[parsifal]

I have problems getting enough rest when living with people who are seemingly completely inconsiderate or even combative. I have anxiety especially when it comes to sleep, but the idea with living with someone I don't feel comfortable or friendly with makes me nervous as well. I've had bad experiences with roommates who have done inappropriate or otherwise unsettling things, but it gets to the point even now where if I wake up to people making noise (especially if I've discussed the issue with them before), I feel like I turn into a helpless child, and I just want everything to be perfect and quiet right then.

Like I said, I've talked to my (new) current roommate once or twice about it, and he's apologized, but I still am anxious about being able to live here and sleep as normal. And as I said I feel out of control when trying to deal with this as it happens (especially if specific fears of being awoken come true), I want to make sure that in the future, I can deal with this, because I don't necessarily like having to avoid roommates or being in the same place as other people. I talked to my girlfriend about it, and she seemed pretty upset at how almost hysterical and angry I could get about it. Thank you very much for any help you can give.

[SS8282]

Hi. What is it about roommates that you don't like? It doesn't seem as if it's just one particular person, seems like you'll feel like this no matter who your roommate is.

Also, why are you anxious about sleeping? I'm thinking that if somehow you can get that resolved, then the roommate issues will be settled too.

Take care.

[parsifal]

Yeah definitely. That's exactly it: I want to deal with this. But I have felt better today, having thought about it and talked about it.

But like I said, it's like I attribute past problems to the current situation. And along with that, I haven't really gotten to know my roommate(s) (although it is primarily one roommate that I'm concerned about) better, which makes it seem worse in my mind, like all I can do is imagine it being bad (etc., if that makes sense).

But I haven't felt like myself lately, probably not only because of this. I haven't felt the self-reliance I've been building up, and like I said I've felt like kind of a child. I feel like I should isolate myself for a while -- I feel like it could contaminate my relationship with my girlfriend as well, possibly introducing selfish thinking or dependence or something. But like I said, I've been feeling much better after tonight.

[parsifal]

Oh, but with sleeping, it seems to be especially sensitive when I'm in a new situation. Like, I'm partiularly demanding about getting enough and exactly when I need it, in particular circumstances. Also lately I have been going to bed earlier. Sometimes in the past, I have dealt with not being able to sleep with just saying "screw it" and staying up until I just pass out, but I feel like in this situation that wouldn't necessarily be helpful since it feels like some of the aspects (roommates) are out of my control.

But with sleep, man the other night when my roommate had people over at 3:30 and I woke up, I did feel out of control and desperate. But I noticed later that I didn't think about leaving and going somewhere else (giving up/in?). My girlfriend was with me though, and she was aware about it before I woke up. But I feel bad too, and cautious, because as I said, I don't want these "old" out-of-control feelings to taint anything.

I've had similar problems with past roommates. My resolution was to start wearing earplugs to bed. I bought an extra loud alarm clock so that I wouldn't oversleep and the roommate issue went away. They could have people over and I could get my sleep. I also get extremely moody when I don't get enough sleep and God forbid you wake me up before I'm ready... I get so angry I could spit nails. Ear plugs are my sleep savior. Hope this helps.

[parsifal]

yeah I have thought about that, but I feel like it would be giving up or avoiding solving the problem? I dunno maybe not. But anyway; about earplugs: do they really help that much? Even with voices and bassy sounds? Are they uncomfortable? How long have you done this?