[vacantangel]

My sister took my mom to see her GP this AM and he took one look at her and was appalled that they let her go home when I took her to the hospital. The hospital had told me she had at least one mini stroke. The GP said it was a major stroke and I had been doing some research online and that's what I had discovered myself from what is going on. Anyway, the GP, which is also my GP, phoned the hospital immediately and had it out with them and told them she was coming right back and wanted her thoroughly checked out and admitted. So, my sister is still at the hospital with my mom and has been all day. My brother has been updating me. She has been admitted and they've run a barrage of tests, no idea what yet, and still have a lot more to be done. It has been determined that she did have at least one major stroke. They have said that my mom can never go back to her house. She will now have to live in a nursing home with 24hr medical care.

I know she is getting the care that she needs and I'm very thankful for that, but this is all so terribly upsetting. I know this is not how she would want her life and it kills me to know that she has to go through all this.

I'm soooooo distraught again and the tears are flowing.

I'm sorry to bring this subject up again but I need some support.

[h0kie]

I don't know what to say. There's nothing I can say to make things better. PM me if you need anything.

(((((((((AngelGirl))))))))))

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((Angelgirl))))))))))))) im so sorry to read this i wish i had something better to say... im sorry you and your mom are going through this.

[LMo]

(( Angel ))

How old is your mom? Has she been able to say anything since Wednesday?

[vacantangel]

Thanks for all the hugs. I actually had a normal conversation with her last night, although she spoke very softly. Sometimes she seems fine with her speech and other times she says half a sentence and can't finish it. She has lost short term memory. Couldn't figure out how to take all her meds that she has been taking for years and yesterday when she went to have a shower she scalded herself with only using the hot water. Luckily my sister was there because we don't feel comfortable leaving her alone in the house, especially for cooking and her meds. These are just some of the reasons she must go to a nursing home. She was already dealing with several other disabilities that were not making her very happy to have until she died and how she has this too. My dad died of a stroke years ago but he went into a coma and never came out of it. He died within a week. I'm so distraught. I'm glad my brother is coming to Toronto tomorrow. He's been helping me on the phone up to this point. It's just so sad that my mom has to live like this, when I know she must hate it and it hurts me to see her go through this too and

I'M NOT READY TO LOSE MY MOM!!! WE'RE VERY CLOSE!!!

[darkeyes]

(((((((((( hugs ))))))))))


DE

[vacantangel]

Thanks for the hugs DE.

[SpazKatt]

*HUGS*

[vacantangel]

Thanks Spazkatt.

[vacantangel]

I have another update on my mom. She's definitely never going back home again. She's had a ton of tests today and will again on Monday. Not sure what they are until I'm able to talk directly with my sister. I've been getting updates from my brother. She now realizes what's going on and is upset that she can't go back home. She told my sister that she wants to die now. I knew she would hate her life like this. She wasn't even very accepting of all her health problems that she had prior to this. The hospital has admited that the ER dr screwed up big time and should never have let me take her home. My brother is offering to have her live with him instead of a nursing home. I hope she decides to take him up on his offer. Unfortunately, it will mean that she will live several hours away from me and we won't be able to talk every day like we've been doing before this happened. I'll *really* miss her but I think it is better for her to be with family instead of in a nursing home. She can always change her mind at any point and come back to Toronto if she isn't happy living so far away from both my sister and I. She is never going to get any better than she is now. Like I said, she is not happy at all and has expressed that she wants to die now. I'm so distraught over all this. I can't stand to see my mom like this. It's so heartbreaking. My brother, sister and I will be getting together on Sunday to discuss everything together. I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with this.

[gardenergirl]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know it's hard on everyone. You and your family are in my prayers.

Did the doctor say she is never going to get any better? I know that people can recover some function after strokes. Not always everything. And not always even as much as they would like. But you can get some better. Don't give up hope that she might make some meaningful gains.

And I agree that if she can stay with family versus a nursing home, that is a better arrangement. It's hard to be a caretaker. I hope your brother will have some support where he is. But being around loved ones is so important to quality of life.

Hang in there. Talk to your T. Talk to us. Take care of yourself, too. Remember that airplane safety lesson: you have to put on your own oxygen first before you can help anyone else.

((((AG))))

gg

[nothemama8]

AngelGirl remember Angie told you about her Grandma having many, many strokes and she got better slowly but she did get better, have some faith as long as you show your Mom a brave front she will also have faith, she will want to get better
Reah

[vacantangel]

gg

Thanks. My mom's paralysis is improving a bit. Her speech never will nor will her memory. That part of her brain has been damaged.

She is considering going to live with my brother but has huge hesitations that my brother doesn't know about but will be told on Sunday. It won't be easy for him to hear it but he must because it's a huge concern for my mom. My brother's wife, although not affected by any mental disorder, is an extremely moody person. My mother has a very difficult time dealing with that at the best of times. Last year she went to stay with them for a week. I went up mid week and she ended up coming home with me, half way through her intended stay due to my brother's wife's moods. If she can't get through more than a half week, how is she going to be able to live with them?

Another thing is that my brother is not well himself. He is insulin dependent diabetic and has several related problems, which often lands him in the hospital, several times a year. His wife does not cope with all that very well and even deals with a lot of anger at the time, every time this happens. What effect will all this have if my mom is living there and this should happen, which it most likely will. These things need to be fully addressed before any decisions are made.

In the meantime, my brother, sister and I are having a family councel time to discuss everything on Sunday.

Also, my mom won't be leaving the hospital any time soon. They are still running tests on her and are trying to determine where the blood clot originated. Also her blood pressure is currently 228/90 as of today. When I took her to the ER it was 200/90. Obviously this is a real concern and one that is being addressed presently.

Whatever happens, I hope my mom will be as happy as she can be with whatever decision she makes, it is hers to make and not one of us children and what we want. And she always has the option at any time to change her mind for an alternate place to be and she is aware of that.

Thank you for your concern and support. Much appreciated.

[vacantangel]

Thanks Rhea for your encouraging reply. My mom is showing some improvement and hopefully there will be more. Having the brave front is the hardest for me. I'm going to try my best and meds will certainly help me and the support of my brother right beside me will go a long way too. Thanks again for your support.

[jetblackaura]

Ok i've read most but not all of what is in this thread and i just want to say sorry that you're going throught htis...my grandad is going throught the same thing..but they're keeping in him in a stroke unit and he is getting physio and speech therapy and all sorts of other stuff - is there not a facility like this available for your mum??

(((((angelgirl))))

[MacD]

you're in my heart and in my prayers...as is your mother, and the whole family....this kind of health crisis really tests a family and i know the meeting tomorrow will be a challenge for all concerned...Just try to hang on to the bigger picture and the value of having family that is willing to continue trying at all. (when a family member of mine became disabled, we were shocked at the number of members who weren't interested in participating in the care and rehabilitation at all)...they just stepped away...But at least you have some family who are keeping the discussion and options open..despite everyones human limitations...And Believe Me...That is Not As Common As It Should Be....anyway..i'll be praying for you and yours tomorrow (whether that's considered PC or not) and asking that the powers that be comfort you and guide you in making the right decisions. love grace.

[vacantangel]

jetblackaura, yes, she is going to be starting all that on Monday. I was with her tonight and her blood pressure is elevated again. It's now 208/81. Hopefully, Monday when full staff come on, things will be different. I'm sorry that your granddad is in the same situation. Thanks for the support and hugs.

[vacantangel]

Thanks sweetie for your comforting words and prayers. We are getting together to make sure everybody is on the same page so to speak and discuss all the options that we know of at this point. We all very much love my mom and this is very hard on all of us. Thanks for your prayers. Very much appreciated and needed.

[gardenergirl]

AG,
I'm glad your family will be getting together to talk about this. And you sound like you have a healthy attitude about it, despite your fears. Good for you. You'll get through this. Keep on keeping on. That's all any of us can do.

((((AG)))))

gg

[SeptemberMorn]

AngelGirl, the same thing happened to my mom and I; going to the ER and the dr not recognizing what was going on.

I agree that family is better than being put in a convalecent hospital. I moved my mom in with me. She had several strokes and died three months after the first one.

Taking care of her was the hardest thing I've even done in my life. Watching her deteriorate daily was almost imposible. First, I was afraid she was going to die and then I was afraid she wouldn't. She lost her speech almost right away but she could move her arms and legs. I could tell how frustrated she was with her condition.

A friend of mine would come spend the day with me and take care of the kids, do the cooking and cleaning and a visiting nurse would come check on my mom, but I don't remember sleeping during that time.

There is so much you need to consider before you make any kind of a decision. If there's any way I can help you, please let me know.

Most of all, my heart and my prayers are with you.

Please take care of yourself, ok? If you don't help yourself first, you won't be able to help your mom.

[vacantangel]

Thanks gg.

[vacantangel]

I'm sorry you've gone through the same thing. As for myself

[SpazKatt]

AG I hope you're doing ok *hugs*

[vacantangel]

Thanks Katt. I'm doing a lot better tonight. I have my t appt tomorrow morning to help me deal with it. I had an emergency session with her just a few days ago. I'm trying to think positive about my mom and I keep encouraging her to not get frustrated with her limitations and to work as best as she can with the occupational and physiotherapy starting tomorrow. She is being assigned a team of doctors tomorrow as well, when full staff is on duty.

I want to thank everybody for all your support. I know I've been a royal pain posting in my grieve the last few days. You'll never know how much the support all of you have shown means to me. Luv y'all!!!

[SeptemberMorn]

Sweety, I'm sorry that I lost my mother, that she had to be so ill for such a long time, that my family went through hell while I cared for her, that it touched off my depression and anxiety, but I'm NOT sorry for the experience. It made me a stronger, better person in oh, so many ways.

The experience gave me the ability to relate to you and this particular pain you are going through. Please, if you need to vent, express yourself in any way about it, know that you can come to me. I may have insights to what you're going through.