[Fuzzybear]

unvalued and hurt?

[purplebutterfly]

(((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))

[Lenny]

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Fuzzybear said:
unvalued and hurt?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

By depending on the opinions of others to create and maintain my self esteme and also building expectations of people based upon "my" fears.

My struggle has been to learn to Love myself and my humanity and trust that I am doing the very best I can. The times I am more than the sum of my parts is when I am not thinking of those parts,,,but when I am giving them to you.

You are a miracle Fuzzy,,totally unique and special,,alive this very day in time and space and able to Love anyone and everyone you wish. Your greatest value are in those potentials,,realizing them is our struggle,,letting them go dorment is our pain.

IMHO.

Lenny

[PlanningtoLive]

Being ignored and under-appreciated.

{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}

Mary Alice

((fuzzy)))
you are very valued here

I agree with Lenny learning to care for myself has been the hardest
To put me first once in awhille is really hard for me.
If I am hurt its very hard for me to say so as I never want to make anyone feel bad.
It has always been easyer for me to say ((as i have said)) I am *ok*
but thats not correct ......... awww
Please know we all care for you
Muffy

[nowheretorun]

swimming upstream continuously makes me exhausted in every way..

[Lenny]

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nowheretorun said:
swimming upstream continuously makes me exhausted in every way..

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Tell me Nowhere...

What is upstream?

Lenny

[StarPonysMama]

For my passion for living (as said in Gone With the Wind), my ambition and drive, and my love for myself to lie dormant.

I used to let others (including substances that I abused) make me feel this way.....until I learned it is ONLY me who allows me to feel this way.

When I stop constantly working toward my full potential - that is when I feel unvalued and hurt - it is self-inflicted. And I am not an expert at it but, just as a work in progress I stay steady and those feelings happen less often every time.

(((((Fuzzybear))))))

<font color="purple">(((((fuzzy)))))

What hurts me the most is when people don't litsen to me, no matter how many times I try to tell them something, instead of litsening they just either ignore me or keep on interupting to make assumptions about my beliefs or re-inforce their own opinion, and thus rejecting mine.</font>

[complic8d]

When someone tells me what I should think and feel.
If you want to trigger me, just say, "You shouldn't feel that way!', "get over it", or "you're making such a big deal over nothing"----GRRRRRR!!

[nowheretorun]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Lenny said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
nowheretorun said:
swimming upstream continuously makes me exhausted in every way..

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Tell me Nowhere...

What is upstream?

Lenny

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

i was referring specifically to the act of survival which salmon perform each year to spawn.. its a classic struggle for life against harsh odds..

in truth, i've done nothing without the help of kind people such as yourself Lenny, thank you

[Lenny]

Do you think the Salmon would go downstream if it would get them to where they needed to go?

My silly point is often we go upstream because we need the pain to feel alive. It is all we know.

But if a pathfinder, like yourself nowhere, helps us with our first exhilerating trip downstream,,,we can tentatively "let go" of the need for fighting the devasatating and painfull current.

It has been mentors like yourself and many here at PC that have shown me that many times misery is a choice,,and there are others ways to get the care and attention I seek.

Like the ladders we build for Salmon,,,you nowhere have built some for me..

Lenny

[pegasus]

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Lenny said:

It has been mentors like yourself and many here at PC that have shown me that many times misery is a choice,,and there are others ways to get the care and attention I seek.

Lenny

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I need to take you up on this statement Lenny. Misery is not a choice. Much of my childhood was spent in misery, I had no choice, and as children growing up, we know no different. Our childhood is so important, it shapes who we are. Now as an adult and can do my damdest to live with that. I have to carry a sword in order to achieve anything, but I am what I am!

[Lenny]

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Kaika said:
<font color="purple">(((((fuzzy)))))

What hurts me the most is when people don't litsen to me, no matter how many times I try to tell them something, instead of litsening they just either ignore me or keep on interupting to make assumptions about my beliefs or re-inforce their own opinion, and thus rejecting mine.</font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

And that does hurt...It is impossible to feel invisible.

But if I may Kaika,,,often the loudest voice has the least to say but his need to be heard so engulfs him,,he will say anything over anybody to impose his thoughts...

Often,,he has felt what you do,,,invisibility. So he has resorted to power to instill his effect upon his world.. Some of the most destructive political dictators in our history have been the weakest of men...but they found a way to be heard and they became addicted to the power it gave them...

When you encounter folks who talk over you or seem to ignore you when you are talking try a simple trick...

Whisper....

Whispers evoke secrets,,and everyone wants to hear a secret...

They will listen.

With care,

Lenny

[nowheretorun]

in all kindness thanks again Lenny, i'm training myself to thank those or that which is most gracious and responsible for what i receive.. that is yourself, those here at PC and those many in the world whom ive been fortunate enough to share conversations with at key times..

Pegs, good point i think, there is a variety of causes for the struggle we all face.. if we are a victim of abuse or bullying or any other oppressive act, we've had this life thrust upon us, often at an age so young that we lacked the knowledge to process the information correctly... this 'out of whackness' then became a stumbling block in our growth process and though our hearts are the hearts of wounded children, our minds must perform as adults...

this inner struggle becomes a mainstay in our lives and we adopt the notion that 'this is who we are'

but in truth within each of us is still that innocent child waiting to be healed.. we make a choice when we choose better health for ourselves..

this statement is not intended to reflect cases of brain damage caused by trauma, but rather the general effects of bullying IMHO

thank you for caring all..

[Lenny]

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pegasus said:
Misery is not a choice.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

And you have every right in the world to take me up on any opinion I have...not one of them is conclusive.

But I did state that "many times" misery is a choice...I seldom use intrinsic qualifiers that imply an accepted conclusion.

Pegasus,,you are indeed a wonderfull person who has suffered and simply by your presence here and in therapy IRL,,you are making profound efforts to change much of what you feel. And that is all you can do..You cannot change history. But you certainly can change how you feel about it.

I have been on both sides of the fence of suffering Peg,,,I too, suffered as a child. I was victimized by those who should have loved me most. As a result, I became a runner,,one who pledged emotionally to never face the issue again. I nearly died with that pledge. I don't know if there is anything more frightening on this humble planet,, than losing your mind,,and knowing it as it happens...

It was literally like facing the devil himself,,and I never, ever wish to see his face again.

On the other side of this fence,,I have been involved with healing,,or at least offering it to hundreds of souls along the way. And as sad as this reality is,,most have taken it,,tried it like some new exotic food,,and given it back.

They took misery instead, and not only did they take it,,they defended it as if it was a pricelss identity.

In my twenty years of one day at a time,,not running,,I have met some wonderfull souls..people who had hearts of lions, and reserves of compassion that I have never emulated. But I have buried may of these wonderfull people Peg,,,because, in the end,,they choose their misery over anything anyone could offer.

We are all here Peg to try to figure a way of of this box we're in. Just our presence is a mark of incredible willingness to change the nature of how we feel...

Some of us will make it and some of us won't,,,

If I could wish for only one thing,,,it would be to know how to open the box for everyone..

But I can't. I will keep trying.

Love,

Lenny

[pegasus]

Thank you nowheretorun and Lenny. Good posts.

I think what we all need is to be heard.

Thank you Fuzzy for starting this thread.

[MyBestKids2]

LIFE

[Fuzzybear]

thank you all for replying and caring,
love
Fuzzy

[Troy]

when ppl just ignore what I'm saying ... right there in the conversation, ignored as though i didn't say a thing

[Fuzzybear]

I hear you... (((((((((((( Troy ))))))))))))))