do I carry on.......

Irine · Jan 24, 2009, 11:05 AM

blah, i am tired. emotionally. I feel i need a break for myself from studies that everything takes so much more time than i think it would.

I feel like - that cloth you mope the flour with. On one hand i do develop personally and all the creativ thing is better - and my works too - but i just - you know - you tell yourself you will get up earlier but when it come down to it you find yourself staying up late untill 02:00 AM and getting up and 12:00

I really have tried so force myself to ****ing work especially that now i do come to terms with it but i feel - well there are leftovers of enxiety but i am somehow working on it...i just feel tired, spent,careless. I always have it at the end of the semester.

I wouldfeel bad for not doing things on time, i never did all i planned. It is also hard when you have your own apartment and need to clean and cook. i start the week fine but i always find myself doing something else. not what i shld be doing..(like now lol) but this time i did plan it.

i have an illustraiton class tomorrow. I need to give her 2 finished lustraitons and tomorrow - you know right now at the moment i thought i would actually go dot andam all like "HO NOOOOOO! not another hamster skethc!!!!!

pleaeaeaeaeaeeassse!!!!!!!

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant ****ing do it anymore. if i start now or the one i did on thursday - i feel i am gonna **** it up. and it s easy to destroy but ard to correct - watercolor.

****

what should i do?

I jus think of it and i feel rage ...i hate it...i am SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

leave me the **** alone you mother****ers leave me the **** alone!

i need some REST you know.....

i need to do what i like.. i have JUST STARTED to find myself again after all these years..............

all these ****ing 3 years of HELL

HELL ON EARTH PPL it was hell on earth those 3 years of college. especially the first and the first semester of the third.

I don`t know how i survived it.

sujunew · Jan 24, 2009, 09:24 PM

(((((ladymacabethadmunsen)))))
you sound fed up, exhausted, frustrated... You have obviously gone through a tremdous amount of turmoil in the past 3 years, yet here you are now, a strong woman who HAS survived it all. Just keep looking at how far you have come, how much you have achieved, and take note of all your strengths too. Trying to look after a house on your own while emotionally spent, working AND studying is no small feat. If you try and do 1 bit of housework every day (eg vacuum the floors one day; clean the toilet the next, dust on another day) you know that everything is getting done weekly, and in doses that you can manage.
I hope that things get easier for you, and you are able to get a break as you so deserve. Take care.

Irine · Jan 25, 2009, 02:02 PM

thank you very much i ACTUALLY fogret that....that stuff. I forget that i DID survive it and that i DID the work and that i am about to graduate. I didn`t quick, nor i do now. I do it and do what i have to.

Thanks for the advice. Today i clean the closet...you are right. I guess part of the problem is my patience...i never was a patiente person. Life is curel with me ...i learn it the hard way....

I just need to relax and do things MY WAY i have my own...timing?

heck, this is what i want to do my final project about. I hope its not too late to change the concept from markting and design for a band that i make up and illustrate to something about routine. i think that i an do it.

about how our life is about our chours - orgenizing time, etc.

Jan 25, 2009, 02:37 PM

((( ladymacabethadmunsen)))))))))))))))))
((I just need to relax and do things MY WAY i have my own...timing?)))

You have got it. In your own time you will get there,

Know please that you matter and are important to all here
I hope things become alittle less stressful in college and life
you are a amazing person.
muffy