???? to do?! (Very long post - sorry)

I posted the other week about my situation with my mother who is bi-polar, PTSD, depression, possibly borderline personality. I live with and support her financially. She stopped taking her Paxil a few weeks ago ( she didn't tell me until almost 2 weeks had passed and by then I had been wondering about the change) and the last two weeks have been hell.

She has been in the hospital a couple times recently for med adj. and gets released when she tells them she is fine, even though she is not stabilized. This results in missed work for me and rearrangement of any plans I have made. THis is my fault, I know, with boundaries etc.

I have an appt this Thursday to talk to her therapist, with her in attendance, about other arrangements, since I can no longer take the mental and financial strain. Unfortunately she is being extremely hard to be around, slamming things down and arguing with me about why I don't see things her way. I had to spend the night away the other night. I am so worried for her well being though and I know I'm the only one left who cares. She has driven everyone else away and now it seems it's my turn.

I know the road ahead will be difficult. I only want whats best for my mom and myself. I realize I've been trying to make the situation as normal as I can which is one reason I'm getting so burnt out, and I also realize me doing this is not really helping her treatment all the time.

I don't know if I can make it in the house much longer. I worry she will harm herself (as she has done in the past) if I leave her alone without the car, but as the law states, she hasn't said she would and so I feel like I roll the dice when I leave the house. I am not currently allowing her to use my car to drive this week since I feel she is not balanced enough, but she gets hostile about that, especially if I need to leave for whatever reason.

There seems to be nothing I can do to make her happy and nothing I can do to get her the help she needs until she does something that warrants a call to the emergency room or police. This is far from the whole story but I don't want to write a novel here.

I guess my concern right now is how do I get through the days until we have our meeting about options. And then after that, what?

Any thoughts?

Does your mother have or is she eligible for any income, SS, or other benefits? Is it your house or hers? Will she be staying/leaving? I would think, for yourself, what you want to see happen and then get the closest approximation.

Do you have siblings at all that you could get a little money together for a kind of pension or anything? My stepmother got very senile, could not live alone anymore and my stepsister happened to work in an assisted living facility and was able to get her in there (and keep her there even when she needed more, outside help) but my stepmother had income.

I would also try to check out mental health halfway houses/rehabilitation centers, day treatment centers, that sort of thing? Maybe a day program would relieve you enough you could keep her living with you?

http://www.leadingbyexamplellc.com/services.html

http://www.pdgrehab.com/

I would try to make plans with your mother until the meeting; take her out to McDonald's or somewhere for dinner, a movie, etc. once or twice, planned ahead and something she can look forward to? I would set rules for what you consider "stable", what she'd have to do to earn your trust to get the car back; if she's going to behave like a "teenager" then you have to treat her as one? I wouldn't take it personally; I know that's hard not to do in reality when they're right there with you. I still remember leaving my stepmother at her apartment alone when she was in the middle of a panic attack and crying and holding onto me begging me not to leave her :-( There's only so much one can do though and you have your life you have to look to and your health to protect.

Thanks Perna,
I'm sorry you had to go through that with your step mother,
It is hard to see loved ones suffer.

Financially, I support her. SHe gets a very small amount from SSI which only covers utilities. I pay the mortgage on the house she owns and we live in.

I have contacted a support group in the area and hope to hear from them tomorrow. She seems to be coming out of this cycle (or the new meds are finally taking hold) and is more stable than she's been in 3 weeks.

My meeting this week will help us make plans. She agrees with me that we need a little distance for a few days and that we should come up with an alternative to what we've been doing since it's not working. SHe needs more support than I can give so that will be an issue that will be addressed.

Life is full of these ups and downs. I'm sure we'll be able to come to a mutually beneficial agreement.

Thanks again!