Depression in Marriage & Divorce

I believe my wife has clinical depression, and has had it long before we met. There are many tangible and intangible signs (I could post some of the signs if it's helpful). What's more, we were told by unrelated teachers that two of our children may have depression.

My wife refuses to meet with a psychiatrist. According to her, she visited two psychiatrists in the past, and they said she doesn't have depression. However, from my vantage point, there's something very wrong, and it's likely depression.

I'm afraid she'll decide to get divorced, and that depression is fueling this path. I'd appreciate suggestions to help my wife and save our marriage.

Try to convince her and the kids to see a therapist. I really encourage you to see a therapist despite what you decide for your kids. You need extra support too.

Thanks for the suggestion. I get good support. I'm super worried about my family, but coping fine nonetheless.

My wife is okay with the kids going to therapy, but refuses to go for herself. She gets really angry when I suggest she could have serious depression. Meanwhile, she's withdrawn from the marriage and seems to be on a path toward divorce. There must a better way for me to persuade her.

I'll write back tonight but it'll be late.

I'd get upset about being diagnosed by my significant other. No one likes to hear, they are the one with the problem.
If certain behaviors upset you, state them specifically. 'term of endearment', when I hear this/see this, I feel...., I would feel better, to hear/see that(behavior). How can 'we' work on this 'together'?
Keep away from 'you', when addressing concerns, it, the word you, implies finger pointing and leaves the other in a defensive stance.
I feel, can also lead to a momentary defensive stance, but if followed up, with I'm sorry, i am not trying to make you feel bad, i am only trying to express my own feelings, can lead to better results and closeness.

What leaves you convinced she is set on divorce?

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I'm sorry it took so long to write back.

Story: you can skip it but ....

When my husband told me I was depressed, even though I knew I was, I resented him for saying it. It felt like he was telling me all our problems were my fault because I'm depressed, that he minimized all my concerns because I'm depressed and the worst part about it is he was not a Dr. It made me not tell him things and look at him almost like an enemy. (For lack of a better word).

Eventually he told my doctor which turned me into the bratty little teenager he seemed to feel I was. I swallowed the pills while being venomously angry at him, only to speak to him to inform him that M was the only reason that we were still together. I firmly believed he was setting up a case that depression made me an unfit parent, it hadn't happened.

Things got worse for me but I had no one to tell. If I talk to my husband he'll just think I'm crazy or worse tell my Dr. So he could use in against me in our divorce. So therapy was never help because that is open for court. I eventually stopped meds and everything. I eventually told him how controlling and f'd up that it was to make me feel like less, like "the sick one". I know, knew he was just trying to get me help but he did it the wrong way.

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I think your making similar mistakes:
Your her partner not her hero/Dr. (and that is a good thing).
She is your partner not sick ( and that's a good thing)
You say Depression, she hears I don't care for you, your wrong, or your the problem.
You have to show her you love her and there to fight with her not against her.
You really, really, need therapy hell before the kids because you are the one that'll be dragged through the mud while trying to help her and it will hurt. Depression turns ever nice thing you do for her /with her as something negative always putting the blame on her or you. To have any chance of helping her you need professional support.

Please tell us the symptoms so we can give you ideas.

Mom, So your saying that because of the way you internalised, then it's up to the other person to change the way they try and support. Even when, seemingly clearly, they still love you, or why would they endure so much.
"you know he's trying to help, but he's doing it wrong", wrong for you? what if it's the best he can do for him?

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ever thought of marriage counseling? that way you both are with a therapist and maybe they will c what behavior u r talking about and maybe make the suggestion that u r right.

Miguelsmom, you h actually used depression against you, in court? Having depression, alone, cannot be used to deem a parent unfit...case in point, me! I've got it, no doubt.
Things that can be used are active substance abuse, abuse/neglect of children or abuse of other parent. School/med records. A guardian ad litem could be appointed to evaluate the truth of the matter. Mudslinging doesn't hold relevance before a judge...
Depression, or other mental illnesses, it's not something that can be used against a person. Just untrue.

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"you know he's trying to help, but he's doing it wrong", wrong for you? I'm saying that the way he is helping seems to be causing more stress on himself and the relationship. I gave an example of what happens in my home and the things we have learned since that point. and the way his wife may view it.

what if it's the best he can do for him? that's what therapy is for to support him while he supports her.

h actually used depression against you, in court? it happend to my sister not me but because of that it scared me. They used her psych records against her in court and she lost her daughter because he was more fit to parent, with a more supportive family. She still gets her every other weekends and 2 hrs on Wednesday .