I'm so upset, crying...

Have four rescue dogs & got a 5th one around second week of Oct. She was bigger than we were told & more aggressive. She hasn't been a good fit, but my husband fell in love with her.

Today big episode with her & my smallest dog who has also had knee surgery.
It was the tipping point, new dog had my little one pinned in corner barking & that's what I got up to today. Little dog won't get out of my arms & takes me forever to calm her & the others down. Little dog won't let me out of her sight.
New dog had consumed all the attention from our dogs. They were a pack & she was boss, a sweet dog to humans but an attention hog.

I made the decision after lunch to send her back to rescue organization, one of the hardest things I've had to do, have cried all afternoon. I'm sure she is so confused now, but will get a better fit in another home.

My husband hates me, thinks I over reacted, but he's never here & hasn't seen this coming. I feel like a heartless human being...

((kindachaotic)) - I think you made the right decision even though its a hard one and I would have done the same thing if I was in your place. You have experience with rescue dogs and you needed to trust your senses. It does seem like the dog had an aggression problem and was trying to be alpha dog. You would feel even worse if he ended up hurting your other dogs. Its clear you love animals and did the right thing.

Chaotic

This makes me so sad. I am sure that you indeed made the right choice. Not just for your family but also for the new dog. I am sure they will find him a home that is a good fit for him. That must have been a very hard choice to make. And I am sure your husband does not hate you, impossible. I'm sorry he reacted in such a way, I am sure he will get over it.

What bothers me the most is that you are feeling like a horrible person. And that bothers me so much because I know for a fact that it isn't true! You are an amazing person, you are caring and compassionate person who does her best to stand by people and dogs alike, lend them a hand or shoulder wherever and whenever you can.

I really hope you can find a way to be easy with yourself right now. I will be thinking about you. Let us know how you are doing ok ?

So, now you're left with 5 animals - 4 dogs, and a husband who is acting like a jackalope?

Even with teary eyes, THIS made me laugh out loud.

Anika, Yes I do actually feel as bad about my husbands cruel words as I do having to give the dog back.

Thanks so much for your kind words. They mean the world to me right now.
Whole nother chapter about husband...

You guys are the best!!!

Thanks! As everybody else said, your story really touched us all. My T LOVES dogs, I always thought I was a cat person until I fell in love with my various neighbors and friends dogs, and I really get the dog "psychology".

Me too !
Hey, it was a chancy thing to start with. You knew it, even if hubby fell in love. He knew there was a problem in size & temperament & if he wanted it to work needed to take the new girl in hand.

You love critters. But it wouldn't be right to sacrifice the established pack in order to keep the new dog. It just wasn't a good match. If anything, maybe you ought to have sent her back sooner--but you were trying to give them all time.

They'll find the right home for her. She'll be okay. & the important thing: Your established four are secure now. You done gud, kid! Took guts--I'm proud of you.
Roadrunner

Roadrunner, you & everybody else was right. Little dog is short haired, it's white & you can see right thru it. Yesterday thought I saw a red place on front leg & today it's a pretty big bruise.

Think I made the right decision, but husband still doesn't...

You are so sweet to respond to my thread. Can you be my Aunt or something?

aww bless your heart, I agree with everyone else, You have made the right decison, I am sure that the dog will find another loving home, Your husband will come around

@ hamster your comment did make me giggle too.

I like hamster that's more gentle! maybe hubby identified with dog#5 intimidating the other dogs and liked being the big dog, but I think the PC pack is gonna fight back in the 2nd round.

Kindachaotic,
I watched Ceaser the dog whisperer last night on Nat Geo Channel and he actually dealt with a case like your describing. The family brought a new Great Dane home to replace one that had died and left one very lonely. When they brought it home it was very domineering and just took over and even taking over the other dog. Ceaser changed that dog by stepping in and taking charge and making it known that the dog had to submiss.
It was very interesting to watch.

He also picked a partner for a boxer dog as that dog has lost it's partner and he went to the pound and walked around and picked the quietest female, one that showed little aggression. Then he took the dog out of the pound and for a walk making it know that he was in charge and calmed it down, then he paired the two dogs and waited for the female to be sumissive and he told the owner, dogs are not humans they need to know their place they need to know who is the boss, the human not the dog. I learned a lot from that one episode.

With a little dog like that and a new bossy dog coming in, it is so important the new dog learn to be sumissive and not take charge. So, if you adopt another dog, make sure it is submissive and dont allow a new dog to take charge.

If you can ever find a way to get The dog wisperer videos, or I don't know if you get National Geographic channel where you are. You should look into finding a way to watch him, he is just amazing and can change many bad habits that dogs present.

Don't feel bad, you have to think of the pack that you already have and not put stress on that pack. Your husband is just going to have to understand. You are doing a great job, so many dogs need homes, we cannot save them all.

Open Eyes

Open Eyes, Have watched Dog Whisper for years & always enjoyed it.

It's what Roadrunner alluded to, if 2adults in the home treat dog differently then dog stays confused, feels insecure & behavior gets worse.

That's what happened here, he thought it was cute, but got dangerous.
Everyone lost.

I know they will find her a good home.

You just wrote a book in 2 lines on here.

Chaotic likes gentle, just like my four pack.

it's always hard bringing a new on into an established pack...depends on breed, sex (intact ?) age etc.

it's usually best to do it on neutral territory & to have a few extra hands around to help. because i foster & hit the dog park all the time...my herd is used to having new ones in the house (i dog sit also)..but i am still cautious.

you almost always get some posturing...well..just because. milan's stuff might work for a few seconds but after that you will always have the backlash (not saying he isn't popular)..like kids once punished after the "glow" wears off they start again. dogs are used to jostling for a pack leader & a new arrival is just doing what he is supposed to do..find out where he belongs.

you can't let it get out of hand...i agree with that..& there are some things you can do to control it or help it along but we also can't decide who the leader of the dogs will be (other than the fact that the ultimate leader or alpha is us) i have seen some instances where a new arrival has become the pack alpha..& it's been ok...so to some extent you do have to let the dogs sort it out..albeit safely.

my male thinks he is the alpha. knows it. has been here the longest (5 yrs). wants to be treated that way. problem is he isn't. my older foster girl IS the alpha *****. she rules the house. she has only been here a year & will be here for ever due to health reasons. the youngest doesn't have a clue & doesn't care.

with new arrivals i let them leash drag for a while..reminds them they can't free range & they are not large & in charge. plus if i need to i can grab them. plus i keep everyone apart if i am unsure. & i trust my gut.

but in the end you have to keep your dogs safe.