[royallyconfused]

My question is this: How do you explain to a child the reasons why they can't see mommy anymore? "Mommy" took this child to drug dealers, is drunk or high every day, doesn't have heat or hot water in home, and is at an end-stage of alcoholism where she cannot remember events and conversations that take place even the day before. She is confused most of the time, and cannot hold a conversation. She calls sometimes several times in a day, then goes several without a call to her son. He loves her, and doesn't understand why he can't be with her. He is currently in councelling, and has Fetal alcohol effect with some ADHD problems. What is the appropriate thing to tell this child?? He already know that she has substance abuse problems, but doesn't understand them, obviously.

i would schedule time with the childs therapist to have a joint approach on how to deal with this topic.

mommy is very, very ill. at this time, it's best that you live here where you're taken care of...because mommy can't take care of you right now. she may never be able to take care of you, and you'll always be safe here. she loves you very much and wishes that you could be with her, but it isn't possible right now. (and i think i'd limit the phone calls..........)

she has a disease. talk to him from that foundation. just like if she had cancer.

and as esthersvirtue said, a therapist!!!!!!

[royallyconfused]

Thank you very much. I think Dad worries about limiting the calls, because he's afraid that the child will blame him later for keeping him from his mother. It is entirely possible that she could die within the next few months and he wonders how the child will react to that, knowing he hasn't seen her or been able to talk to her. It is such a difficult situation, and he's trying to be fair. He also knows that it may cause more harm than good, so is torn. He even tried setting up supervised visitations, but the "supervisors" sit down and drink with mom too (like Mom's own mother).

well, the supervisors need to be professionals then. that's ridiculous that they would drink with her.

appeal to your local department of human services to see if you can set up supervised visits with a social working sitting in........keep me updated. xoxoxo pat

[Direction]

Good posts Pat!

[Zen888]

I would tell the boy that his mother isn't feeling well and is away getting the care she needs. Believe me you DO NOT want to expose a child to the "end stages of alcoholism" ......... it will traumatize the child for his entire life! Just reassure him that his mom is where she needs to be.

[Direction]

How are things going the last two months?