Help & moral support coping with severely depressed boyfriend

I was referred to this forum by a moderator and hope to find better luck here. I'd like to talk to people in a similar situation, use each other as a "sounding board". I've been with my boyfriend 1 1/2 years, but I'm not exactly what is usually meant as a caregiver since we do not live together.

Though he is on meds and sees a therapist, he seems to be what is known as "medication resistant". Depression is tangible. When he's that depressed, I "feel it" too, and there are times when I just need some space from it.

Since I don't have much of a life (working on trying to get one, which takes energy)and no real friends, I decided to join PC to interact with others on this issue. I certainly mean no offense to anyone out there with depression who is reading this, but it is draining to be around someone who's always depressed. I need other outlets, but I don't have a lot of energy left to try to FIND other outlets, to find a life, etc. It would help, I know.

He's a GOOD MAN. He's thoughtful, "in-tune" to me, intelligent, has lots in common with me, and I've never been more comfortable with someone in my life!!! As you see, the good outweighs the bad, but the depression is a big "but...".

He's the best thing in my life, but it still need coping strategies. Also have my own things going on in life, such as dealing with unemployment, consideration of a career change, emotionally distant family, and noisy, loud neighbors.

Ah you are in a tough situation. I can't relate really because it is my mother who i look after. I think you should see if he is holding you back too much from your 'new life'. if so, maybe it is time to let him go. just talk to him a lot and tell him how you feel

Can you be in therapy yourself to help you through this? Do you have access to support groups that are for family and loved ones of people with mental illness? NAMI has free support groups, you can do google search on NAMI and the name of your state, for instance here is the listing for groups in California:
http://www.namicalifornia.org/events....aspx?lang=ENG

You are a caregiver in your own way and care giving can be very exhausting. If you haven't already also check out the relationship section here, there are members posting about their own experiences living with someone with mental health challenges.

You are under a lot of stress - noisy neighbors don't help any - I've had years dealing with that one and it sure can be horrible. Maybe try also picking one thing, one interest, even if it seems small, and working on developing that. Something that is distracting and not at all about your boyfriend, just for you.

THANK YOU for replying. I knew that with thousands of people on this site, SOMEONE had to reply even just once.

I would never "let him go". There's so much you don't know about him, the person he is, how thoughtful he is--of me and others. Only information available to everyone here is what I put in my post, and I could write a book on it!

I believe he does know how I feel because he doesn't object when I want to go home early or want to skip a weekend seeing him.

I have been seeing a therapist for years regarding other things in my life, in addition to discussing and understanding depression with her. However, there is nothing like talking to someone in the same boat, online or in person. She did think it was a good thing I decided to try this, but with a grain of salt since I know how online interactions can be (fickle).

Thanks for the hyperlink. I will check it out. Also got a few links from a moderator here. If PC does not work out, I'll check it out, but due to my limited time (on a computer or otherwise), I cannot keep up with too many sites.

Maybe I'll try the relationship forum. I posted originally in New Member intros, and I never got any substantial replies, and that was over a month ago.

I DO have other interests, and I even joined a beauty web site to talk about fun things like makeup with other women. This site, as well as that one, does give me somewhat of an outlet. It does distract me, but I need more.

I so agree, people in the same boat can help so much. And connecting online can be great but does have that fickle quality as you say. Can feel yucky for us to post what we are going through and then not get much of any response.

So glad you have other interests, that is great. Glad you are in therapy too. If I put myself in your shoes right now, and I've been there, I'd try to make sure that I'm getting enough exercise, how are you doing with that?

I don't have any great ideas at the moment but I'm glad you are here, keep posting if you want, hopefully posting itself can be helpful, and replies will happen. You are in a challenging situation and you are doing the best you can to love your guy and be good to him and yourself. For that you deserve lots of support and applause.

Gosh, you've just about made my day! Thank you for your response. I actually stayed out of PC awhile due to feeling disheartened over lack of responses, unlike others who get DOZENS.

I workout 2-3 times a week. It does help, and last weekend I did not see my boyfriend but worked out, then watched the Olympics instead! It gave me that "space" I needed.

You're right that posting IS somewhat of an outlet in itself. Maybe I just think of it as venting and not expect or hope for a reply!

It's a shot in the dark, but I thought I'd try bumping this thread out of oblivion....

Is that not enough of a break, coming and going when you are feeling burdened by your own needs?

My husband and I are together most of every day (we're retired). However, we're doing our "own" thing when we're together, not necessarily doing things together. We each have our computer and are quite comfortable 10 feet apart but we eat together in the same room, go out at least once a week to eat and we do grocery and other shopping together. There's an exchange of comments (and emails :-) if something is noticed by one or the other and commented on. My husband has chronic pain in his foot that my massaging can help so often we'll watch TV together (my choice of show) while I rub his foot or he'll read aloud to me (joint choice of book) while I massage.

I don't think I understand what you want of your bf or yourself that you find it difficult to be with him?