[uncertain mom]

Hi everyone,
My 14 yr old daughter haas depression and anxioity. I feel horrible for thinking what I am but I cannot help it. I am even stalling typing it as I open with this but here goes...
With 3 doctors and 2 in patient hospital visits and the doctors there, I have never been able to voice how I am feeling. I have given everything I can think of for my daughter. I am on FMLA to be home with her. I do everything I can to make her life easier. She needs something I get it for her, I have been trying to help her get caught up in school(she has not had a full week since the year started) and I have changed my ways to make home life easier on her.
Now i feel like a door mat/slave. She will not do any chores, I ask and ask and it never gets done. I even give her timeframes so she knows its coming. She will not help out at all and when I ask she says I am yelling, yet I have not raised my voice in 3 months ( as an Italian New Yorker that took a real effort but I did it). She gets very upset and tells me I am making her depression worse when I have to say no to her. She gets upset if I do not do something or tell her I wont do something for her. I have tried inserting consequences for not doing chores or really anything asked and she gets so upset I fear she will try to hurt herself. She never cleans up after herself ( that is not an exaggeration) it is always me.
I have tried to talk to her about this and she gets all upset and says she is a horrible person and doesn't deserve to live.
How can I get her to even put her plate in the sink with out a blow up, or explain to her that I should not have to come upstairs to her room to get her something that is 5 feet away. How do I tell her that she does not seem to care about my feelings at all whith out fear of a suicide attempt.
Am I being selfish ?

[CANDC]

uncertainmom, welcome to psych central. Congratulations on coming to a place where you can express yourself without someone jumping all over you. I feel bad for what you are going through.

You are not only a parent but becoming a caregiver. I think it is hard enough to get non-depressed and anxious young people to do chores. I have had no success with depressed people - they postpone or say they are too sick. I think it is easier to do myself than inflict the emotional toll on myself of fighting with them.

Then I have to be a shoulder to cry on and have to be compassionate when already feeling overwhelmed with all I have to do.

It is hard to be a selfish caregiver. I think you still hold out hope that you can get her to do what she should. Sometimes you just have to be thankful she takes her meds.

You are better than I am, raising my voice is one of my knee jerk reactions.

some forums that may be helpful
Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central

Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central

Depression - Forums at Psych Central

Anxiety, Panic and Phobias - Forums at Psych Central

articles
Psych Central - Search results for Kids with depression

[uncertain mom]

Thank you CandC!!!! I was looking for some material to read but being new, did not know where to find it!