Coping with a Passive Aggressive Husband

Does anyone have advice / experience with dealing with passive aggressive partners? I am finding this very frustrating and stressful. I would be interested in hearing how other people have coped with this issue and any advice they may have to offer.

Hi AWorkinProgress, I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time with your husband. Passive aggressive can mean a lot of things - it is hard for me to comment on such a general concept. Hopefully you find some support here! Hugs!

Thank you.

My husband’s passive aggressive behavior takes many forms from denial (he claims he never said or did certain things), projection (everyone else has a problem not him), never taking responsibility for his own actions (it is always someone else’s fault, usually mine), sulking, bullying etc.
Here is an example: he will want to start a renovation project, I say I would rather he did not do that, he is all gung ho and goes ahead and starts ripping down walls anyway, he becomes overwhelmed with the project and stops working on it, time passes and I get tired of living in a construction zone, I ask when he is planning on finishing, he claims that it was all my idea and I should pay someone to finish off the work that I wanted done.

My sister is passive aggressive. I tend toward the opposite – obsessive-compulsive and I expect that I come off to her as too aggressive. I’m the older one. (Easy to understand dynamic, right?)

I’m fairly aware of my part in the dynamic, too, more so than I believe she is of hers. I was hurt very badly by her avoidance and ignoring of my rights during our parents’ decline and funeral arrangements. I have no reason to have much to see or talk to her about except that we inherited some property together. And I still love her, just don’t trust her.

So, I stay business-like. Call her on the things she says she will do and doesn’t, etc. Extra work on my end and that isn’t fair but if the business fails I suffer there, too. I have accepted that if she doesn’t do her part and cooperate then the business may fail. Nothing I can do to make her do stuff. I am frank in saying what I think and always ask what she thinks. I stay on her case more than I think she would like, but I do my best to strike a balance. That seems to be getting across a little but I don’t count on it. Still, I would rather the business succeed than fail. If she does, too, maybe it has a chance.

To the OP:

I married a passive-aggressive narcissist. My situation was resolved when he devalued me. We divorced. I'm happy now.

You can't change someone's behavior. And that's emotional abuse going on. You shouldn't be abused. And passive-aggressive people are especially stubborn, as you know. At the very least get a therapist for yourself. I think that will help you decide on what path you need to take.