My male dog seems to be OK, but I noticed some symptoms that after googling (yeah, I know) make me think he's probably dying. I got him scheduled to see the vet tomorrow to confirm (or hopefully find something else).

I've put several dogs to sleep over the last 20 years, but he's been with me longest and is easily the best dog I've had. After the back and forth with the first dog, I decided that I won't try to make them live longer with crazy medical procedures. I only want them to have a happy and comfortable final days.

I'm going to pull the mattress off the bed and move it to the living room so he doesn't have to move or jump to get on the bed. I'm going to get him some good food and hopefully spend less time on the computer and more with him.

I'm not afraid to say goodbye to him, I only wish that I'd been a better parent. He's given me so much love and kept me going when things were pretty bleak. I hope I gave him as much as he's given me.

Anyway, not to bring anyone down, but my 2 dogs are the only reason I've been able to get through the last 10 years and I love both of them like crazy.

Thanks for reading.

[CANDC]

Hi @AgentQ9A - I am so sorry your dog is getting older now and may be nearing the end of life. It is sad when they have been family to us.

I think anticipatory grief has been more difficult for me because the uncertainty that death is going to happen but I do not know when. I hope you consider joining a support group or facebook group for surviving pet owners who have lost their "babies". There are also people on regular grief support groups who have lost pet family members.

Some people need a therapist to help them cope and reinvent their lives. Hope you get the support you need.

Thanks @CANDC. I gave him a hot dog for lunch and I'm going out to get some better, fancy food and treats for him. Give him some good love. I'm trying not to fall apart, but the tears are already coming, and he's still here.

I'll figure something out for my grief. It's been 11 years since the last one passed and I'm not ready.

Thanks again.

[SlumberKitty]

HUGS AgentQ9A, that's a really difficult position to be in. I can tell you love your dog very much and I am sure your dog knows you love him. HUGS. Kit

Thanks @SlumberKitty. I always worry that I'm not doing enough for my dogs, because of the anxiety and depression. Maybe putting my issues aside to help him in his final days, will help me. At least temporarily.

Thanks again.

[downandlonely]

I'm very sorry about your dog. When I has to put my last cat down, I got information about pet grief groups. Something like that might be helpful.

Thanks @downandlonely. When I said goodbye to the last one, I had to go to work after that and my boss made me go home for a few days. I'm at home most of the time now, so that should be helpful. But when it's just me an my other dog, it's going to feel very empty. The vet office had lots of information about all of this, but nothing for me, so I'll need to find something to help. I wonder what to do with my other dog? I wonder how she will handle it. She's already spending the day near him, so I suspect she might know what's happening.

Thanks again.

I got some hamburger and some fancy canned food. I gave both of my dogs some of that tonight and they tore into it. Now they're both sleeping. I am not feeling better, but I am. Not sure how to explain that. Happy to have any time with him, but already missing him. He brings me so much happiness that I don't know how I will go on. I will try for my other dog, but wow will it be hard.

Anyway, he's doing OK tonight, happy to have had a good fancy dinner and now he's sleeping. We'll have our final walk in an hour or so and then we'll all try to get some sleep.

[lizardlady]

Good luck today.

i'm so sorry agent, your dog knows you love him

Just got back from the vet. It is what I feared it was. Because I don't believe in taking extreme measures to prolong a life, he has maybe 2 months. I was worried I'd need to put him to sleep next week, but the vet said he seems to be doing OK for now. We'll start giving him steroids next week. Should help keeping him comfortable for the time he has left. I feel a sense of relief and sadness. Glad I know that his time is short and I can do things for him to make that time better, sad to lose him. He's such a good dog and he deserved a better parent than me. He was a rescue, so might not have had any life had I not taken him, but wow do I feel like I've let him down. And let myself down. What kind of parent am I? Terrible.

Originally Posted by AgentQ9A

Just got back from the vet. It is what I feared it was. Because I don't believe in taking extreme measures to prolong a life, he has maybe 2 months. I was worried I'd need to put him to sleep next week, but the vet said he seems to be doing OK for now. We'll start giving him steroids next week. Should help keeping him comfortable for the time he has left. I feel a sense of relief and sadness. Glad I know that his time is short and I can do things for him to make that time better, sad to lose him. He's such a good dog and he deserved a better parent than me. He was a rescue, so might not have had any life had I not taken him, but wow do I feel like I've let him down. And let myself down. What kind of parent am I? Terrible.

your a amazing pet parent, you have not let him down

i still remember my girl cat Ebony, when she came to me from a rescue, we got told by the vets she was unlikely to live beyond 2 years she was in that bad a state when rescue took her in that even when she was healthy enough to get rehomed, she was still never going to live a "normal" life, it was 4 years 2 months and a day before she took her final breath, with her meowmy there at the vets with her, i still miss my girl

Thanks @willowtigger. I miss all of my kids. I don't have pictures of any family on display but I do have them for every dog. I am so sad.


Thanks again. I'm sure you were great for your Ebony.

[NatalieJastrow]

I just had to put my cat down. He was with my for 16 years. Through my parents deaths / all of my work life.

He got sick last year and I probably made him suffer in some denial.

But one step at a time. Find out what is going on first.

Thanks @NatalieJastrow. Both of my dogs have been with me 11 years. They were a year or so old each when I got them from the rescue. After my divorce and the death of my parents, my life has been on a steady decline, but these 2 came to me after all of that. It gives me some comfort that they didn't have to deal with me dealing with that.

I do regret that my anxiety and depression prevented me from being a better parent to them and taking better care of them. Who knows how long he'd have lived if I were a stable functioning human. But with life anything can happen at any time and I guess you just deal with it as it comes.

I read your post about your cat. I am sorry. Those little furry things get into your heart and it is so hard to say goodbye.

Thanks again.

[seesaw]

I'm so sorry AgentQ9A. I just lost my service dog of 11 years to a brain tumor. I did minimal medical intervention, just medications to manage symptoms for as long as we could. He had his last seizure a few weeks ago on my birthday, and I had to make the decision to let him go.

I know how hard it is to say goodbye and how much guilt you feel about "Was I a good pet parent?" I assure you that you were the best parent to him that anyone in the universe could be. He didn't need a stable functioning human. He needed you. And you needed him. I'm sure he wouldn't have had it any other way. And I'm sure he loves you despite any deficiency that you imagine.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Originally Posted by seesaw

I know how hard it is to say goodbye and how much guilt you feel about "Was I a good pet parent?" I assure you that you were the best parent to him that anyone in the universe could be. He didn't need a stable functioning human. He needed you. And you needed him. I'm sure he wouldn't have had it any other way. And I'm sure he loves you despite any deficiency that you imagine.

Thank you @seesaw. This hit me hard and I appreciate your words. I am really going to miss him.

[SlumberKitty]

Oh AgentQ9A I'm sorry for what is going on with your beloved dog. Your dog knows you love him. And I'm sure you were a great parent to him. All they really need is food, water, and love and I can tell you love him. Thinking about you during this time and sending you warm hugs.

He's doing OK today. Sleeping now, but had a good fancy dinner and treats. One more walk tonight and then we'll get some sleep. Love that guy.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by AgentQ9A

He's doing OK today. Sleeping now, but had a good fancy dinner and treats. One more walk tonight and then we'll get some sleep. Love that guy.

Take pictures in these last days. As many as you can. I took a lot and it still wasn't enough. Trim off some locks of fur to save. Take his paw print with one of those clay kits if you can.

Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk

Taking plenty of pictures and videos of him. He's not much for vocalizing so his videos are just moving pictures. I have a short video from when I went to pick him up from the rescue of us taking a walk before getting in the car for the drive home. I still watch that one often. Better days. I'm also doing my best not to neglect the other during all of this. She is generally fairly insistent on snuggles and attention.

A fancy breakfast this morning after a walk in the snow. Glad he gets to experience snow one more time.

Edit: Remembered to get all the pictures and videos uploaded to my cloud account. Whew.

My boy has been doing well, so I scheduled a meeting with my friend. Won't be able to do that for a while, so wanted to do it today. They were very understanding and supportive, having been through this before themselves. They mentioned having so many pictures of their dogs on their phone and few of family. That made me feel better. All of it made me feel better, except the coffee and pastry. Bleh. Friend said they could take my other dog for a few days if I needed it. Was very nice to have some support like that.

Now, a few hours later, I'm starting to feel sad. Every time I meet with my friend I feel amazing during the get together and then feel down later. Not sure if it's a "happiness hangover" or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Feeling better always make my anxiety worse, which is annoying. Hard to get more than one day of better feeling.

Anyway, my boy has been doing pretty good. We had a walk when I got home and he decided he didn't want to stop and rest in the spot I picked out for him. He wanted to keep going. Happy to have him act normally.

Got some chicken breast cooked, so they will have a good meal tonight.

Sorry, this wasn't meant to be "journal-ish."

[lizardlady]

Journal away hon if it helps you.

[NatalieJastrow]

Originally Posted by AgentQ9A

My boy has been doing well, so I scheduled a meeting with my friend. Won't be able to do that for a while, so wanted to do it today.

After putting my cat down I saw a video from Lap of love about the "process" well it was very detailed and they talked about the roller coaster period. For me that was two years. But it is basically the period where the pet is ok for a while and then not... and I feel it is the time you need to come to terms with reality.

I was lucky this time was during the pandemic so I got to stay with him more than I might have otherwise.

Thank you to everyone who's posted in support.