I think my husband he bipolar depression

Hello,

It has always been hard for my husband to communicate about his feeling to me. It has always been somewhat of the pit of our arguments. Our arguments are pretty intense and I always cry but we never raise our voices at each other. He would always just shut down and jut say "I don't know" or not talk and it frustrates the both of us. But we somehow always manage to get through it never addressing the problem. Things started to get more complicated when he joined the army and was deployed overseas. When he came back he had these mood swings that would come out of nowhere And it would always be towards me since I was the closest to him. We would get into fights here and there and like always since I'm an emotional person, I would cry every time we fight. He now has a great paying job after the military. Although he has been going from job to job cause he was never satisfied with it, even though it was a very good job that most would love to have had. He has always been the type to always want more and never satisfied with what he has.
It wasn't till recently that I noticed that something was off. We got into this argument about the dishes and he shut me off again, then later that day I apologize to him and he tells me he's done and to leave him alone. Next day he texts me and tells me he's going to be moving to Texas and he has been looking up jobs and houses there. I was shocked that he would even do or think that over that fight we had. I gave him space for a couple days and begged him not to give up on us. One day he just came to me and acted like everything was normal. We talked and had dinner together, but we didn't talk about us. I did not want to push it. When things were well again, I asked him why he was thinking of moving to Texas and he said he had no idea and that he almost actually did it.

Months have passed and we end up having another small fight that lead to another big one where he abruptly decided that following day that we are done. He told me that he had been unhappy with our marriage for years and only stayed because he felt sorry for me. It just broke my heart. I felt like my marriage was based on a lie. I moved to my parents and left him alone for 2 weeks. After the two weeks he texts me and asked if we could meet up.by this time I hated him and I wasn't crying as much anymore and accepted the fact that we were over. But when I met up with him at our home, it was a mess. He had been drinking a lot and he just looked depress. He told me how sorry he was and how much he loves me and that he messed up. He doesn't know why he said the things he did. He admitted to me that he was happy being a lone for a while and then it hit him when he would come home to an empty house. He realized that he can't live without me. He told me he had suicidal thoughts too. We got back together and it was going fine but I always had the lingering feeling of him not being happy behind my mind and he knew it. We just recently got into another fight about spending quality time together, but it lead to my feelings of him being unhappy again. He said he knows that I will keep thinking about it every time we fight and it wasn't healthy for our relationship and he thought that this needed to end. The next day I texted him and asked if he was ok and he said he was going to go back to the military's defense does not want to drag me along any longer. He said he is running away and doesn't want to face his problems and he knows that when he joins he can't turn back. He said his mind is set. But I don't think he's running from us but from himself.

We have not spoken for a week now and he has managed to avoid me completely while living in the same house. I don't know if he has signed the paperworks yet but I know he has already gathered them. I think he is leaving for good this time. But I can't help but see that he could have a form of depression and this is yet another episode formed from our fights. I just want to wait until he goes back up and realize that this is another impulsive decision. I love him so much and I know that he loves me. I know to him this is the third time and should me the last strike but to me this is our first strike from the new start after our last huge 2 week break apart and I don't want him to make an irrational decision at this time. I'm so torn on what to do, I want to bring up that he may have depression episodes to let him realize why he my be having these unknown feelings but I also don't want to drive him further away.

Hello Tinly: I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most distressing situation. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

it sounds like he does have some sort of mental health issues which he should speak to a doctor about

I know he was diagnosed with PTSD after the military and they gave him antidepressants. He took it for a few weeks and hated that numbing and he felt like he had no emotions, so he stopped taking it. I don't know if he knows something is going on with him right now, but I don't know how to approach him with this because he is avoiding me and is doing his best to not run into me in the same house. We have not seen nor spoke for a week. I just want him to know that this could be the reason why he's feeling this way instead of making him feel bad about himself. I want him to know that I am always going to be here for him no matter what.

Thank you, I hope this will help me too. I just want to know more about bipolar depression and what's the best way to approach a partner about it. I appreciate any insight and suggestions.

Check out NAMI groups in your area. You'll learn a lot and you may get some needed support. If he has PTSD that is unresolved, it can appear like bipolar in some cases. If he is avoiding you, is there someone else in his life that you trust who might be able to reach him?

Hi, Tinly, and welcome to Psych Central! I am bipolar myself. It doesn't sound to me like he has bipolar depression, but I am not in a position to diagnose. PTSD could certainly be playing a role.

I suggest you talk to a counselor. That can help lots of relationships. But he just might not be able to handle an intimate marriage relationship, given that he might be dealing with so much he has gone through in the service. Anger might be his way of telling you that--and that he just wants to be left alone. I hope he will see a counselor, too--but he'll probably get mad if you suggest that.

I'm sorry you are going through this, when I'm sure you were looking forward to his return. He just isn't the man you knew.

Please keep posting, dear one. We care.

So sorry to hear this story. Is there a VA facility close by?

I would honestly go to his superior since you are his wife afterall and tell him of your suspisions of the ptsd STILL GOING ON & UNTREATED & SHOW THEM THE UNFINISHED BOTTLE OF MEDS,(I BET THAT'S STILL IN THE MEDICINE CABINET, NO ONE THROWS THOSE OUT) all the irrasional behavior,etc, the way he acts. He is a danger to himself & others & should not be rejoining the military until all his kinks are worked our if he has ptsd associated with that. A very good friend of mine has it from being in bosnia, he is so great but hs quite a few issues now. They can't let him go back to active duty until he i medically & psychologically cleared, they have to take u seriously. It would help if u have any of those texts to show his behavior. That's what your worried about the most afterall.