[Linda154]

Originally, I struggled with anorexia. I starved myself constantly, and excercised obsessively, and a considerable amount of weight in nearly 2 months. However, now the complete opposite has happened. I can't stop eating. I have gained a lot of weight and I can't bear to look into the mirror at myself. My episodes of binging are so frequent, that I often go to bed feeling sick and disgusted. I just, I don't know how to control myself. I've been in this vicious cycle for the past two years, and I can not handle it. I go back to wishing I were anorexic again, and this isn't what I want. However, I just don't know what to do. I hate going to bed feeling like I'm about to throw up, but I just can't stop myself. My episodes scare me. I need help, but my family would be even less than helpful in this situation, they would only ridicule me for it...

[Skeezyks]

Hello Linda: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. From what you wrote, it sounds as though an eating disorders program would be the way to go for you if you could arrange it. If you keep posting here on PC, I'm sure you'll find many members who will be able to relate to your struggle. I do believe you are correct. Your family can't help you with this. My experience tells me that family members are almost never of any help when it comes to mental health challenges.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Originally Posted by Linda154

Originally, I struggled with anorexia. I starved myself constantly, and excercised obsessively, and a considerable amount of weight in nearly 2 months. However, now the complete opposite has happened. I can't stop eating. I have gained a lot of weight and I can't bear to look into the mirror at myself. My episodes of binging are so frequent, that I often go to bed feeling sick and disgusted. I just, I don't know how to control myself. I've been in this vicious cycle for the past two years, and I can not handle it.

Well, I am starting to think this is a physical condition that no one talks about. A few years ago I went on a liquid diet. I did this for 6 months and ate no more than 800 cals a day. I did lose a lot of weight. But I got stuck. My body seemed to have adjusted. Undeterred... I tried to eat less. I also exercised more but still couldn't lose. Still trying I had now been eating 800 cals or less for over a year. This became just to maintain.

I kept having these binges where I would eat an entire bag of candy. I never did that before. Finally an emergency came up and I ate semi normally only to gain 15 lbs in one week. I went off and could not get a grip on myself until I was back at the point I started.

Looking into it - your body does take actual physical steps to make you hungry when you eat too little. There is a hormone called Leptin that slows your metabolism and makes you STARVING. I call this the boomerang effect and it has destroyed every diet I have ever been on.

What i am doing this time is.
1. I let myself eat more food until I was good and fat (well no greater than my weight I started dieting with last time) and stayed there for a bit. I noticed that at my *set weight* I started feeling less hungry and more in control. I also noticed that I could eat an insane amount of calories at that weight and really not gain. I presume it was because my metabolism was now stoked.

2. I am going to diet in 20 lbs phases. Lose 20 lbs slowly, stop, maintain and eat more.... for a long time -- 6 months, and then diet again to lose 20 more. On my first phase I have lost 6 lbs in 4 weeks.

The key will be avoiding the cycle of boomeranging back. Dieting so much my body slows its metabolism and then gaining weight fast if I go the slightest bit off.