getting shot over. Dont' make eye contact with strangers on the bus. Mind your own business on the bus. I know a guy who got beat up really bad becasue he asked some teenagers to turn their music down. Above all don't look afraid.

I used to laugh, there's an AA meeting that I really like that I go to semi-regularly that's attended by a lot of homeless guys living in a city run half way house. I used to go twice a week every week. The guys are generally good guys trying to get their lives back together. But I had to laugh when they'd all insist on walking me to the bus stop and waiting for the bus with me, because "a nice girl like me should be out after dark here" I figured it was pretty bad when even the homeless guys were telling you it wasn't a safe neighbourhood.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

great post split, thanks for adding this! the homeless guys are usually the ones who know whats going on... some of those guys are the greatest friends ive ever known..

schools should start teaching self defense....
it could be part of the gym classes
a course
peaceful self defense...............there is a way

theres gotta be a way.............................

[Scott902]

Maybe that would have helped a lot of kids from being bullied, too.
Wish someone can maybe get schools to do this.
Maybe not as a required class, as some parents and kids wont agree to that, but maybe a class where you could join if you wanted.

thats a very good idea Mike
If we all worked together this could happen
we as a society really need to wake up
I know you have suffered I am sorry
Its ok to be You
I am happy you found PC
I hope it helps
muffy

(((muffy))) this was not ur fault..

(bunnies))))))))))))))thank you
at the time it sure felt that way
but your right it was not mine
and now he knows what to do
still as peacefully as he can
muffy

[50guy]

Well, I am a natural defender of women, children and those that cannot defend themselves. I grew up on the tough streets of Philadelphia, Pa., Kensington area. I was bullied a lot as a kid but, then I started lifting weights and exersizing like a fanatic. I still do to this day. I am a avid biker, hiker and exersize maniac.

When I was 14 years old I decided to avenge myself. I became a terror in the neighborhood and feared by many.
The only thing that saved me from seriously hurting someone was I joined the Marines.

Having been homeless twice in my life I can attest to those homeless guys telling you about the mean streets.

Did I ever tell you that Ican't stand bullies...even to this day.

sadly I taught him not to hit back...........
I guess thats not sad
As i said I forgot to say defend yourself.
Hes a skate boarder, excrises was going to gym every day.lifted weights up till breaking ankel
.......I know the streets are not safe as I went threw it here.
All as I can say is I really goofed...
but he knows what to do now.....
I do not like bullys either

[kebsfroggy]

Muffy, don't blame yourself. Realize that no amount of preparation or defense training could have guaranteed his safety. You are a great Mom.

I agree that everyone should learn basic self defense measures. Choose those that you feel comfortable with...(carrying pepper spray with you does not good if you are afraid to use it.)

I was told the single most important thing to help insure your personal safety is

Always be consciously aware of your surroundings
Know where you are in relation to buildings, people, lights, streets. . .everything. Learn to do this instinctively. Waiting until you are faced with danger is too late.

Keb
"Always be consciously aware of your surroundings
Know where you are in relation to buildings, people, lights, streets. . .everything. Learn to do this instinctively. Waiting until you are faced with danger is too late. "

So true is that.
Its sad my own street is not safe/........

[kebsfroggy]

Muffy, you are not alone

I live a small private community with only one road in and out. Nice quite little place.....my house has been broken into twice.

First they forced the sliding door open so added a special locking system. Second time they smashed the bedroom window (it faces our backyard).

The real kicker, the 2 teens that live next door were responsible.

[Perna]

I think it's hard too with teaching kids versus what we have learned once we've become adults? Kids don't have a lot of choice as to whether they grow up on a safe/unsafe street and don't have a lot of experience either even with what's "safe" and what isn't.

Nowadays with drug problems more likely and people not being "outdoors" as much because of TV, computers, greater/maintenance work schedules, etc. they don't get to know and interact with neighbors so it can be "easier," I think, for bad things to happen. One can imagine something bad, just looking at a neighbor ("I don't like their looks") and if push comes to shove, it can be instant misunderstanding.

There's so much influence now too, from what young people see on TV versus what they experience. The "reality" shows aren't doing anyone any favors I don't think and all the crime and stunt shows, etc. Both parents working, not as much adult supervision of young people as they're growing up either sometimes.

I'm so sorry, what happened to your son, Muff, I can't imagine. I don't think you could have gotten it "right" whatever you'd done. With so many attacking him, might have gotten him even more hurt if he'd tried to defend himself.

I live in a "safe" neighborhood by virtue of it being back at the "end" of a development where no one comes who doesn't mean to and it's small, hard to get to, and even hard to "find" if you don't know it's here. However, the community just up the street/next door is embroiled in murders and constant police action, drugs, all sorts of really bad stuff. It's a very mixed area I live in.