[JoeS21]

I am attracted to someone with BPD. For some time now, she's seemed very conflicted, a part of her loves me and is attracted to me, but another part of her finds me condescending, patronizing, etc. and becomes furious at me and the other part of herself that likes me. Lately, even the sight of me has been making her mad. But even when she's mad, she cracks and shows signs of liking me - then gets even more mad at me and herself for showing those signs of liking me.

What do you think is the best thing for me to do, if I like her and want her to like me?

(I feel like I just said, "me," about a dozen times. Oh, well.)

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by JoeS21

I am attracted to someone with BPD. For some time now, she's seemed very conflicted, a part of her loves me and is attracted to me, but another part of her finds me condescending, patronizing, etc. and becomes furious at me and the other part of herself that likes me. Lately, even the sight of me has been making her mad. But even when she's mad, she cracks and shows signs of liking me - then gets even more mad at me and herself for showing those signs of liking me.

What do you think is the best thing for me to do, if I like her and want her to like me?

(I feel like I just said, "me," about a dozen times. Oh, well.)

It would appear you have some choices:
-Run, get out ASAP. Choosing to stay with this person places your own emotional and possibly physical well-being at considerable risk.
-Accept that she is very ill and is very unlikely to change. Reject with all your will, the symptoms of her illness when they arise. Please realize that they have nothing to do with you and take nothing personal.
-Get away when she is showing signs of her illness. Protect and nurture yourself. Agree to return when she is managing her illness effectively. She is likely trying to reject you for the fear that you will ultimately abandon her and/or hurt her in some way. If she is not already getting help, then frequently and assertively recommend that she do so.
-You have no ability to determine or control whether or not she likes you or not. It sounds as if she does have some degree of positive feelings for you, but she is unable (ie, has no coping skills) to manage those feelings.
Best wishes and please take care of yourself.

[Iluvu]

Originally Posted by JoeS21

I am attracted to someone with BPD. For some time now, she's seemed very conflicted, a part of her loves me and is attracted to me, but another part of her finds me condescending, patronizing, etc. and becomes furious at me and the other part of herself that likes me. Lately, even the sight of me has been making her mad. But even when she's mad, she cracks and shows signs of liking me - then gets even more mad at me and herself for showing those signs of liking me.

What do you think is the best thing for me to do, if I like her and want her to like me?

(I feel like I just said, "me," about a dozen times. Oh, well.)

Bpd is very different thannarcissitic personality disorderin that those who suffer the former were abused by the latter. She will grow out of these sympto s but not before she loves herself and getsaway from the abusrrs probably her family.
So sorry you are going through this she is lucky to have you but she will probably push you awaybecause she doesnt see or love herself yet. Many years inthe future she will lookback and appreciate you when she is well. Realize that when she "hates" you she really is reliving an experience of bei g abused when she was achild by one of her caretakers. She cannot differentiate between past and present- it is called an emotional flashback. The feelings of hate are for the person abusing her in the past which she feels in her body is hasppening in the present however her mind sees you in front of her- that is what is enigmatic asbout the dfisease. It is biological she is in fight or flight in those moments she is a child a little girl being abused not the adult you see before you. She will not be able yo have a relationship with someone else until she loves herself and gets away from the abusers in her life.
I wish you thebest- try to encourage her to seek out new friendships away from her family of origin and to attend Coda telephone meetings Not al anon-coda which will help her focus on and develop herself.
You really cannot allow yourself to bescreamed at all the ti me so i think since she is still sick you should distance yourself tell her you will be her friend but tyhat is all until she can take steps to know and love herself.
That's the best advice i can give.
Take Care.
Tatiana

[MaryL.]

Originally Posted by JoeS21

I am attracted to someone with BPD. For some time now, she's seemed very conflicted, a part of her loves me and is attracted to me, but another part of her finds me condescending, patronizing, etc. and becomes furious at me and the other part of herself that likes me. Lately, even the sight of me has been making her mad. But even when she's mad, she cracks and shows signs of liking me - then gets even more mad at me and herself for showing those signs of liking me.

What do you think is the best thing for me to do, if I like her and want her to like me?

(I feel like I just said, "me," about a dozen times. Oh, well.)

I am in the same situation. I personally have reached a limit, it's been way too draining. My partner has outbursts of anger out of nowhere, he just flips. After 3 years, I find myself without strength and really stressed out. After so long we decided to move in together, that's all I've been hoping for, he always had affairs and I kept on playing second field. It was supposed to be my dream come true, to finally be together. Turns out, he finished bringing the rest of hist stuff over two days ago. Now I want him gone. I really don't know what to do. So, I guess from my experience, get away now! Don't let this grow to be an issue like I am living, he punched me in the arm with anger once, threw things at me and is constantly verbally abusive and aggressive. I find myself scared and sad. Please don't do this to yourself like I allowed myself. I am personally sick and tired of hearing "I am sorry" and have a 3 day truce before everything start over again. Don't drag yourself into this relationship, take my advice and get the **** out while your mental health is stable. I am a personal rack and I don't wish that to anyone

[Erebos]

She is unable to deal with her feelings and you run a risk of doing her more harm than good.
u Might look at why you want to be involved in this kind of relationship.

Whatever you decide remember you can only get with someone as they are. NoT in the hope they will change.
All the best for your future.