[LoveandLoss]

After reading posts in the NPD forum, I am inspired to share my story and current situation here. I moved far from my parents a long time ago, as soon as I was able really. I always new something was wrong and there was some sort of dysfunction and manipulation, but was too close to see clearly.

I have a strained relationship with my parents and don't visit often. I made an 8 hour drive to visit my grandmother (sick with cancer) last year. She lives a short distance from my parents but I avoided them because being around them sends shockwaves to my confidence and my perception of the world.

A few notes about my parents relationship... My mother enables my father to drink as much as he wants as "she can't deal with him when he is sober". Recently I found out that my father pushed my mother while they were arguing, he broke some of her favorite possessions, and his behavior was such that she had her bags packed ready to leave whenever she was worried enough for her safety, however she never left. Also, one day when my father was feeling ill, he called my grandmother (who is sick with cancer) to ask her that if anything were to happen to him he did not want her to tell me. This is nothing less than manipulative behavior.

I am about to make the trip to visit my grandmother yet again as she is losing weight and becoming weaker. My mother has started emailing me asking me to visit the house and I've told her it is not an option, and explaining that if she is with my grandmother I will visit with her, but I have no intention of visiting the house. To be frank, I do not think that my presence at the house where I grew up and having to be in the same room as my father would be good for noone. It is not that I intend to create drama, but I have no respect for the man, and I would not be able to shield the disdain from my face. When I told my mother I would not go to the house she tells me she is torn between my father and I, which is odd because I make it my policy not to ask anything of her.

When I refused to visit, the conversation spiraled out of control as she told me she wanted to jump off a bridge and most recently told me to "take care and have a great life".

In an unwise decision on my part, I vented to my family connections on Facebook about the "have a great life" comment. My aunt (father's sister) is infuriated by this and tells me that they are the best parents in the world and that I am rotten for saying anything like that. At first I feel like that little kid I once was, scolded for being inappreciative of all they've given me. But then I realize that this is how a dysfunctional family survives, by protecting the host that is the source of the problem.

I just wish I could stop these interactions from awakening that scared, confused little kid that I have tried to put to rest.

I worry about my trip to see my grandmother, but realize that if I don't go, I have let my parents win.

[EBD8]

My suggestion would be if possible to find someone whom you trust and knows your situation to go with you. You have enough to deal with emotionally just seeing your grandmother and yes your parents sound like the jealous type that would try and steal any good you would bring with you. In other words make your trip to see your grandmother all about them which it is not. You are not responsible for their happiness. Or maybe there is someone where your going that you can turn to for support while your there.

[MeaCulpa]

I have no respect for the man, and I would not be able to shield the disdain from my face.

Similar boat. This is about you and your grandmother and her time is short.

I told my mother I would not go to the house she tells me she is torn between my father and I, which is odd because I make it my policy not to ask anything of her.

When I refused to visit, the conversation spiraled out of control as she told me she wanted to jump off a bridge and most recently told me to "take care and have a great life".

Sounds like she is caught between a rock and a hard place. My mother also, but she is not one to guilt me.

I haven't seen my family in years but will be visiting this year. Only 2 weeks, I refuse to allow the Family of Origin malarkey throw me off center. You can probably do the same, knowing where the angst and discomfort stem from, you can mentally prepare and protect yourself from it. Detachment. My father can babble and blare, I don't care. His words and opinions have no validity.

In an unwise decision on my part, I vented to my family connections on Facebook about the "have a great life" comment. My aunt (father's sister) is infuriated by this and tells me that they are the best parents in the world and that I am rotten for saying anything like that. At first I feel like that little kid I once was, scolded for being inappreciative of all they've given me. But then I realize that this is how a dysfunctional family survives, by protecting the host that is the source of the problem.

There's your answer. You didn't do anything wrong, they just don't like the airing of the dirty laundry. Nothing you can do about it. Were it not dirty, it would not need airing.

[Confessa]

Originally Posted by LoveandLoss

After reading posts in the NPD forum, I am inspired to share my story and current situation here. I moved far from my parents a long time ago, as soon as I was able really. I always new something was wrong and there was some sort of dysfunction and manipulation, but was too close to see clearly.

I have a strained relationship with my parents and don't visit often. I made an 8 hour drive to visit my grandmother (sick with cancer) last year. She lives a short distance from my parents but I avoided them because being around them sends shockwaves to my confidence and my perception of the world.

A few notes about my parents relationship... My mother enables my father to drink as much as he wants as "she can't deal with him when he is sober". Recently I found out that my father pushed my mother while they were arguing, he broke some of her favorite possessions, and his behavior was such that she had her bags packed ready to leave whenever she was worried enough for her safety, however she never left. Also, one day when my father was feeling ill, he called my grandmother (who is sick with cancer) to ask her that if anything were to happen to him he did not want her to tell me. This is nothing less than manipulative behavior.

I am about to make the trip to visit my grandmother yet again as she is losing weight and becoming weaker. My mother has started emailing me asking me to visit the house and I've told her it is not an option, and explaining that if she is with my grandmother I will visit with her, but I have no intention of visiting the house. To be frank, I do not think that my presence at the house where I grew up and having to be in the same room as my father would be good for noone. It is not that I intend to create drama, but I have no respect for the man, and I would not be able to shield the disdain from my face. When I told my mother I would not go to the house she tells me she is torn between my father and I, which is odd because I make it my policy not to ask anything of her.

When I refused to visit, the conversation spiraled out of control as she told me she wanted to jump off a bridge and most recently told me to "take care and have a great life".

In an unwise decision on my part, I vented to my family connections on Facebook about the "have a great life" comment. My aunt (father's sister) is infuriated by this and tells me that they are the best parents in the world and that I am rotten for saying anything like that. At first I feel like that little kid I once was, scolded for being inappreciative of all they've given me. But then I realize that this is how a dysfunctional family survives, by protecting the host that is the source of the problem.

I just wish I could stop these interactions from awakening that scared, confused little kid that I have tried to put to rest.

I worry about my trip to see my grandmother, but realize that if I don't go, I have let my parents win.

Hi - I have had some past issues with my family starting from a very young age. I am now 55 years old. 2 years ago I finally put my family to rest. I am by no means a counselor (I need help myself) but I opted not to go around a situation where it is a no win situation. All it did was destroy my self-esteen and now, I have no family, as I finally told them how I felt and what it has done to me. The outcome? I am without family but I don't have to feel badly from them about who they perceive me as. My doors are always open if they want to visit, but I won't take their abuses any more.