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#1
Apr 27, 2009, 11:08 AM
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So I've had a pretty checkered past, been in the psych hospital twice - addicted to drugs and alcohol, bulimic, clinically depressed, self injurious, PTSD, on meds for most of my adult life. I have my life in order now for the most part - great husband, good job, plans for the future. I keep falling into this trap - I'm better now, I don't need any help. I haven't been on meds for about three years. I'm not near as bad as I was and have an easier time coping and dealing with issues than I used to. However, that black cloud seems like its coming down again. I am by turns anxious and depressed, most of all overwhelmed. I don't want to go back on medication. Doesn't anyone just get better? Why when your external life is in order does it feel like things suddenly start to go wrong in your brain? Why can't I just be happy when I have things in my life that make me happy? Why can't I focus on the present? Iam always thinking that something else will make me happy, that I need more. But I don't want more. I just want to be happy and fulfilled right now.
Sorry such a rant. I am doing much better, that is what is so frustrating. In my black and white world, if I'm not so bad I need to be hospitalized, then I don't think anything is wrong with me. I can't see the gray. |
 TapestryLight
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#2
Apr 27, 2009, 10:09 PM
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Reina,
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#3
Apr 27, 2009, 10:18 PM
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Are you doing any kind of talk therapy? That might help access what is really going on and what is really bothering you.
I've been on meds for years, and don't know if I'll ever be off. Sometimes I hate the thought of that, but when I think of that darkness that was over me just a few weeks back I feel like that might not be such a bad thing. I have a chemical imbalance for sure, and am trying to get my stuff together, yet again. I am glad you are feeling better. I think you should seek either talk therapy or even keep a journal and start writing what bothers you and why. Maybe by doing this it can help you pinpoint what is going on. 
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Sad in TX   
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#4
Apr 28, 2009, 02:46 AM
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It sounds to me like you need to talk to a psychiatrist. He may want to give you some meds as it sounds like you're borderline psychotic. Sooner or later stopping meds usually catches up with us. My thoughts are with you.
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#5
Apr 28, 2009, 03:00 AM
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Take it from someone else with a checkered past....the past seems to creep up a bit, sometimes......
  I listen to a Christian radio show that has a saying offered over and over, be a product of your past...not a PRISONER of your past.....  Easier said than done...sometimes I wonder, if radio talk show hosts ever truly suffered the ways those with our illnesses do... YES- people DO just GET BETTER...psychcentral is a testament to that, I read it here all the time, actually! Journaling is a great idea! When was the last time you made a list of improvements in your life that are _still_ improvements, sometimes, we need a little pat on the back, it seems you have come soooooo far!  Could you write more about what began these negative feelings?
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