[Travelinglady]

One of the ways I cope with life is by always looking for the humor in it. So, since I read a lot of jokes and look for other humor, I thought maybe I could start this pet humor thread, so people could post animal jokes, pictures, videos, and even humorous stories about their own pets. I'll start, anyway! And I hope some of the rest of you will add some things, too!

A lady went into a pet shop. There was a parrot on his perch. She said, "Oh, I've always wanted a parrot. I'm going to buy him!"

The man said, "Now, lady, I can understand if you want a parrot, but I'm not sure if you want this bird. He talks all right, but he curses and talks very ugly."

She said, "That's okay. I'll straighten him out. I know I can retrain him. So, I'm going to buy him."

Sure enough, she hadn't had him too long when he ripped out all the curse words you can imagine.

She was very upset. "You are not allowed to talk that way," she told the bird. "But I'm going to give you another chance. And you say, 'Yes, ma'am' when I ask you questions. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," the parrot responded.

He did okay for a bit, but then he forgot and spouted off again, so she put him in the freezer. Sometime later, when she figured he had learned his lesson, she took him out. He had frost on his feathers, he was rigid, and his beak was blue! When he had thawed out, the owner said, "Now, don't talk like that anymore! Do you understand now?"

"Yes, ma'am," the parrot answered. "All I want to know is--what in the world did the turkey in there do?"

(I hope I didn't get off to a bad start with "animal abuse"! )

[Kymaro]

lol- good one, I dont have one now but going off to look for one.

[Travelinglady]

A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked.

"No," said the man. A few minutes later the dog took a bite out of the man's leg.

"Hey," said the man, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite."

"That's not my dog," replied the man.

[Travelinglady]

[Travelinglady]

A man brought a very limp dog into the vet's office. As he laid the dog on the table, Doctor Buck pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the Doc shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, Doc turned and left the room. In a few minutes, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The retriever went right to work, sniffing the poor dog and checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the retriever shook his head sadly and said, "Woof."

The vet then took the retriever out and brought in a cat. The cat walked around the poor dog several times and then sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." Then the cat jumped off the table and left the room.

The vet said, "Well, there's nothing more that I can do." He handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner said, "That's ridiculous. $600 just to tell me that my dog has passed on!"

The Doc shook his head, again sadly. "If you had just taken my word for it, then the cost would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan.... $600!"

[Travelinglady]

[sundog]

[sundog]

[greylove]

[Travelinglady]

Cat Quotes

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get 8 cats to pull a sled through the snow.

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Cats aren't clean; they're just covered with cat spit!

[Travelinglady]

[Travelinglady]

An Eastener walked into a Western saloon and saw a dog playing poker with three men. He asked, "Can that dog really play cards?"

One of the men answered, "Yeah, but he's not much good at it. Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail."

[Travelinglady]

Dog quotes:

There's nothing friendlier in the world than a wet dog.

You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

[Travelinglady]

Cat quotes

Cats are delicate creatures subject to a great many ailments, but none of them suffer from insomnia.

There are many intelligent creatures in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. As far as they are concerned, the Egyptians had the right idea!

[Winter Moon]

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

[Travelinglady]

[Travelinglady]

[sundog]

[Travelinglady]

[Travelinglady]

[Travelinglady]

Oh, well, I don't know what happened to that last picture. And it was a good one, too!

Okay, I'll see what else I can do.

[Travelinglady]

At the end of the workday, an officer parked his police van in front of the station. His K-9 partner in the back of the van began barking.

A little boy standing nearby asked, "Is that a dog you got back there?"

"Yes," answered the policeman.

The little boy looked puzzled as he asked, "What did he do?"

[Travelinglady]

[Travelinglady]

I have a video about giving pills to cats and dogs that a friend e-mailed me. I'd like to post it, but I don't know how. In the meantime, if anyone has access to it and can post it, it is funny! Thanks!

A young cat came home late and her mother bawled her out. Finally the young cat said, "But, mama, why can't I live one of my own lives!"

[Travelinglady]