My puppy knows...

I'm not sure if I should post this here or under a Mental Health support forum but here goes….

Whenever my puppy looks at me judgmentally (yes, he totally has a judgmental expression…I don't *think* I'm imagining this), I fear I'm not being a good enough puppy mommy. Sometimes what he really means is "I'm hungry" or "I need to pee, get your *** up." But now I'm developing this fear that he can see right through me in a way humans cannot and knows that I'm a damaged person likely to recapitulate her parents' mistakes…and he's looking at me judgmentally because he's dissatisfied with my parenting. Which makes me wonder if I am, in fact, repeating their mistakes.

I try to be very careful to congratulate him when he does something right because I don't want him to feel like I'm always finding fault with him and his chewing. And I definitely cuddle him and tell him he's a good boy every day. But when he gets destructive it's impossible for me to hang out with him without repeatedly saying "No! Leave it!" and I don't want our entire relationship to be me telling him what not to do…so I put him in his playpen with his toys in hope that he'll chew on appropriate things. But that puts an end to our cuddle session

Whenever he looks at me judgmentally I imagine he's thinking of the last time I put him in that pen…and I feel really guilty about it.

I've never had a dog before so I don't have many ideas for games around the apartment and he's not into fetching but we do have a game we play with his puppy football (I'm a party poop and refuse to play tug-of-war with him because I feel we do that enough with clothes, bedding, rugs, etc…I don't think he needs any more encouragement.) He does get plenty of exercise outside and we did a beginner obedience class (he knows "drop it/leave it")…I'm hoping this chewing is just a phase that will eventually pass.

I know that a good part of this is my own insecurities but I just wanted to ask the seasoned pet owners here how much time/day, ideally, should I be actively interacting with my puppy? I would love nothing more than to have him cuddle with me on the bed or on the couch all the time but he'd leave the place in tatters if that were to happen. I just want to make sure he's getting enough emotional support and that he isn't actually disappointed with me and unable to say so.

Get your puppy some things that ARE okay to tug ~ like one of those ropes at the local PETCO. https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtu...g-play-tug-war

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/i...SwCmwOtRZWj6YA

Another love puppies and dogs have is the Kong ball, stuffed with some kind of treat. Like peanut butter, dog biscuit, ...

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...u2-pK6d303hrKQ

Oh~ and dogs do need some kind of sleeping home to go into at night, or during the day. An example follows:
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...eKQ9sZ6ohQYXYg

Puppy training does take time, repetition, and some patience. You can do it!

The crates are not jails. Dogs feel safe in therir caves , it's their time out to relax and think puppy thoughts. If you must use it to teach him what's off limits that's ok, he knows he's safe in there. Maybe the biggest thing you need is to be the alpha dog. Sounds to me like the real tug o war is between you and him over who gets to be in charge.

You're doing good
You know, I came across an article on mnn.com that's called 10 things dogs hate that humans do. It mostly circled around one thing, *talking*. Dogs are confused by our *talking* so says this article. I agree with most of the points but anyway, try to love on your pup like you have been but when he's acting up, try and use body language with a quick command. If you're already doing that, you're golden
He's not judging you, he's telling you he does see you and he loves the you he sees.

Hmm...maybe I shouldn't be having one-sided conversations with him then...although he's definitely picking up on things through all the banter (like when I'm talking about feeding him or brushing his teeth). Talking probably isn't the best way to connect with him though.

I do think we need to work on the chain of command a little bit. He's a very entitled little guy and maybe it is because I worry too much.

Thanks for the support! I'll try to remind myself that puppies don't mind hanging out in a pen. He does need boundaries.

Since he's a puppy he may be teething. Make sure you have many things around that he can chew on and try to encourage that. When he starts chewing on something he shouldn't, inturupt the behaviour and redirect him to something appropriate.

I second all the good advice here and especially shezbot's advice to get a Kong (these are very durable and are worth the money) because it will keep puppy busy and out of trouble. My dog will play and chew on it forever if I put peanut butter or biscuits in it.

Sherbet, the others have given excellent advise about dealing with his behavior. I would not worry about him judging you. One of the great things about dogs is that they love us no matter what. That said, I've had some master manipulators who would give me this hurt, reproachful look if I corrected their behavior. Keep loving him and keep setting boundaries for him.

Thank you for all the advice.

I might have the only puppy who's not into Kongs. I've filled them with all kinds of treats and peanut butter…keeps him occupied for maybe 5 minutes until he gets bored. His greatest reward is getting his way…he'll easily pass on a Kong to do so. He's just not very food-driven. He has a very healthy appetite at mealtimes but even the dog trainer was amazed to see how unmotivated he is by treats (he did "sit" and I when tried to reward him with a fresh biscuit he wouldn't touch it). There's just only so much he'll do for a treat, even if he likes it.

We have tons of toys but usually he finds each toy's Achilles heel pretty quickly and destroys it to the point that the toy is no longer safe. He has a soft bite but he's very strategic and goes straight for the seams…he doesn't really chew his toys he just dismembers them and tries to eat the pieces.

We do have a few toys that seem to be better-made than the others and some natural products (like antlers) that hold up. But now I'm afraid to give him the antler because of reports of dogs breaking their teeth on them. In any case, none of this stuff is as interesting as socks, duvets and bathmats.

I think it's just a matter of patience. He's better than he used to be…I'm hoping he'll be even better in a few months. I just want to have a good relationship with him once he's all grown up and past this phase. It's like lizardlady said…I get this hurt, reproachful look when I stop him from destroying the duvet or something. Obviously he isn't entitled to destroy things but it still breaks my heart to see that look on his face. It is always good to hear others have gone through this, got the upset puppy faces, and have nevertheless raised well-behaved companions.

My boy Arrow used to work "the look" on me too..it does get better. You know...I switched to a different food that was better and he was happier with, and the mischief lightened up a lot. Puppies will be puppies but I wonder if switching food would help..there are a lot of great toys that are safe if they get "ingested". I forget the name of the company but will post here when I find it. Kong's have to be surgically removed if pieces frag off it poor babies can't pass it

My 5-year old maltese is a big chewer so over the years I've tried everything.

He loves bully sticks. We call them chewies. A new chewy is a very special treat for him. They keep him occupied for hours on end and according to the vet, have helped clean his teeth.

Bully sticks are pricey (usually $4-5 per) but Costco has a big bag (from grass-fed cows so no additives, chemicals, preservatives, antibiotics, hormones or steroids!!) for around $25 - I use a branch lopper and chop each chewy into 3 pieces since he is small. Cuts down the cost to about $1/per.

Avoid rawhide chews - they are not easily digested and pose a choking hazard.

My dog wouldn't touch the antler. Nor the nylabone. He lost interest in the Kong fairly quickly.

He liked the Himalayan chew (made from yak milk) but it chipped his tooth so you might want to avoid those as well. In any case, you should always monitor your pup's chewing in case of choking, indigestion, etc.

Dogs get bored like we do - to prevent boredom (and reckless chewing), exercise helps but sounds like you have that covered. Socialization is also paramount - doggie daycare, playdates and dogparks. On cold rainy days we play indoor games such as hide the treat and wooden treat puzzles.

Dogs are pure love and playfulness - have fun and enjoy the love!

That was the company! Bully sticks and chews! Thank you Miss Hyde
They have great products that are safe to pass If accidentally swallowed