[NMoussa]

Hi everyone

I am new here. I have a BIG problem. I am in need of some GOLDEN rules on how to fight my Shyness. I make a good and pleasant apperance. But my withdrawal and isolation from people , make matters worse for ME.

That's basically ME.

Cheers

[biplol]

Hi NMoussa and Welcome to PC!
I'm really shy to, I think mostly is my fear of rejection what keeps me from approching others.
I have no idea how to deal wiht it, I've been like this my whole life, but, maybe somebody else can give us some tips!

[NMoussa]

Hi Thank you Bipol

Yes , I really need HELP. I think it is because of my feeling of inferiority or insecurity. But sure there are other factors involved.

Nour

[Perna]

I found this an interesting article (and book that might be good too for more detail):

http://www.indiana.edu/~rcapub/v25n2/carducci.shtml

[Rapunzel]

Perna, I like that article.

NMoussa, welcome to PC. Just hang out for a while, and you'll start to feel like part of the community. I'm shy too. That article hit home with me on a number of notes - I wasn't born shy, for example, and I didn't have social support from my family, and didn't have the skills to deal with social situations, or any way to learn them.

I think that the thing that helped me the most in starting to learn those skills was participating in online communities like this one. It's less threatening. You can say what you need to say, and take as much time as you need, and you don't have to compete for floor time. We can all talk at once here, and it doesn't matter. Then when people start to recognize you and appreciate your contributions and ideas, and you realize that they care about you, your confidence increases and it's easier to put a little more of yourself out there next time. Eventually it gets easier IRL too.

Basically you have to take a chance and try to communicate, and keep trying. Building confidence can be scary and hard, but it's worth it and you can do it.

Rap

[AlteredState01]

Hi NMoussa!



Although I cannot say I have difficulties with shyness in the sense that you have, I can relate about isolating, though.

I guess one can consider I am shy in the respect that I am afraid to be around people because I am, well, not shy enough(?)

Anyway, hope you find what you are looking for here.

Altered State

[NMoussa]

Thank you so much for the article Perna , I found it extremely informative.

[NMoussa]

Hi Rapunzel

Thank you for the invitation and for your cheerful notes.

To more elaborate , I find great difficulties to make friends or engage in any social conversation, for fear of being mocked or teased...very sensitive to remarks and criticism, easily embarassed and annoyed. When addressing someone , rarely have a face-to-face conversation , usually my head turn around...Most of my friends misjudge me by saying I am a SNOB person. Happy in my solitude , inclined to be quiet .

Am I sick ???? Or simply a Personal Trait ?

Nour

[tugofwar]

Hey, NMoussa!

You sound a lot like me. I have had to force myself in the past couple of years to become more outgoing by trying to get to know my classmates and coworkers, attending socials, stuff like that. It has been a long uphill battle. I am naturally introverted. I like solitude most of the time. Being around people for extended periods of time tends to drain me. And being the first to speak is so hard. I can do it sometimes, but then where do I take the conversation after we've discussed the weather, news, politics, sports, or whatever? So many of my conversations have died because I didn't know what to say next. I guess they didn't know what to say next either.

When I was in high school, I know most of my classmates thought I was a snob. But those were the ones who didn't bother getting to know me.

You're not sick and there's nothing wrong with you. You're just an introvert. That's just who you are. That's ok. Be yourself. Be comfortable with who you are. For me, that's one of my biggest challenges. That, and trying to be more outgoing, ... oh, and dealing with my plethora of fears.

I have discovered that the more I accept myself, the easier time I have around people. It doesn't mean I like them any more. Maybe it just makes it easier to tolerate them. Just think, they may be as scared of you as you are of them.

tugofwar

[AlteredState01]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Am I sick ???? Or simply a Personal Trait ?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Depends on how much distress this causes in your life. If it paralyzes you and you are unable to function "normally" (ie. keep a job, speak for yourself, isolate out of extreme fear, unable to maintain relationships, etc.), then yes, it has developed into what may be considered a mental illness.

Don't freak out though. There are varying degrees of mental illness(es). Some people suffer deeper than others; some do not have the same level of interruption in their lives because of their behaviours. It really depends on alot of factors, not just shyness or even extreme shyness. You could indeed just have higher introversion tendencies than even the high introverts.

I always thought myself an extrovert until I stopped drinking! It was only then I realized I too, had strong tendencies toward introversion. I also don't "do" people well. They tend to get on my nerves rather quickly (like, as soon as I see them comin'!!)

Anyway, if you indeed are "happy in your solitude," then maybe everyone thinking you're a snob is not such a bad thing, since they would not be so inclined to "bother" you with their BS (and I would say that the people who DO take the time to get to know you are probably the people you would want in your life anyway).

I kinda look at it like the reaction I get from people when I wear my biker jacket and boots (and I am so not a biker chick). I tend not to be bothered so much. Images and perceptions can work both ways - depends on what result you would like.

Just ranting....

AS

[breemarie]

Hi,

I am also shy and an introvert. I am from a family of outgoing, talkative people. They all think there is something wrong with me. It makes me feel even more insecure about myself. My neice is also that way and I am trying to get her to feel good about herself and let her know she is not strange or weird and she is not a loser because she doesn't have loads of friends and is in the popular crowd. I don't want her to grow up feeling the way I did. There is nothing wrong with being quiet, and in introvert unless it disrupts your life. If it does than maybe look at some articles or books to get ideas on how to change. I am not as bad as I was growing up. But it is a part of my personality. I wish you much luck.

[anniego]

Dear Shyness,
How are you kiddo? I don't have all the answers to life's many questions but there is one thing I've heard that
might be helpful in your situation. And that is, if you'd like
to make friends, you need to be a friend. To me that sort of
flips the situation away from me being shy (which i can be),
to understanding that others may be reluctant to be the first to reach out and that it is my job to initiate conversation if
I want to make someone comfortable and perhaps make a friend. Do unto others as you would have them do unto
you. Does that make sense to you? Just imagine that they feel just like you. YOu don't have to give a speech. A simple hello, my name is ..... how are you?
Annie

[Anony]

I am also very shy and have been so most of my life. I know I wasn't shy when I started kindergarten, but something triggered my shyness during that time and I've been battling it since. I grew up in a very small town that only had one race in it (I'm half/half) and was teased and taunted all the time. Everyone watched my every move and when I spoke, all eyes were on me and people started whispering and saying things behind my back (even my teachers). I'm sure this had a lot to do with my fear of speaking and being around others. I have gotten to the point where I don't care what people think or say about me, but I don't understand why I'm still so shy.