paranoia - psychosis?

Hi Im John, 28. After reading this forum I decided to sign up. I think my issue is more paranoia than anxiety but they are definitely related. I am normally a sociable person, have friends etc but since the age of about 19 ive had paranoia come and go. In the past few years it has got pretty bad. Basically it started with thinking my workmates were trying to get me sacked, stupid things like that, then thinking people didnt like me, it gradually snowbaled over the past 3 years to the stage where I am suspicious of everything. Not my family/gf. I dont think she is cheating or anything..but my issue is with strangers or when strange things happen. I think they are directly related to me and and think strangers are sending some kind of secret code.

Obviously I know this is ridiculious so I have some insight at least but I cant really stop it. Now when I go out I am always anxious waiting for something to happen then I cant stop thinking about it.

An example would be something like someone might be waving to someone in the distance and I will think they are waving to me even though I dont know the person. I think they are trying to send some kind of secret message that they are out to get me. I know this sounds ridiculous but writing it helps.

For the past 6 months or so Ive been noticing people changing direction on the street a lot, be it people or cars (going one way then suddenly going back the other way) when I approach and I have gotten it into my head that this is all some kind of secret message meant only for me. That there are 1000s of people involved in doing things like this as they know it will make me think about it over and over.

Last night for example I saw a man walk up the street while scratching his back. To me this was very suspicious. 10 mins later he walked back down the street scratching his back again. To me this was very 'suspicious' like the back scratching is some kind of secret signal meant only for me - some kind of threat. This is why going out in public makes me anxious.

To my gf and friends etc I am very sociable etc but if we are out and i see something it destroys my whole day and I'm basically acting to my friends as if I am having a good time.

Other examples are thinking my phone is tapped, people spying, following. I can be suspicious of anyone, people wearing sunglasses, people looking in my direction.

In the cold light of day I know this is all ridiculous. I have been doing meditation and I am very interested in spirituality and I think it is helping. I have been to the doctors twice but it was no use really. The meds actually made the paranoia/anxierty worse.

Basically Im writing just to see if anyone has any similar experiences. I know that I am not that important for some kind of secret society to be monitoring me or that Im in something like the truman show - but a lot of the time that is how it feels. I am still able to get on with my life it is just inside it kills me. Some days are better than others but I need this to stop and Im hoping to speak to some people here with similar experiences as I think thatll help greatly. As Ive said, I know all of this is ridiculous so having insight is a good sign - as Im typing this I realise how crazy all this sounds but 12 hours ago I was anxious and paranoid.

Sometimes I think people break into the house when I am out to move things around - with the aim of deliberately making me question things and trying to run me down mentally.

Anyone out there experienced any of this, even a tiny part of it?

Thanks for reading and I know I should see a doctor again but Id really just like to see if others have experienced any or many of these symptoms and coping strategies.

This is a great forum. Thanks again.

Hi solita1. Welcome to Psych Central (PC). I am sorry you are having social anxiety and possibly other issues. Part of that can be as a result of previous traumas. What kind of therapeutic options are you considering can affect how fast you get over this or cope with it better.

PC has helped me meet people that understand and accept me the way I am. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Hi thanks a lot for your reply. I will definitely be using the forums as much as I can. I think that writing down my feelings/experiences will help me as well as others I hope. Thanks again and speak soon.

Hi John, welcome to PC!

I thoroughly read your post and I related to all of it, literally. I've had those feelings of paranoia, "signs" from people on the street, people trying to sabotage my work, even my life. Secret society, the whole bit.

That's good you have insight and I know how troubling it can feel.

For me, these are symptoms of psychosis due to delusions. I occasionally have these symptoms as part of my bipolar disorder 1, when I am under extreme stress for a long time. Antipsychotic medication clears it up quickly, the paranoia. I also have a lot of anxiety on a daily basis.

You're not alone and I'm glad you're here! PM me if you ever want to vent.

This is me to im terrified to go out with friends all my friends think im bailing out on them because i dont want to be out with them buts its because im scared someone is going to kill me or someone is going to fight me .. always was scared of that why i never went out anymore

I understand what you're saying. Because I used to drink heavily, I started to develop paranoia that I didn't have before that. I always had ADD, some OCD, paranoid personality disorder, borderline personality I've got in control and generalized anxiety. Since I quit drinking the past 2 years I have had horrible bouts of paranoia and anxiety and pick at myself as a way to find relief.
I've tried different meds recently but now am going to try 100mg luvox cr for awhile because it's getting bad again. I'm sensitive to meds and can't handle certain things to it's trial and error. My issues are thinking superiors at work are out to get me fired or cause me trouble for no reason..that someone will try to hurt me etc etc..hate it
hang in there

Hi, Sorry to hear you have been suffering too. Shaneomac12 - do you get this feeling after drinking? I used to get really paranoid after drinking and during drinking. If someone said something to me I would read too much into it and get paranoid.

Natalie- i used to also think that people at work wanted me fired. They definitely didnt. My paranoia snowballed into being suspicious of nearly all strangers. Now when I look back on my paranoia in the work place I laugh as I know I was being stupid. I just need to deal with the paranoia of strangers, hopefully one day I can look back and laugh.

Try meditation. It definitely has some benefits.

thanks and be safe.

I experienced something like this. Most notably, I was responding to faces with unusual emotionality that I couldn't control. While exercise didn't correct it, I would start reading the faces in a more positive way after long exercise.

Hi everyone, just thought I'd ask a few questions here as I can relate to a lot of what people are saying.

I have became totally paranoid that my wife is cheating on me, it's constant. I see "flirting" in every interaction she has with men, at times I don't talk to her for days because i think she flirted with someone in a shop or once a boyfriend of her best friend. I also am quite paranoid that people in general will hurt or eventually hurt me. After a breakdown 3 years ago, I haven't worked and have depression and other mental health problems. I am a recluse now and rarely talk to people.

My psychiatrist thinks I have social anxiety, general anxiety,ocd thinking and low self esteem but I think he's missing something as he's prescribing higher and higher doses of anti depressants which are doing nothing to help.

I understand that to have psychosis and delusions you don't have insight but I can see my thoughts *might* be irrational but I don't know if they are or not, what if my thoughts actually are true? They're all consuming and are enough to keep me away from all people and constantly suspicious of my wife which is a horrible,horrible way to live :-(

Hi, thanks for posting and Im sorry you are suffering like this. In my case I have never been suspicious of my gf..just random people and 'secret societies sending me secret messages that they are 'out to get me'. I have a lot of insight but sometimes my mind gets carried away, like yours.

Do you generally believe that you wife (who obv knows you have mental health issues) would go out of her way to flirt with people around you - as in deliberately make you paranoid etc? It is very very very unlikely that anyone would do that. Most people who have affairs make sure they do it in secret and wouldnt actively flirt in from of their partner. What does she say when you confront her? It must be difficult for her to always be accused and could be causing strain on your relationship.

Hi, Thanks for your reply.

I wonder if the paranoia can manifest itself in different ways?

She gets upset when I confront her and says she would never cheat on me and loves me.
I get so "paranoid" though and don't speak to her for days and even feel scared and repulsed by her as I feel she's going to hurt me. I've tried CBT when im at my worst but it doesn't help, the thought and feeling is so persistent and strong. I'm anorexic also and most of the time I'm eating very little which I think also doesn't help. I know delusions of jealousy are one of the symptoms of psychosis but I have some sort of insight that I might be Ill so I'm not sure. The other thing that concerns me is that one of my siblings has schizophrenia and has extreme delusions with absolutely no insight and I feel like I could become like that.

I'm paranoid as f**k too. I think people are out to get me, and perhaps some of them are. I dunno. What I like to do is sit around for hours and watch YOUtube videos of conspiracy theories (illuminati, aliens, ghosts, demons). It doesn't help, in fact, it makes things a bit worse.. but for some reason I enjoy torturing myself. I don't recommend doing it.

Do you have insight though? Do you know the way you are thinking isnt right? I have lots of insight, just need to learn to control my thoughts.

Have you considered Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? That's good for wanting to control and even change your thoughts around.

That you have insight into the paranoia to me indicates that it's anxiety-based and not psychosis-based. Psychosis is actually a symptom that can manifest in a wide variety ways, and it can come from anxiety, trauma, sleep-deprivation, mental illnesses like bipolar or schizophrenia, drugs, etc. Even flashbacks with PTSD are a form of psychosis.

After all I have read and experienced, I think that when psychosis is coming from a mental illness, in the vast majority of cases, the person will not have insight, and their moments of clarity will be very limited (if they exist at all).

But when psychosis (delusions and hallucinations) are coming from anxiety, trauma, etc that often a person will have insight and be able to talk themselves through it, even though it's still life-disrupting and stressful.

For me anxiety can easily trigger mild psychosis, especially if the anxiety is causing sleep problems. I recently had a crap-ton of anxiety at work, and at one point a coworker addressed me, and when I looked up, his eyes were completely black and his face was distorted. It was a very brief moment, and afterwards I was immediately able to write it off in mind as not real.

So rather than it being a psychosis-based issue, it's more so an anxiety-based issue that can lead to psychosis as a secondary symptom. My best guess is that you would probably benefit more from psychotherapy than psychiatric medication, maybe save for something for anxiety to help you initially.

A lot of the things you mentioned resonated with me, as I've had crippling problems with anxiety and paranoia in the past. Thankfully right now I'm on medications that seem to be working and I have improved … I hope it will stay that way.

As far as coping strategies, one thing I used to do was tell myself little stories or make up scenarios that helped me feel more peaceful in a stressful situation. Or I would listen to music or podcasts during the times I had to be out and about, like grocery shopping. It helped drown out some of the craziness in my head. Or wearing sunglasses. For some reason that helped me feel a wall of separation from the world and I felt more secure.

i can relate too. anxiety and pshycosis for me. i try using music or relaxation tapes and cds which help tremendously. good luck

hi, thanks for the replies. I really appreciate them. It is possible that my paranoia is linked to anxiety, I had never really thought about that. Obviously I know the chances of there being some kind of secret society out to get me is very highly unlikely but sometimes my mind cant stop seeing patterns in people's behaviour.

Today for example I was at a cafe and a guy cross the road with an ipad in his hand, he wasnt looking at it though, he had it tilted sideways so the screen was facing me. As soon as I saw this my mind started thinking that he was recording me, that he was holding it that way to record me from a distance. However, normally with an ipad to record you need to use the other side with the camera, however I kept thinking he was holding it like that the record me, and then he looked in my direction which further confirmed this. In the moment when things like this happen I think everything is a set up but obviously as I type this I know it isnt likely, but it is still something nagging in my mind.

Is this anxiety or paranoia? Everyday there are thinkgs like this which my mind reads into and gets carried away. Deep down though I know it it probably isnt true. I might have some form of OCD too, as a child I had some weird behaviours.

Constantly seeing threats in things might be linked to when I was a teenager and was beaten up, I also used to get people phoning me telling me they were gona beat me up, just teenagers being stupid but I used to worry a lot then and it may be the reason why I get paranoid now.

Obviously the paranoia affects my life but I have held down jobs, studies, relationships and people like to be around me. I am not suspicious of anyone close to me - just strangers. I also used to think my phone was tapped.

Thinking of you *hugs*

Your paranoia sounds exactly like mine. When I'm paranoid, I believe that people are talking about me everywhere I go, that somehow everyone knows someone who knows me and what a bad person I am. I once went to a restaurant to celebrate my boyfriend's birthday. We were waiting for our table and had a seat at the bar and ordered coffee. The bar was pretty packed and I kept thinking that everyone around us was judging us for taking up a seat at the bar just to drink coffee. When we sat at our table, I kept hearing voices from the bar of people complaining about us, which of course was not true. I couldn't handle it. Before we had the chance to put an order in, I had to get up and leave.

I would do this a lot. I used to think that people were spying on me and had put pinhole cameras and microphones in my walls so I went around and inspected all the tiny holes in my apartment and filled them with putty. I though that my phone was bugged by someone I had gone on a date with that ended badly and that he could listen in on anything I was doing through the phone, whether I was using it or not. I used to leave my phone in my glove box when I would go to therapy because I didn't want him to hear what I was saying. Eventually I went to the store and got a new phone and changed my phone number.

I have a million stories about my paranoia, I could go on and on about it. What I find so interesting about it is the way my brain was able to create these connections between things that to a clear minded person weren't connected but to me and even to some of my friends that I would talk to about it, seemed convincing. The only thing that has helped me with my paranoia is to take an antipsychotic. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1, whether that's true or not I don't know but the medication that I take treats my symptoms very well. I went off my meds for a period of time when I thought I could live without them and I did okay for a awhile but the paranoia snuck up on me and came back without my even realizing it till I became so paranoid that people at work were conspiring against me that I packed up my stuff and just didn't show up for work. I went back on my meds and kept my job. I know I'll have to be on my meds in order to function normally in society and I'm lucky that they work and enable me to do that. I would encourage you to talk to a doctor about how you're feeling.

I relate to Evey word u wrote, terrible experience , if u Google haarrp that might give u some insite? Or go see a doctor, hope u get this sorted xx

yes, it is quite difficult to deal with, yet I just get on with my life. I just hate when weird things happen, or things I cant explain. I like to be in control at all times.

Recently the key to the main door of our apartment block was changed so the person in charge put the new keys in each of our letter boxes. When I went to look I had no key, so spoke to the person who was certain that she had given us a key, anyway, I looked a few times and there was no key.

We got another key cut anyway. One week later I open the letter box and there is a key, so I speak the the woman and she said she never put it there.

Now I cant stop thinking about possible scenarios. Noone apart from her knew we were missing a key (she could have put 2 keys in another neighbours letter box), but how would they have known it was my key they had, or that I was the one who didnt receive a key. The woman says she never told anyone about it.

Ive thought for a few years now that people are breaking into the house when I am not there to move things around. Sometimes I come home and a window is open or something, it is possible I just dont remember opening the window before leaving but it freaks me out.

So in this case Im thinking that the 'people' who are spying on me etc got to my letter box before me to get the key to the main apartment entrance so they could get a copy for themselves so they can continue getting access to the apartment, then decided to play a trick on me an return the original key I was supposed to have a week later, therefore messing with my head.

Why do I always have to see the negative side of things?

Is it possible for people to be spying/following/controlling my computer/phone/ at all times of day, different people, trying to wear me down mentally. 1000s of people would have to be in on this, it just doesnt seem possible to me

i can literally relate to your post. i've had this for years now. i don't trust no one. i currently have no friends, no job (too paranoid to get one). Have things got any better ?
And members with such a problem, have you got any better and what meds did you use ?