i work for hospice. i have a patient who has congestive heart failure. her younger daughter was living there, at night, while the siblings took turns on the weekends. suddenly without any warning, a sister went to my patient, who has early dementia, and said we have all these extenuating circumstances (son doesn't work, so they gave him their house)and said they needed to move in with my patient. she was put on the spot and said okay. this was never discussed with the daughter who was living there. they just told her to move out. while i've been there, i've become more like a personal assistant in that i arrange repairs, buy groceries, shop for them, run errands, just do business for the family. the husband of the daughter that just moved in has never made it a secret that he doesn't want me there. when he lived there two oro three years ago, he arranged for several unnecessary repairs and such and the family thinks that he took money under the table on those jobs. so suddenly, i'm calling pool maintenance people, etc. and getting the work done for a fair price and in a short amount of time. so, today he went in to the office and just started using my computer......didn't ask......nothing. i needed to see an e.mail and asked him later if i could use it and everything erupted. he cussed at me, he threatened me, he screamed and i had bella with me and i kept trying to shelter her. his wife, the daughter, came home and started saying things like 'don't have a heart attack'.........i called vivian, the other daughter, and he got on the phone and started yelling and cussing....i tried to talk to his wife privately, he wouldn't allow it. he said it was his house now and i'm fired and if i'm not fired, he'll quit his job and drive me crazy.......well, i know i'm leaving april st but it will kill my patient if this is allowed to happen this way. we have a very good relationship and it is due to me that she's even alive now. she was actively dying when i went there a year ago....anyway.........i didn't take it personal...but need some suggestions on how to handle him tomorrow..............

[Rapunzel]

Pat,

This sounds like a bigger thing than one person really can handle. I'd get adult protective services involved, since this seems suspicious to you, the son-in-law has acted abusively towards you in front of your client (and one can imagine that he probably also is abusive to his family members, including your client), and you suspect that he is taking advantage of her and using her resources inappropriately. What he is doing is wrong, and it can't be allowed to continue, but it will probably take bigger guns in order to do anything about it. You know, you could also contact law enforcement about his threats to you. And he can't fire you if you aren't working for him, right?

Good luck to you!

his mother-in-law pays me. the sisters and one brother hired me after she also interviewed me......i told my daughter today that i will call the police tomorrow if he's there and raises his voice to me. also, the son is coming over early to be there with me.........thanks for your concern. pat

[(JD)]

WOW how very sorry I am that this has happened to you! It's not bizarre though, but an normal actions for some people... perhaps greedy ones? To me, they see you as the reason she is still alive, and if so greedy, then to get rid of you will allow them to finally... get whatever?

Certainly don't take any abuse.. any MORE abuse! Call the police. If you are able, also contact the lawyer for the lady who is ill, for which reason you were hired. ( Or, whomever is her legal guardian, if one has been selected. ) She needs her advocate to settle this problem.

excellent advice, sky.......they told me not to come in today because they didn't 'want' anything to happen? i am also going to call a lawyer for myself because this son in law seems intent upon libeling and slandering me. and your point of me keeping her alive, wow~ that really makes sense......because this man is that evil. he's always made a living scamming and cheating. he sees me as a huge threat to this big house and the huge farm she owns. i had not thought of it quite the way you put it.....yeah, she'll be neglected, won't be fed properly and meds might even be 'forgotten'........whoa,,,,this makes me cry....she is so helpless and sweet....she used to be really mean to me but she quit that a long time ago and told me last night when i left how much she loves me. thank you for your words.........they mean a lot to me. pat p.s i'm really, really depressed over this.

well, there is a "family" meeting tomorrow. i know that i have two votes.......but my main concern is my patient. how stressful this must be for her. she hasn't seen me since yesterday and she worries if she goes a day without me being there or dropping by. she is 80 yrs old. i have a headache, a neck ache and a back ache and i know that it is all from tension......plus getting the wisdom tooth pulled didn't ice my cake, exactly~~~

spoon yourself up a thick milkshake and try a relaxation pose from yoga for 15 minutes. There are some specific poses for tension or headaches. Perhaps someone knows offhand. I'm sure you know of some on your own.

So sorry this has been added to your plate.

((Pat))

[(JD)]

Ok, glad I thought of something to say for you.

Now, breathe! (the milkshake sounds good too lol) Your patient will want to see you not so stressed too, ok? That will help her not be overly stressed. BUT this is a stressful situation for anyone. Don't panic with it. Do your best. God will know you are doing your best, plus, HE promises to give you the words and thoughts HE wants you to have...
it might be your "trial" and it might not be. sigh.

the meeting is still going on.....................it started hours ago.......the sister that moved the good sister out, called me and fired me earlier today.....but the good sister and the brother went over and they are in a huge brouhaha now......i'm not sure that i want to be back there. this is a really sick bunch of stuff.....but i'm so sorry about my patient. i couldn't go in to see her today...i'm at my daughter's house now and we're waiting to see if we hear anything tonight. i'm sure the son will call me. this is more than bizarre, friends.......thank you so much for all your love and concerns.........xoxoxo i need it........my back is still killing me.........

[(JD)]

k did you happen to have your contract in writing??? As to who hired and who can fire? Of course, with that hostile environment, I 'm not sure you can go back there anyway. They would have to remove the nastys, for me.

no contract............and i am very concerned that i can't go back, even if the two cooler heads prevail with the patient. i just can't tell you how 'evil' the son in law was the other night. and bella heard every word he said......it was a nightmare....and you're so right, she's living too long to suit him........he wants his part now......yuck........

well, my patient's family has been torn asunder over all this......the sister that used to live there told the one that is there now that she was going to move back in and stay til April, my leaving date, and was told that if she did that, it would put her sister and bro-in-law without a home. they gave their $l00k+ home to a son who doesn't work.....so naturally this has all played out the way it was planned. that left the first sister with the choice of me or them. i certainly understand her decision. i picked up my things that were there and was given a severance paycheck....thank God for the first sister. she and the brother insisted upon that. i was not allowed to go into see the patient. that really tears me up....but the rest of the family will go by more often and will be checking her meds, etc. however, the med issue can be gotten around by just throwing a pill away every day.......this makes me so sad..........pat

Oh Pat!

((((((((Pat)))))))

I can't believe these people! Please do check into elder abuse here as these folks sound like they do not have her interests at heart.

I'm so sorry this is going on. I do have faith that your other work prospects prior to moving will pan out.

Kisses for the beautiful granddaughters. Go curl up with fayeroe and the rest of the animals. Let their animal lovin' help heal.

[SS8282]

((((Pat)))))) I'm sorry - it's a rotten thing to have to go through. What happened to getting a lawyer and/or police? The son-in-law or whoever the caretaker is can get into serious trouble if he/she/they don't take care of your patient. I strongly advise that you talk to a lawyer.

Is there anyway that you can call your patient and talk to her on the phone?

[gardenergirl]

Oh Pat,
What a truly awful, frightening, and maddening experience. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. And I am even more sorry that your patient has lost a caring and lovely caretaker.

Hugs...

gg

Thanks, everyone.........i talked to a lawyer and he said that there isn't much that can be done now...no abuse can be proved...so first sister contacted him and will stay in touch with him now. the department of human services won't get involved because no abuse can be proved yet......the first sister is going to go with me to see the patient. plus, i'm writing to her and giving them to the "good" daughter.......calling her won't work. they answer the phone. one part of me is so relieved to not be there with the dysfunctional family members but, the core of me is so upset because i know that i stood between her and the idiot son in law.....long sigh..........my daughter is going to go over and see if she can see her. doubtful, but they will know that we're not backing off entirely. i'm staying really busy......getting ready for big move to Austin.....and keeping my "mind" occupied. Fayeroe has been extra sweet and all of the cats slept on me last night.......huge sigh.........when i throw one off, two more get on........thanks, again, friends....this has really been very bizarre and upsetting. but, the patient knows i love her and that is good......