Help me cope please

My son is constantly talking about Hep C, HIV, etc. He has too many episodes where he believes some random person stabbed him with a needle. Today he actually accused his psychiatrist. I can't listen to this anymore. There's no rationalizing it either, we've tried.

I'm starting to loose my mind over this behavior. My husband practically snaps when our son goes on these tyrants.

How do I deal with this without shutting my son out? I can't even talk to him sometimes. I feel it's hurtful to avoid him or not answer his calls, but I feel so stressed out and don't know what to do.

Have you spoken to his psychiatrist about his continuing problems. You also might consider counseling for you and your husband to help you deal with all the pressure. It must be very difficult to be in you shoes. I hope you can find a solution soon.

Hi liveforfish, it must be quite painful to have your son so immersed in these episodes, and feeling like you're not able to "get through to him. And maybe it feels at times like he's not the son he was to you???
But of course he is underneath these episodes, it sounds more like he's experiencing some mental health issues, and to him his delusions/hallucinations (?) probably seem very real, as real as the screen you're looking at now is to you. Now how would you feel if someone tried to "rationalize" to you that the screen you're looking at isn't real, and just your imagination??
Of course there can be some lucidity sometimes with delusions/hallucinations but you can imagine how hard it must be for your son, can't you especially with such distressing delusions/hallucinations.
But I've really got to admire the fact that you don't want to shut him out despite the way you're feeling. And that is probably really important for him not to be shut out by the people who he has a bond with/the people who care about him and the people he cares about.
He might not always show that bond or the fact that he cares deep down but that doesn't make it any the less real especially in times of lucidity. And while he's still contacting you, or you him, at least you can have a bit of real insight into how things are going for him and you can report that to his pdoc, when it's of concern so that they can better help him. I know you'd want him to get the best help he can.
But I do get how really hard this must be on you, and how much it may all be effecting your life too. So I'd say that you (and your husband) can do with some real support with what you're going through and in helping your son too. So maybe ask your son's pdoc for some advise on the best ways to manage your son's behaviour when he is going through an episode and for some information on any support groups out there, it might really help to talk to people who are going through or dealing with the things you are.
You're probably going to find more information about your son's mental health issues online too, along with some support networks who might be able to help.
But really good on you for trying to stand by him, and wanting to help him!!! That is so good to hear!!!
Alison

Thank you. I did start counseling, only been to one session so far.
His pdoc wants him on meds, but he's refusing to take as prescribed.

He lives at home still, so we are in constant contact, our home is very small.

His pdoc brought up a future group home this week. My son flipped out. Would rather be homeless.

We wish he would stay on his meds and get intense therapy. We would love to see him at least hold down a job.

Hi liveforfish, it's good that you've started counseling things sound very hard for you particularly with your son living at home (and you said it was small) if he's going through difficult times. But (just a thought!!) do you think you could encourage your husband to go along to some sessions with you? It sounds like you could use some support from him too and if he's feeling that much strain...........maybe you could both open up to each other a little more in joint sessions and instead of deal with your son in your separate ways deal with his problems as a "team". Could take off the strain a bit??
If a group home isn't going to be an option yet then would there be any day/evening support groups or drop-in centres your son could use?? Maybe they could help him "come to grips" a bit more with what's going on for him and help him with some more support??
As for the group home though, sometimes the people running them can be really supportive so even if your son is saying "No" you could try meeting up with them to begin with when/if the time comes. It might be they could hook him up with any activities they organise, have him visit on a "social level" to get a real feel of the place or hook him up with another "resident" there who may be able to alleviate some of your son's reservations.
About the medication though, I guess it's that fine line between it being his choice in whether to take it or not, whether that's informed choice or not, and whether he might be a risk to himself or others if he doesn't take it. If necessary there will be official procedures to follow (not sure about these -or whether you have these- where you're living but.....?) whereas he can be required to have a depot injection which can stay in his bloodstream for a period of time. But maybe the best you can do towards him having the help he may need with medication is to document all the problems he's having, as and when you're seeing them, and pass them onto his pdoc for now.
Alison

Thanks Alison. My oldest is soon to be doing the group home thing so we'll learn how it works.

We really think he needs a day program. Problem is we live in the wrong state for getting help. My oldest lives in the next state over and gets all kinds of services.

Hi liveforfish, for the sake of a "few" miles things could be different, hey??!! Doesn't make a lot of sense but...........still at least if your oldest is going to be doing a group home it may make it a bit less intimidating, "out of the question" for your son.
Then maybe he could get a little used to the idea if he's not "the only one", if your other son/daughter is accessing this, particularly if it's working out for him/her.
It's got to be really hard for your son to face that this might be a good environment for him, and especially so with so much stigma and misconceptions about mental health problems still around, so the more he's supported with accepting his problems (I know, not easy in his case) and seeing the benefits of that kind of support the better.
And remember he has only just had this idea "thrown at him" so it might take some (maybe a lot of) coming to terms with the idea for him, so don't give up hope in that he's completely blanked the thought now, it might just take some time and gentle encouragement, along with information for him to come around to the idea if that's what he needs.
Perhaps you could look at some "selling points" that might be meaningful to him e.g. he is going to have more independence and freedom (to an extent) there isn't he, and there might be more opportunities for him in being supported to access different activities/facilities. Some group homes are really progressive. But if you take a look and check out what they have to offer first..........
But is the relationship there for your son to visit your oldest? Maybe they can bring him a bit more "into the circle" of accepting support, or maybe he could just see for himself that extra support might not be such a bad thing?
And didn't think to ask sorry, but have you checked with your son's pdoc if they know of any support groups (or have any support groups) for people going through what your son is?? Some do, so just a thought.........
Make sure you're getting support for yourself as well though, that's really important. And if the counselor you've started seeing isn't quite enough (with gaps between sessions) make sure you're at least in touch with other people experiencing what you are, if "only" online.
Alison

Thanks. My youngest wants to live in the woods in a camper. That's his current mindset. If he can get to the working again point, it may be possible to get a small camper for now out in the driveway. To get a sense of freedom.

My oldest isn't at the group home stage yet, just preparing for it in a year or so when his grandparents retire.

My youngest decided he will take his pills for now, but he wants to hold the bottle. A bad idea IMO, but the only way he'll agree.

My spouse has decided to attend counseling with me. Yah. A step in the right direction.

I dream of a day when my kids are stable and I have my family back.

Hi liveforfish, the camper sounds like a good compromise if your son is able in time to do that. It would give you all a little more "space" and allow you to keep a check on him too.
It is good news that your son's decided to take his meds, but I'd say that you're right in thinking that it may be a bad idea for him to hold the bottle considering the circumstances. Could you express those concerns to his doc/pdoc? alongside your other concerns for him??
But great that your spouse is attending counseling with you!! You can maybe use those sessions a bit to ensure that you've both got/decide/agree on a consistant approach to use with your son.
Alison