Tell me...

I have noticed a pattern that I seem to have carried over into the boards from the rest of my life. Several of you have asked me lately to tell you about myself and I find it incredibly hard to do so, as you may have noticed. I have opened up some to a couple of people the last few days.

Anyway, see the thing is that I do a lot better at getting to know other people inside & out than at letting them get to know me. And that pattern has caused me a lot of problems in my life. I have even lost relationships permanently over it.

So please, I am asking for genuine feedback. If you want to be annonymous, just answer the poll and don't comment. But I would deeply appreciate feedback if you feel comfortable giving it, either on this thread or in a pm.

Thanks!
Angela

You are a very warm and giving person, to those who know you very little , very much, and/or extremly well.
it does not hurt to keep a little of your spirit/soul to yourself.
Never second doubt (misspelled)? yourself, you now best how much to reveal.
(((((((Hugs)))))))
Angie and the girls

angela,

i think you show a great relation in posts...that's sharing. when it applies, you'll relate to what another is going through, and share with us.

let's see, i've learned that you love your t, live in utah, go to college, just came back from an awesome vacation, talk with your mother frequently, having it rough financially, are a psych major with a special interestest in dissociation, you LOVE alanis (sp?) and care deeply about others! if i sat here a bit longer, i could think of lots more

i think you're a fine and giving person...sometimes ppl say that (tell me about yourself) out of nervousness where they're uncomfortable with silence and don't know what to say themselves.

i don't know with personal relationships, but i think you're very giving of self here...appropriately so. never second guess what you mean to ppl here or how you come across to ppl here...it's all good!

love,

kd

{{{{{{{Angela}}}}}}} I think you're wonderful. You've always had caring and insightful things to say to me, and many others here. Everyone is different when it comes to disclosing things of a personal nature. I guess it depends on who you trust. It's a little different here because we all live in different places and despite everything we talk about and share, we'll probably never see one another. But there are people who have known me 15 or 20 years who don't know about my son. You have to trust your instinct regarding what you let go of.

Anyway, I like you, so there :-)

Love, Candy

Anything you wish to share is fine with me. My depression prevents me from "keeping track" of most of what is shared here, anyway. You have a sweet spirit to your posts. If you shut us out, we would shun you, like we do to the occasional lurker LOL!

It's fine to reevaluate once in a while, but don't share anything that isn't safe for "you" because in this sense, this is all about you!

(((hugs))))

Thanks everyone! I do disclose things about myself, just maybe not as much as I could.

This has been an issue for me in the past and I have literally had friends as well as romantic interest walk out of my life because they feel I have walled them off from who I really am.

So thanks for the feedback, everyone. I'm glad you all feel like you know me

I am more open with average people and online than I am with a boy. You may ask him to let you know when he feels you put walls up. That way you can become aware when it happens.

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I am more open with average people and online than I am with a boy. You may ask him to let you know when he feels you put walls up. That way you can become aware when it happens.

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Oh EV, I was referring to a couple of differnt boys there. And all of them are not coming back. One is marrying someone else, for instance. Another lives hours away and he has stopped responding to any attempt I make to contact him. He pretends I don't exist.

Thanks for the advice, though. In the future, it will be well-used, I assure you!!

Remember anything you tell someone, if they stop a friendship because of it then they weren,t mature enough or true enough to be your friend
Hope I said that right
{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
Angie

Angela,
I am a firm believer that we can only let out parts of ourselves when we are ready. That is neither good nor bad. It just depends on how we feel about it. We can work on those aspects of ourselves that we want to change...when we are ready.
I have always found you to be a deeply caring person and someone who does share aspects of your life...when you feel comfortable doing so. I do not think that there is anything wrong with that.
You are a great person and a caring board member.

Jessica

Whelp...I think you share what you are comfortable sharing. You're not as "secretive" as some people I've met.

Don't let people push you into sharing more than you're ready to share. You can only share what is comfortable for you when it is comfortable for you.

Honestly...in this day and age, being too safe if better than saying too much. There are some messed up people out there behind computers. I shouldn't say as much as I do...but I'm too trusting a person. You're great just the way you are Angela.

Angela,
There is no doubt that you give of yourself to help others. You truly care and know the right things to say and when to say them. You are a huge asset to this sight.
I have not known you long enough to really give a knowledgable answer. I do think that often trust is a major issue in sharing of ourselves and past hurts can make us more reluctant to share with others.

I have recently found a person in the forum who I trust very much (you know who you are : ) and when you find someone you trust it does become easier to share.

You are a great person and a true friend would give you the time you would need to open up to them.

take care.

Kim

Thank you for the feedback, everyone.

Love lots,
Angela

Now I really hope you beleive in yourself, because we sure do

ANGELA: I vote for what 1DAY and PLACE said. But don't be a cookie-cutter person. Or a yes-person. Yes. Yes. Yes.


Respect for self is the key. If you like the way you are, then it's right for you. Especially if you like prison food.


Adieu

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Especially if you like prison food.

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Prison food?

Prison food????

I get it. *surprised no one else does* ...

Angela, first of all I'm well aware I don't know you nearly well enough to give objective feedback here. I've only been around this forum for a month or so and have barely "talked" with you. So these are just my initial impressions and I'm well aware I could be totally off the mark. Having said that ...

... I think that you strive to make your presence here predominantly "therapeutic" for others. That is neither a good thing nor a bad thing for you personally. It just strikes me as the choice you make.

You have mentioned you are a psych major or something similar (sorry, I forget exactly what at the moment). You come across like a good therapist in this respect: warm and caring, interested in the experiences and well being of those you communicate with, but somewhat reserved with regard to what you share of yourself, possibly viewing yourself as having the "greater responsibility" here to do more "being there" for others than you ask others to do for you, because (I am guessing) you feel that others here may be more fragile or broken or delicate, and it is your heartfelt desire to be gentle with them and not become yet another source of stress or demand in their lives.

Again, these are really raw and "newbie" impressions on my part. I don't know you very well, admittedly, and for all I know there could be 3 or 4 others on here to whom you turn regularly for support and help when you're in a bad place mentally or emotionally, and being new, I simply have not seen it going on. But my overall impression of you is that you maintain the typical self-reserve of the therapist: sharing as much of yourself as it takes to establish warmth and trust, but not so much that you are depending on the rest of the group for support at the same level you seek to provide it to them.

And that's perfectly fine -- so long as it is your choice and you are happy with it.

~mal

That is an interesting perspective, Mal. I think there is something to that, although I never have set out intentionally to interact that way. It's just how I am I think. I greatly appreciate you sharing your perceptions. I'm going to give that some thought. Hmmm...

In the meantime, think you could explain the prison food thing??? LOL!

sweet crusader,
I have foundyou to be receptive and polite w\o being cautiosly formal. When I've said something specifically to you -you have taken the trouble to reply to me.
and as I said before I am comfortable seeing those wings open above. . . it's metaphorical but does that make sense? or am I waxing too poetic for your taste?

Oh don't you worry! I LOVE poetry!!! And I'm glad "my" wings make you feel safe Kimberly (ktp) made that graphic for me

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In the meantime, think you could explain the prison food thing??? LOL!

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Well, really only adieuolivaw can do that for certain, since s/he is the one who said it, but here is what it suggested to me:

adieu said: "respect for self is the key. If you like the way you are, then it's right for you. Especially if you like prison food"

which I take to be hearkening to the mental health criteria that is sometimes invoked which is the relative nature of "mental health" and states if the client is happy, comfortable with himself/herself then they are healthy. Of course that perspective assumes not harming oneself or others, naturally -- but if we take it all by itself without adding those qualifiers then it becomes like saying whatever you are or do is fine as long as you're fine with it -- which theoretically could mean thievery is fine, auto theft is fine, forgery is fine, assault & battery is fine, etc. as long as you're happy with yourself! hence: "especially if you like prison food" since under those circumstances you will doubtless end up in prison at some point! LOL

Make sense?
~mal

hmmm this sounds... to me...

Sweet asked about how we feel about how she is or isn't sharing... not if SHE'S happy with herself or what she's doing or not doing... is that right?

Ok, Mal. I thought it might be something like that. Wasn't sure, though. Thanks