Frustrated

Hi, my husband has depression and anxiety. He's had "full-blown" depression since early April, so I'm wearing a bit thin. I have to say, I've enjoyed reading some of the other responses to others in a similar position as I am.

He seems to blame a lot of his sadness on our relationship (we've only been married 2 years). Although, he has had a past of dealing with depression and his family (siblings and mother) also suffer from it. He had moved out for 3 months--blaming the apartment for his anxiety and depression bout, and recently moved back in with me after visiting his country, Argentina for a month to try and sort out the issues he had there. It feels as though he has not made a lot of progress and doesn't seem to be consistent with his meds or therapy. He complains a lot about feeling that he can't connect or communicate with me, be does with his soccer buddies. He says he feels blocked (he's confused by what) and that he knows he'll never make me happy. He also says he is not himself and says that he was able to find himself again in Argentina but not here--so he thinks "he's" in Argentina.

I'm frustrated because I feel that he's having a hard time distinguishing between what depression makes you feel and what is reality. I'm upset because he doesn't seem to be as consistent with treatment as he should. I'm also motivated to leave because I've having a hard time seeing the person I married and wonder if he will ever be himself again, or if this is who he is becoming. The only thing that's keeping me here is the hope for the person I married to return. So I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts on my situation. Thanks!

I do. I posted something very similar tonight.

Isn't it great when they blame you. I mean, they're depressed. They won't do anything. You have to shoulder all of the household duties. Then they blame you for being the cause of THEIR illness.

I have been dealing with this for a few more years than you, so I have a lot more resentment built up. You have to encourage him to seek help.

One effective strategy is to schedule a therapy session for yourself. It might actually do you some good anyway. After a couple of sessions, ask your therapist to invite him into a session. Now he is in therapy, and he didn't have to admit to having a problem. The therapist will most likely see the truth very quickly and start making suggestions on how he can seek treatment.

Just an idea. I am planning to try it myself.

For those of you who think that is manipulative. It is. I am going to do whatever it takes to get my spouse to seek treatment.

If you are manipulating him into going to treatment...he's not really seeking it then is he?

You can't MAKE someone want to change their behavior, or admit that there is a problem. You can't MAKE someone be not depressed either. They need to come to terms with it on their own, and they need support and compassion, not judgement and disdain.

You can certainly encourage and support him getting treatment, but the only person's behavior you really have any control over is your own.

You have choices. You're obviously getting something out of this relationship that is benefitting you or you would not stay. Can you identify what that is?

Hi There,
I recently joined this forum and my story is similar to yours.
I'm seeking advice and help too cause I'm a mess over things too..

..but one thing I have recently learned and this may be of help to you. I wasn't taking care of ME ..I was consumed with worry and caring for my husband. I hit rock bottom and decided that it wasn't helping us for me to let myself go. So, I started therapy for myself.. So we go alone and we also go together . Sometimes he decides not to go..I go anyway. I started exercising again, eating better and socializing with friends. It's what gets me through the day. It's so hard. So very hard. But I am realizing that he is in charge of his destiny, not me. I can only be supportive and encouraging.
Good luck to you!!!!
{hugs}