Adults losing touch with the youth

(((((((sky))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I never meantioned a award...
my son has no trophys....but he knows hes a winner or ((blessing))))
Never did i meantion that each child is the same. For if they were we would have no world. Each one is different and such a winner or blessing in my eyes.
As i said to ((kathyM))) i have 2 children. Each one so different . Each one a winner ((a blessing in my eyes ))) So with that being said I took the word winner and should have used (((blessing to all of us)))))
Where would we be with out our youth? There would be no future...
My son does the best he can .........For that in my eyes he will always be a winner.My daughter too.....
I also still stand with I will never ever spank a child. It teaches them something I do not want them to know .....My son has been bullyed enough.........
We all matter every single one of us........with love and kindness we can share that...........
Muffy

When I was in elementary I remember in group 4 (age 7) we had a card for 'head mathematics' and if you did well you got a sticker... card full and you got to choose a little card with images of animals and cars and such... However some kids really SUCKED at head mathematics... A friend of mine at the time almost never got a sticker and therefore never got to choose a card... being only 7 he was very upset about this. Made him feel like a loser he said, years later. I know i suck at it but this just rubs it in the face even more. He was one of the best at reading and writing but you didnt get stickers for that.. In group 7, if you had finished your maths early you got to play an (educational) game at the computer but again he never got to play the game.
So like that I think the system doesnt work well. If you're good at the subject you will get good grades anyway and if you're not you will never get the reward...
At home his parents always compared him to his two older brothers... and his friends even.. Not that they never praised him or anything but... He admitted he felt dumber, less social, worse in sports, etc then everyone else and esp his brothers.

Well, i dont really have a point here i guess except that it's not fair if its done like that.
Not saying your idea about the stars is a bad idea either lenny was just why i remembered this.

We all got stars blue..and we still do, but not always when and where we expect them.

Lenny

To Muffy:

It would be wonderful if every child had SELF worth, but sadly, they don't. However, every child does have untold worth. It's up to the adults in a child's life to instill that in them by the way they treat them and encourage them to be the best they can be.

yes... its the way you do it, you must make sure that there aren't kids who never get to have a star or something like that.. esp at elementary school cause then it makes a bigger impact on you then when you get older i guess. It wouldnt have been as bad if they'd done something similar for like, dictation

((Muffy)) That's what I thought you meant. I got stuck on that word. They need to know the love will always be there. The bumps in life are a little bit easier to tolerate when you know you are loved.

When the symptoms of my illness began to appear, I often got lost in my own world of pain, wasn't much use to anyone else, and it made me very crabby. My son was a young teenager, and I knew his life wasn't all sunshine and lollipops either. I made a deal with him. I explained these phases and told him if he ever needed me during one of these times to speak up. If he needed to speak with me about something, I'd give it all I had to crawl out of that hole and give him my full attention.

There were a handful of times when he needed to do this, but he and his friends did it in a fun way. They called me out by entertaining me in the doorway and making me laugh with their antics. I can still picture my son doing the "Carlton dance" (from the sitcom Fresh Prince) or his scrawny little friend showing off his body-builder moves.

School is tricky because everyone learns differently. My elementary school teachers would reward you for good behavior, but they would also work with the slower students too, of course teachers are human too. I had alot of learning difficulties in elementary school and my teachers would get really frustrated when I didn't understand the simple stuff like spelling and reading clocks and imes tables no matter how hard they tried. It made me feel like I was being punished every time they tried to correct me because of their exasperated tone, and I was already ashamed that I couldn't do the things the other kids could do like spell or do math I don't think that would have changed if there were no rewards or punishment in school because there was alot of pressure I put on myself to be like the other kids so they'd like me, my faults seemed to outshine that even if I was bad at math I was good at solving problems, and even if I couldn't spell or look up a word in a dictionary without getting lost I was above average in reading and writing.

As far as parents and child, it also depends. Parents who are abusive do not deserve respect. It's only fair that both adult and child are respected or else both get the impression that one person is better then another just because they are older. An adult is not better then a child, they are just more reasonable and have gathered more knowlege over the years, while I find children are more creative then adults because many things are still mysterious. I've seen adults who act like children and seen children who've acted like adults. I don't like people who disrespect their parents just because they don't buy some toy for them even though they're tight on money and are trying their best (though I've hardly seen spoiled teenagers like that around where I live) or something silly like that but they'll learn over time as they mature.

I've always loved and respected my parents, and I will do the things they ask of me if they want me to do something because I know how hard they work for me to have a decent life, but I'm sure some of the things I do wouldn't be considered respectful in the eyes of some people because even though I respect them I am also my own person and not their doll.

To manage my periods of mild depression from time to time I volunteer in/for a variety of institutions and organizations. This practice was a gift from my Mother who suffered with depression. When she felt a bout moving over her,,she would spend time helping out in a childrens hospital...She never went home without a smile and a heart filled with gratitude...

One of the many things I have learned in being with groups of folks who have been humbled by some "act" of life is that within the fellowship of suffering, healing and recovering it is rare that any specfic soul is picked to be the winner. All the caretakers have a different view of all participants including themselves. The mission is Love as it proves to be the greatest tool for healing past the operations,disfigurement, medications and pain.

Gifts are often too easliy measured and sometimes we can dream vicariously through the gifts of others. We encourge the gifted to point their lives through and via their gift sometimes excluding some very important "other" things. I think it is a shame what some young atheletes must endure,,and sacrafice...

But back to the ward...

There in those places where lives balance upon the skills of great doctors, miracles of medicine and the Grace of Faith,,,just a smile can light the whole floor and become a welcomed virus,,for it can spread quickly if encouraged, shared and enjoyed. I have seen little people laugh while pain racked their body...when their source of tears was hard to determine...

In those moments,,when the realities of precious and precarious time are moved aside for the welcomed warmth of triumph in community every person within the distance of each beating heart becomes equal.

It is now. We are here. I love you. You love me. There is hope. May it never end.

None of these words are spoken,,but they are understood and this is where the rubber meets the road.

Man helping man.

Lenny

(((sept))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Every child does have self worth. Every living person is worth so very much. We all may not see our self worth .....its there......just look inside...
You are right... as I have said it is up to us as adults to show the children the way. Treat them with respect and make sure they know they matter.With out them being hit .............no more harming children or each other
((((((((((you matter)))))))))))((((((((everyone does))))))))))))))))))))
muffy

I agree with this statement, but a child doesn't understand the concept of his own worth in relation to the world. If that child is put down by his parents and/or piers, that child will not develop SELF worth; he will not own his worth until something changes.

A child nurtured, cared for and encouraged child who encounters nothing but positive input, develops his worth and becomes cognisant of it. Then he OWNS his worth and can call it SELF worth.

((((((sept))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I agree children should not be put down by thier parents or piers awwwwwwwww
Which is why we do not hit children...........so they are nurtured and encourged to love them selfs and others in a kind loving way .......When we look at our children with love and show love((no hitting))) children know they matter then..............thier hearts are so full of love in those early years...so willing to get approval...so willing to make us adults happy.....I wonder who teaches whom at times
As i have said what a gift they are....................

Well, Muffy, I guess we can't get past the spanking, can we? I know that I spanked my kids as a last resort and then it had it's limits. None of my children suffer for that today. They thank me for the boundaries I had for them.

I've spanked only two of my grandsons. The oldest, the one who reached up and slapped me in the face hard for no reason got his hand smacked. He grew up with the threat of what to me were beatings. I haven't seen him since he was 5, so I don't know what kind of a young man he is today. He's 17 now. Why haven't I seen him? I turned his parents in to CPS for abusing him and neglecting the baby.

The other grandson I spanked once, on one occasion only, because he like to defy me by running out into the street when we were outside playing and he saw a car coming. Today, at age 15, he still sits on my lap and will playfully fight off any of his cousins that want to take his place. I never have to speak to him twice. If I say "It's so-n-so's turn" he immediately gets up but watches for his chance to get back on my lap.

Did I damage them? I hardly think so! They know that this grandma would give her life for them! BTW, I have four grown children and 9 granchildren ages 17 all the way down to three yrs old. I've been down this road quite a few times. No need to speak to me as if I don't have any experience or don't know what I'm doing. There is also the fact that I stopped the crap from rolling downhill. My mother and her mother before her caught all kinds of crap from their parents. My sperm donor was also the recipient of the crap rolling downhill to him and he passed it to me. I stopped it from both sides!

(((sept))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I truly am not speaking to you as if you have no experience....I know you have children and grandchildren....I was only trying to answer you ....
These are my views as a mom.....my beliefs ....what i have choosen to give to my children.......and others........
Its something I believe with all my heart........
not going to bring up my past.........
I think my view is out here.......((everyone knows how i feel))))))))))))))))
((( i stick with everyone matters ..........children always)))))))))))))))))
may peace and love be with you
muffy

None of us can know what event(s) will spur us to our personal potential and greatness.

For some it is an act of profound kindness..for others the sting of pain.

I can only speak for me Sept,,,but my stand against violence as a means to an end is partly an assessment of risk. Some folks will take the lessen too far. But only some,,,for sure.

You are a good Mother and Grandmother and your choices have proved worthy.

But,,,and this is only a but from this butt(LOL)...sometime in the future the lessen you offered will be tested. They will be faced with a choice on how to solve a dilema. Your demonstration of a solution will be with them.

With care,

Lenny

((((((sept)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) forgot to say I agree with Lenny
you are a good Mom and grandmother
did not want you to think i did not think that.......
aww(((( you matter))))))))))))))))
muffy

(((muffy)))) ((((everyone matters)))))