[SlothLove]

Hey everyone, I'm so happy I found this forum and I apologize in advance if this topic has already been discussed (which I'm sure it has many, many times) but I'm really desperate right now and just don't have the patience to go through all the other threads.



So, long story short, I'm in love with this guy who has been diagnosed with BPD by a former therapist. He's now in therapy with a different therapist but after doing some research I think the former diagnosis still stands...



I have to mention that we live a good bit apart and the distance doesn't make it any easier.

Everything started out great and he didn't display any behavior that seemed "abnormal" to me. Other than extreme, irrational jealousy. We were just perfect for eachother, almost like "meant to be", when he came to visit me for the first time it was like a dream. I had never been this happy... Then about a week after.. he broke up. Telling me that he never had any feelings for me, it was all a game.. That he was "****ed up in the head" and "a toxic piece of ****".. Two days later we started messaging again.. skyped that same night and he apologized profusely. Said he was just so scared of rejection... that his feelings for me were getting so overwhelming... that he fears if we go any further and I see the "real" him, I would never ever be able to love him.. I reassured him that I could and did and everything went back to normal.

Fast forward to the day before Valentine's day. I went out with some friends and he broke up with me the next day. Saying once again he didn't love me, never had, never will, but we could be friends. So, I agreed to the friends thing. Not even two days later we skyped again, he cried, told me I was the only light in his dark world and that he couldn't lose me.. He begged me not to give up on him, to give him one last chance. And of course I did. Everything was great after that. I went to visit him for five days, he introduced me to his family, told me he was gonna move to be with me, even asked if I could imagine eloping with him. And then boom! Two days after I went back home he breaks up again. Same old story.. don't love you. Never have... Knowing his behavior I tried to be understanding and told him I'd always be there for him as a friend. And I really did try.. until he started pushing me into going on dates with other people.. he kept telling me he had to emotionally distance himself from me and so should I, so I could find someone who makes me happy.. someone who could give me everything. That he loved me but couldn't be with me.. that he was too ****ed up to ever be the guy I needed... So after a while I got tired of it and said OK, I'm going on a date. Wasn't true, of course. He wanted to know how it went, if I was over him "already" so I said, yes, I was and the (non-existent) date was great. He just said "cool" and has been ignoring me ever since..

I love him and I know he loves me, too.. at least I hope he still does. I'm confused but I want to be with him. I just don't know how to further proceed...

Sorry about the novel.. I hope someone here is able to offer some advice. Anything and everything is appreciated.

[Ruftin]

Hello and Welcome to Psych Central SlothLove!!!! It's so nice to meet you. Here is a link you may want to check out that will help you better understand your friends personality disorder. Just left click on the link in blue and it should take you right to the forum -> Borderline Personality Disorder - Forums at Psych Central Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. Continue checking your post here as I'm sure others will want to offer you advice and support. Best wishes!!!