Fear & Trepidation about entering here

Life being what it is, well there have been some major circumstances. We know we grieve and have grieved and we continue to caregive, without much notice but we have concerns about the future and our ability or inability to be able to do so.

Don't need guarantees, just need to say/state it.

Hunny

(((hunny))) take care of you ...being a care giver can be hard.

Thank you, Muffy. It's a door I only open a crack for now because, well because but I think a crack is all I can manage right now.

It is hard, it's impossibly hard, it's ...how to ...not able yet...want to but...will yet. Just a little afraid.

Hunny

Hunny, post what and when you are comfortable with posting. I think you'll find the folks at PC are caring and supportive, especially those in this forum.

Dear Hunny......

Maybe now is the time to think about practicalities - now that you are in a position to deal with it. It may settle your mind a little and give you some peace.

I know how you feel, believe me! My parents are really in bad shape. Both of them at the same time, and we are really having problems. They are still mobile and in their own home, and we are going crazy. Mom has alzheimers, Dad just had another stroke and bad bladder infection, and now his memory is really bad. Mom doesn't want to give up driving, and we have a real mess on our hands. Please don't feel bad talking about it. They are like little children. Scared, old, no one else cares but us kids, etc. It is so sad!!!

Muffy,

Thank Muffy. I've been trying to take care of #1, sometimes I just have done a 'good job of it' and other times it's just gone down the frickin' tube.

Thanks again,
Hunny









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Lizardlady:

Thank you for the gift of time.

Well, I finally got it out in another thread. Well, some of it anyway. I really am not that comfortable but when would it be anymore comfortable than this? It prolongs it to wait, kinda like, um, like escalates in my mind. With my dissociation, it just well takes time.

Yes, you are all very supportive and kind. It's just there is so much to wade through. Past hurts, present functioning and future concerns.

...but we have never been let down totally yet, so I just have to trust.

Thank you again, I know everyone is struggling in here.






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Possum, Possum, Possum,

Your post is so full of wisdom. I thought I had thought of everything. You know this was just days before I got lambasted again. Too high expectations, and lack of detailed self-care were my enemies this time. It hadn't happened in so long and we were seemingly doing so well together and then "BAM", the * hit the fan, as it were.

I know you know that going through this and taking care of #1 is hard. Your wisdom is still appreciated beyond what you may know. It was just a challenge to get it onto a thread. I have trouble getting the words out. It usually takes time, a therapy session or 5 and forcing myself through to the other side.

Thanks again,




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CJR520:

I am sorry for your situation. It is so hard. Strength from somewhere is returning.

When the issue happens, which it used to do all the time when he first came out of hospital, there was no group, no internet, no information about brain injury. Most people die from this, so I was lucky he was alive. It was seven years later I walked into a brain injury drop in centre. I didn't even know it was one, I thought it was a regular clinic. When I read the sheet the centre manager handed to me well I just dissolved. It was the first time I read all the symptoms on one page. It was as if someone had taken notes from the life we had afterward.

By then I was already a basket case...I just can't write more here it is just too much to say...but thank you for your acknowledgement and if I could I would send you on a retreat, if you would want to go, with all the lovely things you enjoy most.

I still am a bit confused about stuff so I will pop in another day.

Take good care,
H.








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Dear Hunny

You are among friends here. Please don't forget that.
If you are fragile now (and there is no shame in that dearest) then you need to enlist some help in care giving.

Would your doctor or some kind of community facility know where you can get some help with caring for your loved one?

Wish I could send you an a retreat with extra stuffies, log fire and marshmallows and lots and lots of peace for your mind and body.

Thank you dear, Possum,

Yes, fragile and kind of raw still. Thank you for extending your hand of friendship. Seeking out our healing, daily.

Yes, researched the community options and interviewed with a local brain injury group. It was another place to tell the story and help manage the emotional pain but other than that there was very little they could do for our family.

I worked at a store, for men this summer and was able to give him several pants and shirts, washed, hemmed and ironed. As yet, have not seen them on him. As well as anger management, self-care is one of the issues of his brain injury because of where it was located in his brain. He is the best joke teller, I know though.

There is not much I can do yet nor can our children. It is just more of the same till another crisis occurs.

I will take your offer of the retreat though, with log fire, marshmellows and lots and lots of peace of mind.

Getting it out in open to people who care has been huge.

Someday the contortions inside will release this information as it happens rather than this build-up, hopefully. Due to the interal system it takes so much longer to get to say stuff.

Thanks again,

Love
Hunny









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Hunny, some communitites have adult day care places for folks with brain injuries, Alzehiemer's or the like. Maybe there is something similar in your area? You could ask your husband's doctor about anything nearby or call your local social services office.

Thank you Kind Lizardlady :

it's happening, the can is open and the worms are out

he doesn't have a Dr nor has he had one since those early days; perhaps it will wind up social services, someday, who knows, but in meantime it's a

sad situation for him but he does what he can and now I have to pull myself up by bootstraps in order to help me for next time

nothing to do now but wait and self soothe and try and cheer up and

hide and strengthen till and in preparation for next time and have some fun too

has it worked, maybe, maybe each time the brain makes new connections?

loving him now kinda still in a way that is different, with maybe an agape love, but it still hurts and takes time to get over these set-backs

fight or flight, but here is hoping I will stay in the fight.

Thank you so much and take care,






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