[shakespeare47]

I'm the guy in the room with strong opinions. I'm always talking about what I think about different subjects and why. I love to argue and debate. I attempt to sway people to my side on various issues.

I know my opinions are just opinions, and I don't always take myself seriously, although not everyone appears to get that. At the end of the day, I tend to like and respect people.

My question is what do you think of me? or people like me?

Do you hate me? Do you feel compelled to put me in my place and remind me I'm just the same as everyone else? Do you want to tell me to shut up? Do you wish I would just go away? Do you just want to ignore me?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I am not quite sure why you would care what anyone thinks of you, least of all anonymous people whose opinion may or may not be valuable.

May I respectfully ask whether perhaps strongly voiced opinions and a need for validation from online strangers points to esteem/self-worth issues? I am just saying.

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

I am not quite sure why you would care what anyone thinks of you, least of all anonymous people whose opinion may or may not be valuable.

May I respectfully ask whether perhaps strongly voiced opinions and a need for validation from online strangers points to esteem/self-worth issues? I am just saying.

Of course, narcissism usually roots from a lack of self image, esteem, and confidence and is then masked by an over-inflated persona

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Mattmx

Of course, narcissism usually roots from a lack of self image, esteem, and confidence and is then masked by an over-inflated persona

I was trying, in my own inadequate way, to be gentle!

[marmaduke]

I'm opinionated too. I like debate but find people take it too seriously. I often worry that I have offended someone when I didnt mean to.

I dont think its got anything to do with narcissum.

Narcissism is about lack of empathy. The 100 old theory thats its about fragile self esteem is wrong.

[vonmoxie]

I think that it is admirable and brave the way that you put yourself out there, that you are able to be pretty forthcoming but also respect the opinions of others.. and maybe your asking what people think of your approach isn't so much indication of a lack of self-esteem, but insightful inquiry as there is indeed a variety of styles of response on this site where a person's honest expressing of a personal opinion is concerned. (Though not everyone round these parts seems to know it, it is possible to respect someone and to appreciate their contribution to the greater conversation, without liking every single thing they say! If we all already agreed about everything, it would be a god-awful boring conversation, wouldn't it?) I think it's a valid question; possibly driven via some degree of narcissistic traits, but not necessarily.

At my old job I had to do all these hokey personality quizzes and things every year, they were really big on continuous improvement efforts, and for a while it was through the Gallup people (who was some spensive consultants indeed). On one of those occasions we did this identifying of each of our roles inside a specific construct that included roles such as drivers, influencers, and energizers.. I forget the exact words they used because you can only take this stuff so seriously.. but I do see you sort of primarily acting in an energizer role (I think that was the word)... someone who actively keeps the conversation moving, keeps interest generating... A totally essential role, and I do appreciate the way that you contribute to the greater conversation here.

And I don't think you're that opinionated.. I think you have some well reasoned opinions as well as being open to the benefits of considering other ideas within a continuing dialogue, and to me that's the best of both worlds.

But that's just my opinion.

[shakespeare47]

To be clear, I'm virtually never bothered by anyone's response in online forums. I am asking about how people in general feel about people like me in real life.

Spend any time with me whatsoever and you will know my opinion on a variety of topics. Except politics. I detest talking about politics.

[vonmoxie]

^FYI, I didn't mean you; I'd mentioned what I did about how people often struggle to withstand the existence of differing opinions in contrast to your own ability to effectively do so.

I'm personally glad for the existence of persons like you in "real life" as well. I'm a pretty conversant person myself, and believe that civil discourse is one of few really effective tools we have going for us in this society in order for progress to occur; and it's becoming far too much of a lost art. Keep fighting the good fight.

[Frankbtl]

Hi shakespeare, well it sounds like you're passionate about a variety of things, like to be able to influence people (positively?) in seeing "the bigger picture" in topics you care about/have a viewpoint on, hold strong values and standards, like the challenge in evidencing/justifying that you're not just opinionated at times (if that makes sense??), like stimulating arguments........
Of course some of what you actually discuss with people will sway people one way or the other in feeling strongly about you e.g. if you're arguing with me (or a lot of other people!!) subjects such as "there's no such thing as rape" then you know you are going to get some really strong feelings about you.
But otherwise, there will be people who won't like your approach but just as equally there will be people who do like even admire your conviction/passion/strength of identity and knowing who you are/what you believe in.
But it is really good that you're asking the question, it just shows that you're practicing a bit of self-reflection, you care about others, the way you make them feel and the way you're perceived. So yes, maybe depending on who you're talking to you might want/need to adapt your communication a little, just the same as anyone regardless of how "forward" they are or aren't.
So maybe look a little at things like body language, facial expressions, input from the other person, listen to what they're really saying, ask for feedback............I know you're probably doing all that anyway right, sorry!!!!
But I'd say that it's still really important not to "lose yourself", who you are for the sake of "fitting in", just to be liked by others. Your individuality matters, being able to be yourself as much as you can matters. And it's the people who value who you are who should be the most important people to you, as opposed to the one's who just want you to be "someone else".
And anyway (!!).........I'm sure there's a whole lot more to you than......."the guy in the room with strong opinions", right??!!!

Alison

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I am pretty sure this a cultural thing - you would likely be shunned and a subject of jokes behind your back where I come from.

But I strongly suspect that your culture would be a lot more tolerant of your personality style and that of course is what counts for you.

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

To be clear, I'm virtually never bothered by anyone's response in online forums. I am asking about how people in general feel about people like me in real life.

Spend any time with me whatsoever and you will know my opinion on a variety of topics. Except politics. I detest talking about politics.

I don't mean to insult if i did, i'm just blunt lol. NPD isn't bad it's just unique and something interesting.

[shakespeare47]

The bottom line is that I am a performer, and I need a stage. I also need healthy ways to deal with hecklers.

and I don't care why it is I need a stage. I just know that I need one.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

To be clear, I'm virtually never bothered by anyone's response in online forums. I am asking about how people in general feel about people like me in real life.

Spend any time with me whatsoever and you will know my opinion on a variety of topics. Except politics. I detest talking about politics.

I like people who have strong opinions. They're interesting to talk to. Much more stimulating than people who are wishy washy and change their positions on various issues just to fit in. Pfft.

[shakespeare47]

^I'd love to get in a discussion with you.. about almost anything. 8-)

And I appreciate people with strong opinions as well. Message boards are a great place to meet people whose opinions are much different than mine. I enjoy the challenge of comparing opinions.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Anytime, I find you interesting.

[Mattmx]

I love a good game of persuasion

[Open Eyes]

It really depends on the way a person is opinionated. Some people are very interesting and worthy of listening to, while others just tear down everybody and don't have an open mind at all. There are those who are worthy of the stage and those who are not.

While I have not followed you shakesphere, from what I have seen of you, I don't find anything offensive. You have been respectful in any conversations I have had with you.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I'm the gu...ou just want to ignore me?

S47 thanks for this post, it is one of the most interesting and liberating I have seen. The very notion of asking what people think of you is one I find alien, worrying and extraordinary, yet and yet and yet, suppose someone did put their hand on my shoulder and say, "Ebenezer since you ask and because I am your friend, I will tell you what I think of you": "You are frighteningly direct, abrupt with people, impatient, react badly to fools, you never show your feelings, smile infrequently and seldom say much, people find you aloof and unknowable and dread your sudden losses of temper and changes of mood that come out of the blue with no warning [and lots of other things I am unaware of I expect]". Being a friend they might qualify that with good aspects they perceive in me, but by then I would not be listening.

I would die inside, go bright red, bluster, try and change the subject although I know all these things to be true!

[shakespeare47]

I've been ruminating on the matter for a while and have decided that my way of dealing with the world does have it's benefits.

First of all. When you are upfront with your opinions, people will sometimes correct you when you are wrong. I have learned a good deal this way.

It's a little frustrating when people think I am both opinionated and naïve. But, most of those people either don't have a very good sense of humor and/or do not understand understated "tongue cheek" statements, and/or they are just naïve themselves, and assume whatever I am talking about must be wrong, without even taking the time to check their own assumptions.

Some people will tell me things that they have made up, in the hope that I am naïve and will believe them and make a fool of myself (assumedly), but what I do is to assume that they, themselves believe whatever it is they made up. Then they feel embarrassed. Or at the very least, I have no need to feel embarrassed.

I am a performer. My current idols are Massimo from the Rationally Speaking podcast, and Tig Nataro, a comedian. Tig Nataro is also very open about her life and is very self-depreciating. But, she knows how to handle an audience.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

I would die inside, go bright red, bluster, try and change the subject although I know all these things to be true!

It's a little different discussing these things online with people I don't really know all that well, vs discussing them in person with people I do know. I suspect that those of you who don't know me well (that's everyone reading this post), can be more objective when explaining how you feel about very opinionated people in real life.

I wouldn't ask anyone in real life. I don't really want to know (mostly because their opinion can't be anything but subjective). But, people IRL do respond to me in ways that make me uncomfortable. I'm starting to see them as hecklers, and find ways to treat them as such.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

S47 you are a poster who just keeps on giving:

You are scaring me now, I have a nasty feeling you might find me a heckler, but happily there is a perfectly good ocean between us: people IRL do respond to me in ways that make me uncomfortable. I'm starting to see them as hecklers What do these hecklers say? I imagine you have some pretty crushing responses?

I confess to being a tiny bit disappointed that you don't seek feedback from a trusted friend (straight feedback not heckling) in RL, as I had rather set you up a role model. I have German friend who reports that in Germany friends will be straight with each other. This approach proved extremely unsuccessful when applied to his British friends.
I rather like to imagine the German version conversation: "Ja, Ja, Gottlieb, I am certainly a bitter, sarcastic, bullying schwienhund all right, thanks for telling me, let's go and watch the match and see the Englanders get beaten 0-8 by Deutschland again".

However, it is probably about time I answered your question; You seem an OK sort of fella, but then most people are if you take them as you find them and don't expect to much.

[shakespeare47]

Crushing responses? Not unless keeping my mouth shut and worrying about what they said is to be considered a crushing response, lol.

But, I have been reading about how comedians and public speakers treat hecklers. I think I may take some of their advice.

Comedy Courses By The Sea » How to deal with hecklers.
How to Deal With Hecklers | eHow
Counterstrike - How to Deal With Hecklers

Most of the advice is about poise, and trying to determine how your audience, in general likes your "act". You don't want to lose the goodwill of your audience. If one is going to perform, then one must accept that there will be hecklers. It's part of what being a performer is all about. And one doesn't have to try to be funny when dealing with hecklers.

And I would truly like to develop a routine and actually get up on a stage and try it out.

I've got plenty of material from my YEC upbringing.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I have a feeling you could do a terrific performance - when you post an excerpt in YouTube let us know.