Can they really throw an IEA at me now?

Okay, was doing shytty and for sure could've been involuntarily admitted. But back in January when I OD'd three times in three weeks, was self-harming frequently and severely, was scaring different people to the point police were called multiple times (even went to the ER for that, but discharged after medical clearance), and was just overall out of my mind, that was never brought up. They (treatment team nor ER) even recommended going to the hospital voluntarily.

Stopped my meds two days ago and have actually gone a whole day without doing something destructive/harmful (or being unable to because of the aftermath of such) for the first time in three months, and today they threaten me with those three letters.

"We're hospitalizing you because you were a danger to yourself a week ago." Can they do that? Are they going to do that Monday?

I don’t know what they can do, but clearly something needs to be done. But I don’t see how the hospital is helpful since to fight it. Anything designed to help, you fight. It’s as if you are too scared to allow anything to help you.

Jee, maybe because prior attempts at "helping" me involved having a gun pointed at me because I had pink paint in my hair or just felt like invalidation. Maybe if my therapist didn't cancel 15 minutes before my appointments, or maybe if they actually did at least call to fking cancel instead of leaving me in the waiting room manic and overstimulated af for as long as I could bear while they're an hour away, or maybe if I wasn't forced to take a medication that's side effects ended up being the reason I tried to kill myself despite me saying "this med is making me miserable and I honest to God feel less horrible unmedicated." Or maybe if while inpatient other patients didn't joke about me dying. Or maybe if while inpatient they didn't spew BS like "the ocean makes you happy because salt has positive ions. (yeah, it also has negative ions, moron, does that mean it makes you sad too? Or can I just inject a bunch of table salt to be happy? Lead acetate has positive ions, does that mean it's good for your mental health?)

I don't know how not to "fight the hospital" when the reason I don't have a place I feel okay to live in right now is because I went in December. When it's overmedication central. When, lately, every time I go it's "I don't think it's a med issue, I think you just need a place to feel like you can exist."


Yeah, I am scared to allow anything to help me. Because I've been promised help a lot, and maybe 5% of the time has it NOT been harm. Maybe not help, but not harm.. No. That's my bad taste skekwing things, it's probably more like 20% not harm.

Oh, and let's not forget the meds that made me stop peeing and they didn't know they could make me stop peeing so I got a catheter and they, being psych ward nurses and not real nurses, fked it up and tore up my urethra and bladder... only for one of the nurses to see chunks of red in the bag of piss and say it was my period! I don't think my uterus is connected to my bladder, I'm sorry, I know I'm not a nurse who went to school and studied anatomy, but I do have a lot of experience with the THREE holes down there

Just sharing my experience here so take it or leave it.

My life was seriously screwed up for a long time and I was a mess psychologically and physically due to addiction, bad choices, and not well treated mental health issues. I was in and out of hospitals, rehabs, and transitional housing. I was self harming, OD'ing on a semi-regular basis and couldn't get, much less, keep a job.

What changed? I finally decided to stay sober and not drink no matter what. It was harder than anything else I've ever done. Short term nothing changed. My life was still a mess and I felt like crap. But, I had kind of made up my mind that my life wasn't getting better drinking so maybe I should be serious about quitting so maybe I should just focus on that.


It was a very long process and it was hard. I was 1.5 years sober before I was well enough to start very light volunteering. I knew I had zero chance of finding a job then, because I'd been out of work for so long and so decided to volunteer to get something current on my resume. 6 months of volunteering and I was able to apply for a very part time job. After about 3 years sober my mental health started getting better and I was able to start tapering off some of my psych meds and increase my hours at work. Now at 6 years sober I have 2 part time jobs with the same organization and am working close to full time hours. I'm involved in patient advocacy and speak to health discipline students. I've successfully come off 3 meds and feel better than ever. My meds are actually working now since I'm taking them consistently as prescribed.

But none of that, not volunteering, working, getting stable housing, or reducing my meds would have been possible without quitting alcohol.

Getting well and achieving any other goal does not happen without a lot of work making different and better choices. Until that happens, the bad stuff is going to keep happening to us..

Could you have stayed sober if you lived with someone who drank and stressed you to the moon and your only other options are homeless shelters or other addicts?

I'll get sober. I'll get arrested, but it's okay, it's NH, I'll be out on PR bail and probably won't have to go back to court until after I'm dead.

I don't know whether I would have or not in that situation but I do know about a client I worked with in a previous job..

J lives in what's called a wet house. It's a supportive housing residence for people who have severe alcohol addiction, can't live on their own, and can't quit alcohol. it's a freaking depressing place to live, nobody who lives there is going to live very long. Doctors there prescribe a certain amount of alcohol per hour which staff measure and pour. They pour every hour from 8 am to midnight with another as needed pour at 3 am for residents who can't make it through the night.

J. has been sober 3 years. He got sober in an environment where alcohol was literally everywhere and living with a bunch of drunks is not easy.. He is stuck still living there due to the shortage of affordable housing in my city. He hates it but copes.

J has taught me that no matter your circumstances you can get and stay sober if you want it bad enough.

Yeah, I really don't. I'm cali-sober, just the weeds to not attack random people.