[LUTE20]

I don't like looking bad especially when it's not true.

I want to break it off with my newly wed wife. I never really wanted to marry her in the beginning. We did it for her family and she told them I had converted just to satisfy their traditional desires. But I'm not a good husband. I used to love her but pregnancy turned her into everything I don't want to be with. In the time she's been pregnant I've seen like 4 different people. She doesn't know any of this. But she has said she doesn't really want to be a mom. Doesn't want to make any promises. Basically feel like she's going to have the kid and leave it with me. It was a bad idea I realize now to convince her not to get an abortion because she complained she felt the way she identified would not align well with being pregnant. And I'm not being abandoned like that or dumped. And I want to just kick her out but I don't want to look bad that I kicked my wife out who is pregnant in her third trimester. But I'm not going to stick around just for her to do that to me. I don't let people treat me like **** with warning. It's like dispose or be disposed of and I just don't really want to look that bad. But I don't really like the alternative. Which is my dilemma.

[SDarbo]

You are in a situation.

Regarding pregnancy turning her into everything you don't want to be with, pregnancy is a profound situation biologically and effects nearly everything. Its not a permanent situation.

Regarding some other things you've said it sounds almost like you want to act in a way that is callous and self indulgent without any one else forming the opinion that you are callous and self indulgent. You need to do what you need to do. Other people's opinions don't really matter. What is your own opinion about your desires and plans? That is what matters.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by SDarbo

You are in a situation.

Regarding pregnancy turning her into everything you don't want to be with, pregnancy is a profound situation biologically and effects nearly everything. Its not a permanent situation.

Regarding some other things you've said it sounds almost like you want to act in a way that is callous and self indulgent without any one else forming the opinion that you are callous and self indulgent. You need to do what you need to do. Other people's opinions don't really matter. What is your own opinion about your desires and plans? That is what matters.

No pregnancy ****ed her up because she's transgender. I thought pregnancy would make her more maternal and more in touch with her female side. Not like that was even needed she was fine before she got pregnant. It's just pregnancy kind of brushed up things I really didn't even know too well about her.

It's probably permanent damage and I don't think she'll accept our child for that reason. And that's why our relationship is a mess she's cruel depressed won't have sex because she's too insecure about her own body and constantly complains and says she can't live "this way".

IM not being callous I've dealt with a lot as it is and I don't really feel dealing with her problems is worth it I rather spend time with my boyfriend and be bored all day then live with her crazy ***. There's no pleasure and it doesn't seem like it's going to get better.

It's just people judge without knowing anything about a situation. And she'll tell her family and friend then my friend will know and then people at work will know and I don't really feel I deserve to look like the bad guy. When a lot of people wouldn't go through half the **** that I've gone through with her.

[SDarbo]

If you feel the marriage ending is inevitable I suggest you end it as quickly and cleanly as possible. My reasoning about that relates to an aphorism someone told me a long time ago.
"There could be a sound reason why you need to cut off a puppy's tail. There is never a good reason to cut it off centimeter by centimeter"

Now, if you know what you need to do, just do it. You do not need to be perceived as the good guy when you do it. Its inevitable that you will be judged harshly, especially by spouses family. A divorcing spouse is nearly always going to have in-laws and friends think poorly of what their doing. There isn't a way around it as far as I can tell.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by SDarbo

If you feel the marriage ending is inevitable I suggest you end it as quickly and cleanly as possible. My reasoning about that relates to an aphorism someone told me a long time ago.
"There could be a sound reason why you need to cut off a puppy's tail. There is never a good reason to cut it off centimeter by centimeter"

Now, if you know what you need to do, just do it. You do not need to be perceived as the good guy when you do it. Its inevitable that you will be judged harshly, especially by spouses family. A divorcing spouse is nearly always going to have in-laws and friends think poorly of what their doing. There isn't a way around it as far as I can tell.

I don't know what I need to do. I don't want to be a single dad and I miss the old her but I feel she's never coming back. If I am like no I want nothing to do with her at all I end up looking bad for being a deadbeat. And I look bad for abandoning my wife who is pregnant.