Advice Needed Please

Looking for some help so I may properly respond and address my mother's NPD and anxiety. My husband and I are expecting our first baby (we are both in our 40s) and my mother is a real problem for us. She lived in another state until last year when her husband died and we helped her sort things out (paperwork, accountants, listing her property). She is a spunky lady in her early 60s but hasn't fended for herself in some time as she jumps from man to man and relationship to relationship - always with a much older man. This was her third husband. Needless to say, she is already dating someone new (one of her late husbands friends - 20 years her senior).

Anyway - the problem remains that she is consistently inconsistent. If we dare disagree with something she says, she flies off into a rage, gets huffy and angry then storms out of the house. OR will say things like: [I]Everyone I meet loves me, you are the only one who picks on me. I can't do anything right by you.[/

She tells stories of the past about my childhood as if they are funny or informational stories. I can tell you that my childhood was rough from my perspective. Alcoholic/absent father, I was an only child. She moved me about a dozen times between kindergarden and the time I was 17 years old I attended 7 different schools. My mom was constantly stressed and screaming at me for no legitimate reason. She always had a boyfriend and I was to be out of sight. I have dealt with these things through a decade+ of therapy in my 20s and have been fine for some time as we lived many states away with few/far between visits. Now that she is close by - she is really stirring up some old crap.

When she rages, which she has been doing my entire life, it is quite jarring, but I try and calm her down and reason with her - I talk to her like she is a 5 year old. My husband also finds it quite unsettling and since I've become pregnant, she has gotten really quite crazy. We know we need to deal with her BEFORE this baby comes, but not certain how to either have a conversation or let her know that her anxiety, odd actions and high-wired energy is too much for our peaceful household.

Even my young hairdresser, who I recommended to my mom says she's a scattered mess. It sounds like no big deal, but really - it is. She enters our house like a freight train or a tornado. And the energy is always forced and bad. She doesn't ask relevant questions, she is very socially awkward.

My husband and I have careers and are working, traveling on business trips, required to be on blackberry etc. Normal professional work-life. My mom hasn't had a career. She job hops to hourly jobs - which is fine, however, she does not respect our time.

We know that at the end of any talk - she won't say: Gee, I'm so sorry, I will try to be more present. She will fly off into a rage of denial and likely tell us we are picking on her.

Any help is appreciated. She's really become an obstacle for us.

Hope this all made some kind of sense.

Thanks very much.
CR