When you can no longer forgive

I've told my story here and in the Bipolar section; for 21 years, my then girlfriend who became my wife 18 years ago, has been verbally/emotionally abusive and might have BPD. My bipolar illness has gotten worse, my libido faded away three years ago. Currently in therapy to understand me; why I've stayed in this marriage.(no children).

Whether it's an abusive man or woman, can you forgive that person(and I'm not religious)for wounding you and taking the trust and love you had for them and destroying it?

I don't feel like you have to forgive them as long as you don't hold a grudge and not let go of it. Did they have no control period? or did they know exactly why they did it and why it was wrong? moving past and forgiving, in my opinion, are two different things.